Friday, September 21, 2007

Ted C Blind Item

My mother called. She said this column’s starting to resemble “a newsletter for filthy-mouthed nobodies who need to go to sex rehab.” Mind you, Mariah thinks Lindsay Lohan is a nobody, but then, arguably, she has a point.

So, for Ms. C (the elder one), let’s give the inebriated diddling-behind-stalls and same-sex ferreting a break—just for today. But no go on the nasty-tongued biz, sorry! Like when did I ever really do what mama told me...

Bravado Boom-Cocks is quite famous but not always exactly beloved. Even though he’s a mucho gifted, award-showered, multitalented performer, he’s not really known for his private cool. Indeed, BBC was out here on the coast, having flown in for a project he’s doing, as well as a charity gig he was asked to participate in—reason being, the charity’s contributing beaucoup bucks to B’s latest pro undertaking. He was sorta forced into it, actually.

The organizer of said project had been in direct contact (no rep go-between) with Bravado, a line of communication Mr. Boom-Cocks sometimes chooses, as he detests pretense intensely. But Boomy-baby now regrets that decision, big-time.

See, Bravado isn’t exactly known for dressing, how shall we say, chicly? BBC rarely wears anything even approaching couture. For this reason, the organizer gave the charity event’s handler Boom-Cock’s private cell number, which the handler blithely called pronto.

“Even though things are more casual out here,” the charitable worker bee blathered on, once Bravado answered, “you really shouldn’t be dressing like you’re going to somebody’s barbecue or anything.”

Bravado’s polite response? “F--k you, lady!” he bellowed, and promptly hung up.

Then B dialed, brow slightly sweating with anger. Called up the guy who had given out his number in the first place. “How dare you? If you ever give out my number again,” BBC fumed, “I will see to it that you get me a new phone and call every one of my contacts and give them the new number, you f--king bastard!”

BBC wasn’t done, either: “And for punishment, tonight, when I show up, I will be taking no pictures whatsoever, not with anybody, no matter how much money they’ve donated, so you can learn your lesson and never do this to me again, you f--king jerk!”

The poor man, no doubt holding his own phone far away from his eardrums, begged BBC to reconsider. He did not. And you thought Ireland Baldwin was the only put-upon cellie caller in town?

Think again.

And It Ain't

Sean Penn, Billy Bob Thornton, Denis Leary

27 comments:

wood1107 said...

Whenever I hear of a male celeb dressing like a hobo, I automatically think Adam Sandler. But the syllables in Ted's moniker don't match.

Maybe the Kief? (who I love, that crazy Christmas tree attacker!).

acetomato777 said...

Russell Crowe.

Although the BBC initials point towards someone across the pond. For that, I have no guess.

Alan said...

sorry to say, i think it is ricky gervais

kchal said...

Justin Timberlake?
John Cusack?

Pinky said...

I would have totally gone Sean Penn on this if he hadn't not-ed him.

dimes said...

Absolutely Russell Crowe. (BBC refers to the Bravado BoomCocks pseudonym).

ReluctantBride said...

I agree with Alan on the Ricky Gervais. Even though he is hilarious, I have heard that he is a gigantic A-Hole.

DNfromMN said...

reluctantbride: ...with a gigantic you-know-what on the opposite side of that ahole.

This actor has always been known for his HUGE ego. Well now it turns out he has something down below that is just as huge. Talked about in London, but really was just talk, even a legend. It was all supposition really, until he was filming his latest movie. Thinking our star was out and about, an assistant walked into the actor’s trailer without knocking and saw our actor changing clothes and what he saw has been repeated over and over and would put even Mr. Diggler to shame.

Ricky Gervais

spasuzy said...

Bravo BBC!!!

I'd be pissed if I were famous and someone gave out my cell number without my permission.

I'm also sick of "handlers" and PR types who try to micromanage stars' styles.

FUCK YOU Hollywood Peeps!!! hee hee.

Dragon Slayer said...

dimes- the BBC can also be British Broadcasting Corporation. Thus I was also thinking it might be a Brit (as in British, not Spears!) Ted picks his names intentionally, so it wouldn't surprise me to find out he used a BBC name because the person is from England.

Now, as far as a guess, I have none... but I'm leaning towards a Brit, too... though Russel Crowe is clearly a great guess, especially considering his past "anger management issues". Maybe the BBC is funding some project with Crowe? (and yes, I know he's Australian and they are British, but they do work all over the world, so who knows...)

benni said...

Benicio Del Toro?

Laura said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Laura said...

Hugh Laurie

Brit, no pretense, multi talented and multi awarded, and not a chic dresser

ms_wonderland said...

The charity being involved in his latest project is unusual. That and the 'flying-in' thing and the not knowing how to dress, makes me think Michael Moore.

lhae said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lhae said...

I think Hugh Laurie or Ricky Gervais. Both award winners and Brits (BBC)

oh well Ted C. sucks!

ms_wonderland said...

Hugh Laurie is a pretty snappy dresser - he's been on best dressed lists. On the Brit theme, Ricky Gervais is indeed an arrogant dickhead. Just going on the three syllables, how about Sascha Baron Cohen?

M. said...

Ari Gold/Jeremy Priven (Boom!)

kellysirkus said...

people in America don't really understand just how famous Ricky Gervais is in the UK.
Alan, I agree with you. That was the first person I thought of.

Fabiola Thing said...

Ricky Gervais is comic genius gold.

tania said...

Not Hugh Laurie - he's famously self-deprecating and has no rep at all for being a diva. Plus, he cleans up nicely for awards etc. So I doubt he'd need telling not to dress like he was going to a barbecue.

SecretOfLife said...

James Gandolfini?

fwd said...

Vince Vaughn?

Jenn said...

I would also go with Russell Crowe - multitalented - has a band......

HautieTx said...

The times I have seen pics of Ricky Gervais... casual and events... he looked fine. I did not think he looked like he lack the ability to dress properly. Which I really tend to notice.

Now Russel Crowe... oh yea... this fits him... but if that BBC clue is really a clue... then its not him.

But I can truly see him freaking out that someone gave out his personal cell number. Then refusing to have any photo's taking of him at the event.

TheZuluKing said...

This one is easy. Jamie Fox! BBC equals big black cock. Just do a xrated search for bbc and you will see I'm not lying. Jamie sings, acts, and does stand-up comedy. He has won an Academy Award.

Kristen S. said...

Colin Farrell?