Thursday, November 22, 2007

Eric Wins The Lottery

All of this happened two years ago this month. That being said, in order to deduce who is whom, you will need to consider what their status was two years ago this month. In some cases, if I can't remember if they had just broken up with someone or had just come out of rehab, I will use their present description and indicate as such. Originally this was going to be two parts, but instead, because of its length, it is going to be four parts. Thursday-Sunday this week.

Around Labor Day of 2005, I go a call from a law school classmate who was living in New York. He had a favor to ask. It turns out his much younger brother had won some money in the lottery. Not multi-millions or anything, but about $50,000 or so after taxes. His brother, who was 25 at the time decided he just wanted to blow it all on one glorious month in Los Angeles. The friend called me to see if I could help find his brother a place to live, and also to make sure that he got into the right clubs, and just introduce him around.

My friend made it sound fairly tame, and so I agreed. When I first spoke to Eric, he put it more plainly. "I want to live like a rock star, or at least like the guys in Entourage." Eric had just finished law school, taken the bar, and now just wanted the blowout of a lifetime before he started his new job in January. He was planning on bringing one friend, but maybe others would fly out during his visit. Eric didn't want to hold anything back. He wanted to find a house to rent and just live the life of a star for one month.

Eric planned on coming out the last week of October, and planned on staying until just before Thanksgiving. The first order of business was to find him a place to stay, and the second was to get he and his friend into the Playboy Mansion Halloween Party. After talking to another friend who is a real estate agent, I managed to find a house right next to Yamashiro, which had the most incredible view. It was a house that is used for filming, has a pool, was furnished and was a bargain at $15,000 for the month. I think Eric almost backed out when he had to wire that $15K. The house should have gone for probably $25K, but this was a guy who was used to paying $600 a month for an apartment he shared with three other guys. I actually didn't think he was serious until he put that money down. Then, I knew I had to make sure he at least got his $15K worth.

To that end, I found he and his friend two former Playmates who thought it was a cool idea to help someone live like a rock star, although I think to this day they are convinced it was for a reality pilot that never got picked up. They kept looking for cameras and asking if they had to sign a release or something.

When the boys arrived in town, we went over to Beverly Hills Rent A Car which I highly recommend. Instead of just getting one car for the month, they planned on changing cars every week to make it seem like they had an unlimited source of funds for new cars.

The look on their face when they saw their house was priceless. It is kind of like when kids go into a hotel room, and realize their parents aren't going to say crap if they start jumping up and down on the beds and acting like crazy people. They had seen the photos of the house on the internet, but now, they had the car, and the house, and you could just feel their excitement. It was contagious. Not like herpes contagious, because that kind of sticks with you forever. This was one of those new love, or new car smell kind of contagious excitement feelings. Just smiles, not doctor visits and lengthy explanations to the 400 people you slept with.

The pair had bought some clothes back in New York and looked like extras from The Sopranos. I really wasn't worried about their clothes because they would soon realize that Nutley, New Jersey isn't Beverly Hills. They had agreed to meet their dates at the party. I talked myself into going, rationalizing that I could make sure they mingled and got noticed. The fact that divorce #6 had just become final a few months earlier and I needed a wife #7 had nothing to do with it.

I think they thought they were just going to drive right up to the front doors of the Mansion. I don't think they realized a shuttle was going to be involved. But what a shuttle it was. On the shuttle was this B list film actress (#1) who had just got engaged for what seemed like the 20th time, or maybe she had just broke up and found some other guy. Even the tabs couldn't keep up with how much this actress changed true loves and bed partners. When she finally did settle down she stuck with it though for better or much worse. Well, our actress who was wearing practically nothing and was instantly recognizable to the pair decided to sit right down on Eric's lap and introduce herself properly. One thing you have to realize about actresses and flirting. Even a B list actress can make you feel like you are the only person on the earth for that time you are speaking to them. It comes from the fact they are always selling themselves and having to be "on." It also comes in handy since most producers in this town are men. If you have never experienced this sensation, you would swear that she was totally in love with you. Eric was hooked, and she knew it. He hadn't developed that immunity or sixth sense yet. It is tough to describe in words. Once you have seen it a few times and see how quickly they can turn the switch on and off, you get used to it and realize it is all for show, and there is rarely a tell.

When the shuttle stopped, the show and tell turned off like a light switch, and Eric got his first lesson in Actress 101. This one had determined from his reactions, that he was new or had won the tickets on a radio show and was not someone worthy of more time. Don't worry though, #1 will return later.

At the party itself, your senses are overwhelmed by costumes, nudity, and guys with big grins from ear to ear. It is even more overwhelming when this is your first night in town, and one of you has basically been given a partially clothed lap dance by someone you had only previously seen in films.

Eric and his friend had decided their cover was going to be as music producers. Producers have money, and no one ever recognizes them, or their names or so they thought. Within 30 minutes of arriving, they were confronted by a record producer. A great record producer with a recognizable name, but not face. As soon as Eric and his friend went into their spiel, they were busted. I was about five feet away and laughing so hard, my fat was actually jiggling just like Santa. I decided to get Eric and his friend off the hook, and went and made introductions. Our record producer thought what they were doing was a waste of money, but could see the attraction. Once he had processed it all, he decided to take over the introduction process for the night, and to make it seem like Eric and his friend were really connected. I think he also did this because he was grateful his sister (B list film/television same role actress/singer) (#2) did not become wife #4. Little does he know. What can I say it was Vegas, we were drunk. At that time you could still get a license at 3am. Two months later we got wise, and I took care of it. I have lots of love still for her because she is the only one I never had to write a check for. She also introduced me to the spy who you all love so much.

With Eric and friend in tow, our record producer (#3) finds the "dates." Seems like they had already forgotten the fact they were supposed to be with our boys that night. One of them was already being groped, and making out with a former B list television actor on a huge hit comedy for many years, now E list (#4) who was engaged at the time, and eventually married. The other one who was supposed to be dating Eric's friend actually was waiting for the friend. By the way, the friend and this Playmate now live together so I guess his fairytale came true.

#4 has an interest in music and thinks he is the next great producer. #3 just blows him off, calls him shorty and takes the boys and one Playmate with him. While all this is going on, I am just doing some ogling and some people watching. I decide to be a little proactive. Not to be confused with proactiv. I talk to some people I know who love to party and invite them to a little after party at Eric's house. Promise them lots of free booze and beautiful people. The beautiful people are easy, but reality hits and I realize that a stop at a liquor store is going to be necessary. I decide to give Eric a little present. I walk up to #1 who I know and know very well. At that time we were cordial, but not friends. Friends had gone bye bye a long time ago. As she did a few lines of coke off the side of her hand, I explained that Eric was from out of town, and that she should come over to the house for the party. Kind of like a welcome to the city kind of party. She was welcome to bring her makeup artist friend (one of LA's biggest coke suppliers), which would guarantee that she would be doing coke all night and probably want to give Eric a house warming present. She did an incredible amount of coke that night by the way. It was truly an impressive performance. She ended up staying at the house for a day and a half and was awake the entire time. Oh, and yes, she did Eric the entire 36 hours also. Welcome to LA.

Tomorrow is the after party and the first week in LA.
Saturday is will be the 2nd and 3rd week in LA
Sunday will be the final blowout, and a party that is still talked about to this day for the amount of drugs and alcohol consumed.

48 comments:

lauramart said...

Brittany Murphy for #1?

jax said...

im thinking the ho is Brittany Murphy or Pam Anderson?

trixalicious said...

I think Brittany for #1 too.

As for #2, the B list film/television same role actress/singer, does this mean that she played the same role on tv and in a film? That's got to narrow down the choices quite a lot, and I think it also confirms in my mind that Rashida is our beloved spy. The AMA post made this connection seem almost absolute and know that we know Spy was introduced by the sister of a well-known music producer? Gotta be Rashida.

#3 will be easy to determine once we figure out #2.

I was thinking Matt LeBlanc for #4 but he was already married by then.

trixalicious said...

Ok, if #2 played the same role on TV as in a film then these lists should be helpful in narrowing down the possibilities:

List of Films made in to TV programs
List of TV programs made into Films

I was considering Stacy Dash for #2, but it's her cousin that's the music mogul, not her brother. And as far as I can tell, she's not a singer.

jax said...

what about Hillary Duff..Lizzie McGuire was a tv and movie

coolmom said...

I'm thinking Tim Allen for #4

Bomber Blue said...

wjhat about Mischa barton for #1 she was in the sixth sense

Khemenu said...

for #1 my first thought was Carmen Electra...but I think she was married in 2005

Trix said...

I think Brittany Murphy is an excellent guess. See this: "When she finally did settle down she stuck with it though for better or much worse." Brittany is now married to a seemingly horrifying man, and the news about him keeps worse and worse, there's even rumors that he's pimping her out a little to settle debts--and she's still with him. I think thats a huge clue. Brittany Murphy (the unfortunate initials BM) is my vote!

jax said...

that's why we guessed her

Harriet Hellfire said...

Matt Leblanc for #4. Brittany Murphy seems like a good guess for #1, but I wonder if it's too obvious...

Trix said...

Well Jax at least I take the time to state a solid reason why ;)

RandomRamblings said...

For #1, Brittany Murphy/Eva Mendes/Taryn Manning were the three that instantly jumped out and fit the profile.

#4 I'm still trying to figure out. If I figure out who got married recently, it should all come together.

jax said...

you're right i should always post the most fuckin obviously thing we ALL read with every guess.

Kara said...

Brittany was 1st in my mind too.
Ent, are we close?

jax said...

im trying to figure out who the singer is that played the same role on tv and in movies and fuck me all i got was Hillary Duff.

brendalove@gmail.com said...

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

jindi said...

fyi 2005 was when the brittany murphy cocaine rumours started and she swore to every publication that would listen that she didn't lose all that weight by hoovering blow.

Caroline said...

I love it, love it, love it.

jindi said...

...and she has been engaged 3 times: 2005, 2006, 2007.

jax said...

Happy Turkey Day B-Love!

Laurie said...

that guy that played Bud Bundy (David Faustino??) popped into my head for #4.

Dijea said...

hmmm.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Stephanie said...

Happy Thanksgiving to Nutley, NJ!

ajdzioba said...

How about Brian Austin Green...

EmilyR said...

I love this site, ENT, but I wish to god you'd learn the difference between direct and indirect pronouns.

"I found he and his friend."

Imagine if the friend wasn't there. Would you say, "I found he a former Playmate?" No, so don't do it when the friend is there either.

LYLAS!

Julie said...

i don't know if ashton has anything to do with music, but i would ADORE it if he were #4.

hello kitty said...

So the view in the picture is from the place near Yamashiro????

redgurl72 said...

I agree - Brit Murphy for the B list actress. She came to mind immediately and fits perfectly.
David Faustino for the shorty music producer wannabe and I think our Spy is Rashida too.
Matt Le Blanc for the now E list TV star although he is meant to be gay.

Same TV and film roles. X-files movie, Star Trek, hmmm... could be someone who has guested on a TV show as their movie character....

kelsey said...

hmmm, hello kitty, interesting! I wonder if that's true. wonder if ent started this blog around then. I am far too lazy to research.

good god, welcome to LA is right.

juju said...

the sister of the producer is the actress singer right? so that means that this person introduced him to the spy.

i have no clue still...

Jen said...

I think #1 sounds like Lohan and the "Proactiv" wording is a big clue because she is a spokesperson for them. Plus its well known she does coke and sluts it up.

trashtalker said...

David Faustino almost fits, but he got married in January 2004. This story took place in November 2005, at which point #4 was engaged.

How about Zachery Bryan, the oldest boy on Home Improvement? He was engaged in Oct. '05. (Don't know about the music part, though.)

DNfromMN said...

In the beginning of this blog, did Ent have a soft spot for both Lindsay and Britney? I like the thought, jen.

juju said...

who have lohan been engaged to?
can we say that she has settled down now?

Kory said...

Ugh! I love the long BI's, but really? A loser from NJ that wants to live likes it's Entourage? Really? I couldn't give a flying crap about him or his retarded LA experience.

Don't get me wrong, I will continue reading in hopes that the jackass catches herpes or the bird flu.

lwall7 said...

1. Britney Murphy
2. Stacy Dash
3. Damon Dash
4. Alfonso Ribeiro (Carlton of Fresh Prince)

redgurl72 said...

Ok so this one was staring me right in the face - Rashida Jones is the sister of Quincy Delight Jones III - music producer. Extremely well known name but not as recognisable as his Dad!
Rashida is an actress of TV & movies and also a singer and i've long thought her to be one of Ents spys. The only bit I can't figure is the same TV/Movie role. That bit trips me up and makes me think it could be Stacy Dash even though she is only cousin to Damon Dash.
Either way I'm convinced Rashida is in Ents circle of friends because she just seems to know all the people that get referenced and she is one cool chick. So does that mean the Spy is Ali Larter? I hope it's Ali - there are photos of her with Rashida from way back in the day so they've known each other for a while...

And I got confused in my earlier post about the B list actor who is now E list also being a wannabe producer.
I did some googling and the only one who seems to fit is David Faustino - I think Ent has changed a few details here and there or else he's forgotten them.

I'm still sticking with Brit Murphy for #1.

Kelli said...

I'm thinking Nicolette Sheridan for #1. I think she would be considered B list now, since she is on Desperate Housewives, & she's known to be a big cokehead, plus she's been engaged to everybody. Right around this time 2 yrs ago she broke up with that Swedish guy and started going out with Michael Bolton again. She is now pregnant with Michael Bolton's child (supposedly).

Kelli said...

I'm thinking Nicolette Sheridan for #1. I think she would be considered B list now, since she is on Desperate Housewives, & she's known to be a big cokehead, plus she's been engaged to everybody. Right around this time 2 yrs ago she broke up with that Swedish guy and started going out with Michael Bolton again. She is now pregnant with Michael Bolton's child (supposedly).

Kelli said...

I'm thinking Nicolette Sheridan for #1. I think she would be considered B list now, since she is on Desperate Housewives, & she's known to be a big cokehead, plus she's been engaged to everybody. Right around this time 2 yrs ago she broke up with that Swedish guy and started going out with Michael Bolton again. She is now pregnant with Michael Bolton's child (supposedly).

Kelli said...

I'm thinking Nicolette Sheridan for #1. I think she would be considered B list now, since she is on Desperate Housewives, & she's known to be a big cokehead, plus she's been engaged to everybody. Right around this time 2 yrs ago she broke up with that Swedish guy and started going out with Michael Bolton again. She is now pregnant with Michael Bolton's child (supposedly).

Kelli said...

oops, sorry

Miss X said...

Hey Kelli, you can delete the extra comments.

#1 Britney Murphy (we all seem to be on the same page here)
#4 Matt Leblanc (was he married 2 years ago?)

Christine said...

(1) Brittany Murphy. This one is quite obvious once you think about it...reputation for being a slutty cokehead, was b-lister around that time and constantly engaged or breaking up with someone, now married to a total loser and inexplicably sticking it out.

As for #4, my first thought was Scott Baio, but I don't think he was engaged at that time.

Laura said...

Jessica Simpson for #1? Does that make any sense at all....

2 years ago this month the big D happened

and the Proactiv hint...

"reality" set in..

?

Nosey Parker said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nosey Parker said...

#1- Brittney Murphy
#2- Brandy Norwood
#3- Ray J
#4- David Faustino

EM? =]