Your Turn
At what point do you consider someone late? Is it different if it is business rather than social? At what point do you get angry? Does waiting in a doctor's office make your answer different?
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52 comments:
Definitely different business vs. social. In the office I consider ten minutes to be officially late.
Socially, I consider 20 mins to be late and if you don't text me then I get pissed.
Having worked at a doctor's office, I don't get angry if I have to wait. It means that there was someone that had to be squeezed in or ran long b/c they really needed to be seen.
What @hunter said...
However, after 30 min, I get annoyed with doctors. Squeezing in is one thing, but if you are doing so to the point of throwing the schedule completely off by midday, there's a problem.
At the doctors office --- you're at Their mercy because you need help. Social. 15 - 30 minutes is my blood Pressure point. Business is different. I NEVER forget when a client is late. Ever. I blame the military parental unit "I said 2200 NOT 2201".
after 30 minutes at MD unless he is called in to the hospital for an emergency. 10 minutes for business. 1 second for custody exchange. social, eh. whatever. if we're going to the mall, who care. if we're going to a movie or have a time constraint (someone has to pick up kids, etc) that's different. i make an effor to be on time for everything, perhaps a bit obsessive about it.
I think it matters more whether or not the person is habitually late. Cuz stuff happens and if they call, then no problem. Same for Doctors' offices, one day you may have the emergency that holds up everyone else.
I hate being late. Unfortunately, most of the people I am friends with are habitually late, so I've gotten to the point where it doesn't bother me. You'll get there when you get there and me being all upset about it isn;t going to get you there faster.
What gets me angry is less the amount of time than the REPEATED instances of lateness. When my brother was dating his wife, she was deliberately late all the time and made people wait for her so she could make a grand entrance. I wanted to strangle her, literally. Luckily, my brother hated it, too, and did something about it (left without her when she wasn't ready for things). She cleaned up her act quickly, and now there is peace and harmony among us all.
I forgot to mention that in order to get them there on time I usually make it a half hour earlier than it needs to be. Like the movie really starts at 10, but I'll tell them 9:30.
I think being late (especially consistently) is rude and disrespectful - in both social and business environment, but definitely worse in business. Like pilly said - I never forget when a client is late, it is puts a big black mark next to them in my book. I will give social situations 15 minutes max.
10 minutes for business or personal (I'm anal about being on time). At a doctor's office I'll give them 20 minutes, then I expect someone to come to me and let me know I haven't been forgotten. And an update every 15 minutes after that with an option to reschedule. I've thrown fits in MD's offices if that doesn't happen. The only exception is if I've called and am being squeezed in that day because of a sudden medical condition (the flu, etc.) because the patients who scheduled their appointments on an earlier day shouldn't have to wait because I'm squeezed in at the last minute.
As an aside, don't bother complaining to the staff when you're constantly having to wait - the MD tells the staff how many people to schedule per day/hour. Complain to the MD! He/she is the only one who can change the office policy.
Wanted to add while I'm on this - when you schedule an appointment with an MD, the amount of time scheduled is according to why you're coming in. If you're seeing your PCP because you have headaches, they allot a certain amount of time. If you then say, "Oh, while I'm here, my back hurts a lot." that's a whole new workup and the time hasn't been alloted for it, but we still have to take care of it. So when you schedule an appointment, tell the scheduler everything you want to be seen about so they can allot the appropriate amount of time.
And thanks Enty for giving me an opportunity to get this off my chest!
Business-related, 1 minute or more is late. Period. End of story.
Family-related, it just depends on the person. If my brother hasn't shown up for an hour, I know to keep waiting, otherwise I'll get a call a bit later asking where I am. As for the rest of them, I give it about 15-20 minutes, then they're "Late".
Business 10- 15 mins. Dr, same. If an hour ,i leave, and dont use that dr anymore. I also worked for doctors, and many times u are waiting while they chat, go online, drink coffee, read. It drove us crazy at the front desk, and i wld apologize profusely, and people wld get nasty with me. Then they'd see the dr, and he wld snow them, and they'd come out saying how great he was!! Lol. For a friend I think 20 mins is enough to wait, half hour tops then I am outta there.
Business - be on time, period.
Social - 15 minutes, then you'd better call.
Having been raised by a chronically late, unapologetic mom, my biggest goal in life is to ALWAYS be on time for my kids. Nothing worse than always being the last one picked up. Teachers/coaches, etc., hate it, too.
Totally agree with SusanB about the doc situation.
what Frufra said (not about the Mom part, though). DR office, 15 min is average (except for my dentist who is 100% on time).
Business - 1 minute. If you're late and don't call, I'm irritated.
Social - 15 minutes. After that, if I have no call or text, I'm gone.
I am always on time.
For business, if you're not on time, you are late, period.
Socially, up to a half hour unless there is something to attend, a game, a movie, a reservation, and you'd better call or text and tell me you're on your way.
I think that people who are chronically late are showing a little subtle power play. Those people really irritate me. I dated a guy once that was never on time, I finally told him, if you're more than fifteen minutes late I will be gone. He was late, I was gone. I had to do this several times. I finally told him I was sick of the whole thing, be on time or never call again. he was never late again.
15 minutes without an explanation is when I start getting itchy.
15 minutes without an explanation is when I start getting itchy.
I feel so strongly about this, I had to post it twice. :)
@Del - I think chronic lateness is a total power play. Good old passive aggressive control mechinism, in my book.
ABsolutely agree that chronic tardiness is a power play. Its as though the person believes the world revolves around them and everybody else can just wait until their ready. Aggravating!
I'll give a doctor's office 15 minutes then they gotta let me know what's up. ESPECIALLY cuz they are quick to cancel if the patient shows up 15 minutes late. I understand emergencies that arise, but... my doctor's office for instance, I KNOW they always run 20 - 30 minutes behind. I've made a habit of calling first so that I don't have to take as much time off of work if I don't have to. When I complained about appointments running late I was told "Doctor likes to spend adequate time with his patients." to which my response was "Really? I know that back of his head more than I know his face. I get 5 minutes with the guy. If doctor wants to spend time with his patients he should schedule accordingly." to which I received a blank look in return. "i'm a doctor" is a convenient excuse I wish I could use...
You're late when you're not there at the specified time.
I don't get miffed unless (biz) it's over ten minutes or (personal) 20-30.
I have split a few times after waiting for people for a half an hour. And then they have the nerve to call and say "where are you?" and be mad? Uh, I left, because I wasted a half hour waiting for your sorry ass. SO rude.
I guess I'm the only one who doesn't really care.
I used to be the late one until I read an article that late people are either terribly inconsiderate and selfish OR really don't want to go to the event for which they are late. I didn't want to find out which one I am and now make every effort to be on time.
HOWEVER, some near and dear to me are always, always late and I have learned to be flexible.
I would rather wait on someone else than the other way around.
I do hate waiting at the doctor's office though. I do let the doctor know in a very polite way. The last visit I had the waiting room was SRO and when I finally got into the room I asked the doctor "What in the hell is going on out there?" He laughed and then apologized and grabbed my hand softly. Ooooh, maybe we had a moment and I was too miffed about the wait to notice?
A topic after my own heart:
I loathe lateness. I think this stems from childhood because my Mom was the Queen of Lateness. Dropping us off late at practice; late picking us up; late leaving the house; late for FUCKING EVERYTHING!!! Drives me bananas.
I have to have a high tolerance for this shit in my line of work because I am a piano teacher and I am at the mercy of frazzled parents who overbook their kid in every activity known to mankind. But, I just think honestly, if you were more organized, you would be on time and that's that. Habitually late people get on my last nerve.
AND, not only does 15 minutes late make me nuts at the doctor's office, don't even get me started when I'm waiting to get my hairdid. Waiting in salons makes me want to gauge my eyes out. I am not that kinda gal who wants to spend all fucking day in a salon. When I book 1 p.m., I mean 1 p.m. Make me wait; lose my business.
I like you, Susan!
I like you, Susan!
Sorry for the double - my phone is insane.
I once waited forty-five minutes to see a gynecologist--and that was in the exam room with a paper gown on. Could hear the doctor talking on the phone in the next room the entire time. Ugh. Finally I wrapped the gown around myself and stormed out to the front waiting room, now full of patients...oh, did I mention I'd purposely scheduled my appointment to be the first of the day?
Never went back there again.
Never late to appointments of any kind---dr or coffee, if I'm meeting someone, I'm on time and expect the same.
If I am hosting a cocktail hour or a grazing kind of gathering my motto is come early and stay late.
If I'm hosting a sit down dinner with several courses, late arrivals suck. I've never had anyone do that but later than 20 minutes into the pre-dinner cocktail then I'm serving without you. Get your own in the kitchen and join us for the next course.
@Susan, your mother has some serious competition from my mother! Ugh, I was late for everything (which was mortifying) until I could drive and she was always late to pick me up (even worse)- I spent quality time with every coach, drama teacher, etc. after practice because we'd be there at least 10 minutes, if not more (sometimes I had to call and remind her to come get me!) after whatever it was ended.
I live in Spain, so "late" is a very loose term. However, expats here are among the WORST because they abuse it. 10-15 minutes isn't late here, but at 20 you better have texted/called. Oh and if you made some kind of appointment, forget it. I usually block off double the time I'll need.
califblondy, those may be reasons why healthy people are habitually late, but some people are late all the time, and have to allow you to think they're just inconsiderate. Because finding out they have Clinical Depression, or OCD, or another problem is more embarrassing than simply being thought a jerk.
Mine is a social anxiety--I can't get myself to leave til the very last second. I have a good friend with a scatterbrained kind of OCD, where she thinks she has to take care of absolutely everything before she leaves, muttering the whole way. She has to go through her cosmetics & sundries, wondering if she 'might' need shoe polish while she's out paying the gas bill.
With my issues, I run about 5-7 minutes behind. My friend--'only' a half hour late would be a treat. I think the difference (besides our exact diagnoses) is she tries to treat herself w/ diet and supplements, and I actually get my advice from medical professionals. I have gotten better about punctuality over the years, and she's worse. She has a great life regardless, but you have to learn to love her lateness.
I'm not sure exactly when I turned into a person who is always a few minutes late for everything, but at some point, I did. I hate it and I try my best to get up earlier, leave earlier, etc, but there is always something else I have to finish before I go.
Are we talking someone or Aunt Flo, here? When that bitch is late or early, I get mad.
I find being late to say, "I'm more important than you so you can suck it". I guess I read a psychologist's take on tardiness. Also I worked with someone who did this constantly and it was so rude.
Needless to say punctuality is for me, an absolute.
At the Dr's, I understand. If someone is late to meet me I give it 15 minutes unless they give me a reason to stay and wait. And believe it or not, I don't bitch about their being late. The punctuality decree is for me out of respect for friends, family and business.
I am always late. If you don't like it don't make plans with me. Fortunately for me most of my friends are also late and don't give a toss. When you live in a city with shitty traffic or transit, it's a given.
Sorry, it's something I know about myself, it DOES NOT mean it's a power move (what a fucking stupid statement that has always been)and it's never going to change.
I have left two doctors office after waiting over 45 mins. When I say i'm always late, try maybe 10mins max. 45 minutes is unacceptable. Stop trying to jam more patients into one hour to BILL FOR MORE $$$.
I worked in manufacturing for 26 years and timeliness is very important. If I had an employee late and no call to say they were on their way, I had to shift people around to keep the big equipment running.
When the late guy or gal showed up I would not let them have their machine back, I would give them a tedious or lesser job to do. Invariably I would hear "But I'm one of your best operators, I should be running the machine." My reply was always, "Yes, you should be, but you didn't show up for work and they did. Your best is worth nothing if you're not here to do it."
I rarely had to do this more than once.
Libby, while I have made an effort to stop being late, there are many, many times when I cancel completely because I couldn't bring myself to face people, or a crowd, or I was afraid I'd be put on the spot in front of others or a million other excuses. I have a big event coming up in a couple of months that I'm absolutely dreading and I HAVE to be there.
Is that social anxiety?
Unfortunately, I've really regretted missing important events over the years. I've let people down much more by being absent than being late.
I consider 15mins. for business late. 20 for social. If you are my friend and late you better call or text me or I'll be pissed.
I HATE when a drug rep blows past me in the doctors office. I LOATHE it. Why should I have to make an appointment and they skate in the door. Yes I know the reps because I work in a pharmacy.
In business, 20 mintues.
Socially, people shouldn't be late.
And the doctor's office? Take a book.
Social - 5 mins is fine but after that text or call to say when you'll arrive.
Business - don't be late.
I don't care if it is a birthday party, business meeting, doctors appointment, or class at school. 5 minutes is late, and anything after 15 is inexcusable without a phone call and an urgent situation.
5 minutes is late; and I will be in a foul mood unless there's a text that arrives 15 minutes earlier informing me of the fact.
15 minutes or more is, like Knuckles said, inexcusable.
What people these days need to understand is that a phone call or text telling me you'll be late when I'm already at the venue at the appointed time DOES NOT MAKE IT ALL BETTER!
However, growing up in a third world country, I'm always mentally prepared to wait up to 6 hours for anything involving the doctor or any government services, regardless of where I am.
I have an hour window. Yes, I am flexible.
Had friends who were habitually late, decided that next time I was leaving. They never did it again! Hate being late, will no longer put up with others who are.
MadLyb - you're incredibly patient!
I was married to someone who was always late, he said he'd never wait for anyone let them wait for him. I was raised to believe it was a character fault to always keep people waiting....
Doctor's office 15-20 minutes...tops.
I'm late all the time. Always at least five minutes. I always feel terrible and I swear it is NOT a reflection on my attitude of the person I'm meeting or a power play. I'm just horrible w/ time management. My friends/family just know to expect it and I don't think anyone but my husband actually gets pissed.
I think social/business are two different animals. I've never been late for an interview or a meeting with a client.
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