Monday, August 04, 2008

Damn You Paula Abdul


Look, I hate waking up. I hate it even more so when it is anywhere in the 6-7am range. However last April I was fully prepared to do so when Paula Abdul was going to perform on The Today Show. It was going to be on a Friday so my plan was to find a few other like minded individuals and just hide down in the basement all night on Thursday and just push through until the dawn and Paula's performance. It was going to be great and I even was going to spring for Busch.

Then she canceled due to some kind of scheduling issues. What the hell does she do even when Idol is filming? Nothing at all. Don't let her fool you with some kind of scheduling crap, she doesn't do jack crap. But, she used the lie, and so it was rescheduled for August. Yep, it's August right now. So, where the hell is Paula and her performance? Canceled due to her busy schedule.

Ummm. Yeah. Why doesn't she just come out and say it. Just tell the world she can't sing, and that her last single was not even close to her voice and that she will look like the worst singer ever if she tries to get on stage and sing at 7am in front of a live audience with some iffy sound equipment.

When she does this kind of thing it just makes the rest of the world want to go back and look at what she did 20 years ago and examine those recordings just a bit more. I mean those records were done at the time of Milli Vanilli, Vanilla Ice and Chocolate, Chocolate. There really isn't such a group, but there was too much vanilla and not enough chocolate so, had to counter that.

Paula should just focus on sipping her gin and juice and not doing anything dumb while American Idol continues to numb all of us. Give it a few more years and then when the show has run its course, Paula can trot every now and then just so we know she is alive and has the funds necessary to buy and maintain new wigs. We as the public don't really need much more than that. Yes, it would have been nice to see her make a fool of herself on national television, but that would have only been fun for the first fifty or sixty viewings. After that I would have felt sad. Don't need to ruin the illusion that was Paula.



23 comments:

Mooshki said...

Ent, did you hear that Nigel Lythgoe is quitting American Idol? I'm very curious to see what will happen when someone else starts pulling the strings.

Mooshki said...

p.s. You didn't just out MV, did you?

captivagrl said...

are there answers to at least 3 BI in this post?

MAC said...

@Mooshki

I was wondering the same thing! But it seemed that MV was someone we would all be very surprised by and would taint the music industry. I don't know if anyone would be surprised by Paula lip synching.

Mooshki said...

But it's only in the last year or so that Paula has gone completely off the deep end, and the MV blind was earlier than that.

Captivagrl, the wig sounds like an answer to that blind, but I don't think the gin was a blind - I think that was always out in the open. :)

Mooshki said...

Never mind, after re-reading the blind, even though Enty blurred a bunch of the facts it's clear MV was someone with more records than Paula.

janetagain said...

actually, it would be shocking if it were her. shes a well-known artist and was huge back in her prime (from what i understand). just knowing that there was a singer with a hit record and song who didnt do any singing is enough to look at the music industry in a new way and make you question everyone. look what happened to milli vanilli. the scandal is still around today. this would deffinatley be shocking. i dont think its the necessarily the "person" that would shock us, just the fact that it was a singer with so many hit songs and records and sold out concerts.

but didnt the blind say the singer who sang for MV was a really good singer? even on the "forever your girl" cd the singing wasnt that good. it actually sounded like paula. so i dont know.

but wasnt there a law suit a while ago about some girl who sued paula and her record label for not payingroyalties to her back up singing or something?

MAC said...

I am on the Shania Twain as MV bandwagon. Her husband being the behind the scenes person and the fact that Enty said she had never been on his site prior to the Blind Item.

not a famous adrian said...

With the reference to Milli Vanilli and the statement that she can't sing, it does seems as if Paula is being outed.

april said...

Thanks for writing about this, Ent! I wanted to catch the April performance, but didn't get up in time. I was surprised that no one metioned the performance afterwards, but now I know why.

Have I told you about the time I watched her sell her crap at QVC at maybe two o'clock in the morning? She was showing some earrings, but had managed to put both of them in the same ear! How out of it do you have to be in order to do that? Later that same night her father called in sounding incredibly drunk, which actually made me feel bad for her. Maybe sounding drunk runs in the family, or maybe actual drinking does?

Sexecution said...

janetagain said... that's exactly what I thought. Long ago, I used to think about why her singing voice and intonation was so different from her speaking voice. I think that blind is most definitely our favorite alcoholic, Paula the Psychotic.

Ernestine said...

Well, I am WAY more inclined to believe that Paula is MV than Britney. It would basically ruin every good memory of my fifth grade year, but...okay.

I didn't really care about the outing of Milli Vanilla, though -- and I'll still get down to "Girl, You Know it's True." I won't lie.

I'm going to go youtube "Opposites Attract" to see if I still remember every single bit of M.C. Scat Cat's opening rap monologue.

"It's me and my homegirl, Paula Abdul!"

Ashlae said...

I can totally see MV being Paula. Everytime someone asks her to perform, she doesn't want to do it and if she has plans to do it, she cancels it every single time. The reason why it would be shocking is because Paula is an American Idol judge. It would ruin what little career she has left (which isn't much) and it would be a big scandal for the show, it would take alway all the credit the show has. How can a she be on the show judging the way others sing when she made her career out as a MV?

Sara said...

MV reveal!! MV reveal!!

Mentioning Milli Vanilli in the post sealed the deal.

(even though I always thought it was Shania)

Bex said...

Can't be MV-- original post said MV first recorded in late 2000.

Ashlae said...

Bex, I think after the MV blind item, Enty said he lied about the dates. So that means the MV didn't start recording in 2000.

This new post about Paula has sealed the deal. I've always thought it was either Paula or Shania. If this ever comes out, it would totally be a scandal especially with american idol still being on the air.

Bex said...

Ah, that's true, Ashlae.

Ernestine said...

Oh. My. God. It's TOTALLY Paula. Ashlae, oh loyal CDAN reader, you just convinced me. Good sleuthing, champ.

I don't think it's Shania for the same reason I no longer think it's J-Lo, and I've never thought it was Britney -- ST, JL, and BS each have awful(ly) distinctive voices. Shania is SO GORGEOUS, but she CANNOT carry a tune. And she's so damned pretty that no one really requires her to do so. She just has to show up and look good in her videos. Ditto Brit.

Ayesha said...

Did Paula ever go on tour? Either you're a "performer" or a "recording artist", in my book. "Recording artists" rely heavily on production and studio effects.

I always thought of her as being more like Madonna - the singing voice wasn't the main draw. Not sure what Paula's draw was. I think it was a combination of things and being in the right place at the right time. She was a cheerleader/choreographer/dancer and Emilio's girl and she had some interesting (for the time) videos.

Her voice was always too nasal or something.

Amy said...

Shania used to sing at the casinos in Canada before she got big, so I think that could be easily verified.

OMG - Paula and Janet were THE things at the end of the 80's. Seriously, everyone wanted to be one of those. Mariah came right after that.

I used to be able to do the tap dance from the beginning of Straight Up! LOL! Anyways, I just relistend to Straight up and it sounds like Paula...so either they remixed her later stuff, or she's way on the alcohol.

CynCamden said...

Damn....I used to listen to this song way back. I played it over and over and over....

Now that you mentioned it, I can't get it out of my head.LOL.

I want everyone else to share my pain. Come on. Sing along. You know you want to:

You're the whisper of a summer breeze.
You're the kiss that puts my soul at ease.
What I'm saying is I'm into you...

janetagain said...

for some reason i dont think its paula though. her voice sounds just like her speaking voice and its very nasaly and not that great. the blind said the singer was really good.

but i wouldnt be surprised. and yes, the fact that she judges a singing competition would be a huge scandal if she is mv. and she kind of is a "legend"

perhaps they just mixed her voice in with another singers voice? so technically she is singing all her songs but its mixed. 40/60, 45/55.

janetagain said...

also, another reason why it is not paula and why it wouldnt be shocking if it was her is because around, what, 1992 that back up singer came out and claimed she wasnt credited for everything she did on "forever your girl" and that she had sang a lot on it.

its already public knowledge. so it really wouldnt be shocking.

unless of course paula did NO singing, but im pretty sure it is her singing. shes not that good. no offence.

oh yeah, wasnt paula in a movie once singing and she had sounded very bad? of course she could have had some singing lessons.

has anybody ever wondered if MV was a boy? the creator of the blind said he had changed some information as to not get caught. could the gender have been changed? now that would be something.

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