Friday, November 09, 2007

Ted C Blind Item

Okay, enough of the hetero, scatological Vices, time for some good ol’-fashioned homo rump-rangin’ activities for an (old) change! After all, when we got that smelly heap o’ emails from folks complaining about the last few stinky-poo Vices—who knew straight people could have such daring fun with excrement?—did you all think we’d actually not return to our well-stacked library of running scared, extremely horny, closeted Hollywood actors? Please.

So, here we are with Seymour Plow-Me-More, multitalented star and performer, both in and out of the bedroom, where he assumes an amazing array of positions, possibilities and partners. But to be fair, when Sey-babe cheats on his hardly naive honey (whose quasi-attractive face seems to harden with each new trick SPMM picks up), it’s usually with good-lookin’ dudes. In fact, it always is.

Take this last time, for ince. Academy Award-nominated Seymour was visiting one of Hell-Ay’s myriad spas, which are to Los Angeles what Greek coffee shops are to Manhattan. This time, for Plow-Me-More’s man-hunting mission, he’d chosen one of Hell-Ay’s more outta the way steam-room joints, toward downtown, thinking nobody would recognize him. Are these celebs on crack? Do they really think incognito only kicks in south of Wilshire?

Seymour cornered his latest beefy selection, took off his own towel (still impressive equipment, must say, even though what’s holding it all together hardly is), and asked for what Seymour usually requests his partners to do to him—i.e., get his oversize bum diddled. The boy—he was almost a boy—declined Mr. Plow-Me-More’s gracious offer and suggested to fellate the movie star instead, a lovely idea that was accepted and received, by the by.

You see, said nooky provider tells us he thought it would be “a bit much” to be corn-holed by Seymour Plow-Me-More in a public steam room. As if a blow job is nothing more than a simple shaking of hands.

Well, in sex-for-everything Hell-Ay, s'pose it is.


It Ain't: The Rock, Chris Rock, or David Spade


31 comments:

Trix said...

Hmmm from the "And it aints" I want to say Adam Sandler...wasnt he nominated for Punch Drunk Love? Maybe not.

TechSlave2007 said...

Hanks!

TechSlave2007 said...
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TechSlave2007 said...
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TechSlave2007 said...

Jack Nicholson was the original Seymour in Little Shop of Horrors back in the day.

Jo said...

What about Philip Seymour Hoffman? He's multi-talented (stage & screen), has been nominated/won many awards, has a reasonably attractive long term girlfriend &, I find, a super effiminate air to him.
Only catch is the 'Nominated' for academy award part. He's won one but ya'll gotta be nominated in order to win, no?!

TechSlave2007 said...

Haley Joel Osment! OH YEAH!! J/K

Bryn said...

John "Locker Room" Travolta. Oscar nominated for Pulp fiction "over sized bum", wife's aware of his activites.

GammaGirl said...

i agree with bryn, its one of the older "usual suspects." john travolta fits.

i'm starting to get "meh" about ted's bi's.

Trix said...

If its really only just John Travolta then I'm disappointed--he's had a lengthy one about him already.

Twisted Sister said...

The Rock, Rock, Spade. I'm not getting the connection to the Ain'ts.

JustinD said...

WILL SMITH! Rapper, and a fine actor.

Don't forget how tight Jada's face has gotten.

E said...

The numerous mentions of "Vice" make me think this is Jamie Foxx, except for the whole long-term gf thing... Maybe it's a reference to a movie or something, I don't really care.

Twisted Sister said...

Travolta is an excellent guess because the phrase, "still impressive equipment, must say, even though what’s holding it all together hardly is" means he's older and less attractive than he once was. Plus over-sized bum is sure descriptive of him. And yeah, the description sounds like Kelly Preston, too. Not to mention he's known for hitting on men in those situations.

DNfromMN said...

Again, TS, given that our clues are The Rock, Chris Rock and David Spade. (2 rocks and a shovel?)... I'm not buying Travolta (even though he was my guess all along until the nots). It's gotta be someone who was a comedian. Will Smith isn't out of shape.

Dijea said...

Travolta is too obvious isn't it. Come-on does anyone really think he's straight?

Twisted Sister said...

dnfrommn, I don't consider The Rock a comedian, though. That's why I'm having trouble connecting the Ain'ts with anyone, really.

2 rocks and a spade, I thought the same thing. What does that mean?

And you're right - hell no, Will Smith isn't out of shape!

dijea, Travolta does seem too obvious, but then, it may have been a slow week for Ted.

captivagrl said...

first thought travolta...butt..stallone is a better fit( quasi- attractive face is not kelly, flavin yes)

captivagrl said...

stallone "rocky"

jax said...

ooh good one..travolta

DNfromMN said...

captiva, I think you might have got it. How does David Spade fit in, though?

captivagrl said...
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captivagrl said...

THEY ALL HAVE DONE SNL

mngddess said...

OK - explain to me why he says in the blind that Seymour is Academy Award nominated, but then uses The Rock, Chris Rock or David Spade for the "it aint's"......

mngddess said...

Ah - two rocks and a spade..... sorry - I have a head cold.

DNfromMN said...

Just playing devil's advocate here: Stallone has hosted SNL but so has almost every a-lister.

Also, we've always thought that Ted's nickname was a clue. John Tra-Vol-Ta (4 syllables). Syl-Ves-Ter Stal-Lone (5 syllables like Sey-More Plow-Me-More).

Also the hint that his equipment is known is a link back to party at kitty & stud's. (although I never thought it was anything special, it is a "known talent").

captivagrl said...

"amazing array of positions,possibilities,and partners" the out of bedroom part could refer to boxing...also he has gotten out of shape since the last film. his "honey fits too, she photographs very hard sometimes.i don't see that with kelly preston. no doubt he is multi talented...actor,writer,director, producer,boxer,etc.

Still lovin Buddha, (even if he doesn't love pale women) said...

Sorry but there is now way in Heck that Stallone is Gay...plus he is still in shape he just finished Rambo, there is no way this is him..sorry I would buy Clooney before Stallone

Kelli said...

hmmm:
russell crowe or
peter o'toole

pisly said...

Woody Harrelson
--Nominated (but didn't win) for Larry Flynt movie.
--5 syllables in name

Don't know the connection to David Spade/The Rock/Chris Rock.

redgurl72 said...

rocks and spades - found in gardens. plow - fields. I'm thinking an outdoors clue here but my brain isn't working. Anyone?!!