Friday, October 05, 2007

Ted C Blind Item

This one’s about everything you’ve come to expect in Hollywood: bad outfits, dubious hairdos and even worse manners.

Tanya Tush-Tease and Bubba Hubba are such the H-town spoiled stars. Sure, they like their swag out the wazoo (who doesn’t, besides moi?), but we can’t exactly crucify the very beautifully bottomed couple for that Debra Messing-esque behavior alone now, can we? Well, we could, but it’s better than that. Read on:

T3 and B.H. and their fancy-bummed set o’ pals, like a lotta petunia-obsessed jokers out here, live to send extravagant flower arrangements (mostly to each other). This fierce flora set is sorta the same as those deranged women—and men, too—who think just because a guy’s majorly endowed he’s gonna be big-time fun in bed. So wrong!

Nevertheless, TTT and B-boy keep sending bigger and bigger arrangements, courtesy the loyal florist who has been tirelessly servicing the often ridiculously outfitted couple for years. But what’s interesting—and pretty mother-effin’ sick, if you ask this sicko mother-effer—is that the more millions this Tinseltown couple makes, the less often they pay their damn fleur bill.

In fact, it’s gotten so bad lately the polite flower arranger had to ask for payment, only to be told, “Well, couldn’t we pay you less money for recommendations?”

Stupidly, the woebegone wisteria arranger agreed.

Guess who’s getting paid even less often than before? Uh-huh, Tanya and Bubba’s poor put-upon florist, who’s now so ingrained with this couple’s decadent set she’s loathe to bolt for fear of losing the rest of her posh clientele.

What’s the matter here, you two (often) bad-acting, money-grubbing dilettantes? Is stealing from other people’s livelihoods as exciting to you as swinging with those same-sex partners you two hotties are so burnin’ for? Don’t think for a second we don’t know to whom a ton o’ those phallus-shaped buds are being delivered.

And it ain't Tom Hanks & Rita Wilson, Rebecca Romijn & Jerry O'Connell, Nicole Kidman & Keith Urban

20 comments:

Nancy said...

will and jada

lmm1969 said...

will & jada

wood1107 said...

That would be my guess too. I also thought of David & Victoria Beckham, but will and jada fit this better.

jenner said...

Will & Jada bcs of the "same sex partners", but the fancy bum & horrible outfits makes me think of JLo & Marc.

Either way that's despicable.

PS - am I alone in that I HATE reading Ted C? I don't hate HIM, but reading one of his blind items takes time and stamina I simply can't afford right now...

David said...

JLo and Mark.

JLo is THE "tush" in Hollywood.

kevin said...

"woebegone wisteria" is this a clue? Could be one of the DH ladies?

Ice Angel said...

I was thinking Courtney Cox and David Arquette the whole time reading this!

Nina said...

Longoria and Parker

moira said...

Yeah, Kevin, I thought wisteria was a clue too... I was thinking Eva Longoria and Tony Parker until he mentioned that they both act- badly. I can't think of another couple on that show that would work though- Felicity H and William H Macy are both pretty good!

I like the J-Lo guess I suppose.

And Jenner- SO agree. Ted C's BI's are just too much work and too ridiculous, and that sly, corkscrew wording makes me feel dirty. Plus, way too many times they aren't particularly interesting- so and so in Hollywood is gay, so and so does drugs, blah blah blah.

I still read them every time though. I'm lame that way.

mngddess said...

Ted's BIs give me a headache.

captivagrl said...

i think will and jada fit... but now i'm considering ashton and demi...STRIP"TEASE" and DEBRA MESSING (WILL and GRACE) could refer to demi, JOKER and MAJORLY ENDOWED could be ashton...? they are known for nice bottoms, and are often bad-acting...

GammaGirl said...

I don't love Ted C's BI's either. I guess its Will and Jada?

jennifer_c_chandler said...

Reading Ted's BIs make my head hurt!

Trix said...

Clues that its Eva Longoria and her beau:

Wisteria-her show
the use of "fleur", french for flower, and Tony Parker is french. Not to mention, she pulled the same crap with her wedding.

Miss X said...

My first guess was Will & Jada but I think I like the Eva & Tony guess even more

I'm not a Ted C BI fan, either. That's why I'm here.

Fabiola Thing said...

"often ridiculously outfitted couple"

Mmmmmm, who does this fit best?
Will and Jada?
The Tush and Skeletor?
Eva and Tony?

redgurl72 said...

I think the Wisteria mention is a red herring.
It says that the florist has been supplying them for years and Eva and Tony haven't really been around for that long. Also Tony isn't really Hollywood and it sounds like T3 and HB are both actors.
The mention that they are both bi-sexual, have 'posh' friends and are both often bad actors makes me think Jada and Will. The rumours swirling around their friends Tom, Katie, Posh and Becks would suggest they wouldn't be adverse to a bit of swinging! Oh and the Smiths can't dress for s**t.

Virgo74 said...

I don't think it is Will and Jada! Will is a pretty good guy!

Maybe Nicollette and ber boo, that singer with the receeding hairline. Michael Bolton.

linda said...

Bad Actors...will Smith has been nominated for an Academy Award, and received critical acclaim for 6 Degrees of Separation...don't think he is considered a bad actor...

The Ain'ts....Tom & Rita, Nicole & Keith, and Rebecca & Jerry....

I can figure out people that are tied to the first two....but Rebecca and Jerry throw me off completely.

k said...

Will and Jada.

Will is a nice guy, but Jada isn't. She controls the money and is a bad tipper. She's a bitter pill - a nasty shadow of her husband since she never quite made it on any front.

Yet she pays big to $cientology - which seems to be an reliable indicator of a control freak.

I can see them both using ostentatious ugly floral arrangements to fluff up their commitment and spoil those who share their bed.

Will always looks like a 13 year old in his first shiny suit and Jada is a fashion disaster - bitter butch without any Joan Jett bravado and fierceness.