Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Christina Aguilera Making Sexy Time In Pool


Apparently Christina Aguilera moved into a neighborhood populated by elderly people and they do not appreciate any noise at all after the dinner hour. Incidentally the dinner hour is whatever time they get back from the Denny's early bird special, but think 430 or 5p. Any noise after that is just rude.

Well, apparently Christina and her caveman husband like to put the baby to bed or one of the staff does, or they just set the kid in a lawn chair with a bottle and let him watch Christina and Caveman make sexy time in the pool. Almost every night, Christina and the Caveman head outside to the pool and are not wearing a stitch of clothing. I know, I know, but try not to picture the Caveman who should in no way be confused with Captain Caveman who also seemed to do well with women. Must have been the big stick he was always carrying. This Caveman is also not to be confused with The Caveman who was also a manny to Britney Spears. Whatever happened to that guy by the way? Did he go back to Encino and make cameos in Pauly Shore movies?

Once outside, "They don’t just splash around - they laugh, scream, swear and make sexy noises," a source told The Sun. "We’re happy that they’re happy, but we wish they would keep it down a bit. "There are a lot of old people who live around here, and they don’t like noise after the dinner hour."

Wow. How bored am I today that I am writing about old people complaining to The Sun about the noises Christina Aguilera makes when she has sex. How did The Sun find out? Do they have an LA office that goes around knocking on neighbor's doors asking if they have had any problems with the kids next door? So, it is probably just an elaboration on the interview Christina gave where she said that she and Jordan walk around naked on Sundays. If you are walking around naked on Sundays, then you are probably having sex in the pool on Mondays. It is not too big of a stretch to imagine Jordan screaming like a virgin everytime he gets to have sex with his wife, thus the story. Let me know when one of the neighbors gets a video camera.

13 comments:

kris_r said...

...wow...not sure if I'm repulsed or happy for them....

canadachick said...

wow slow day - Xtina and jessica....what's next She who's name shall not be spoken ??

Frankly i'd scream too if i had to have sex with that man !!

shegundala said...

They're both pigs. How difficult is it to act like adults and take other peoples' feelings into consideration? If you're making so much noise that your neighbors can hear you having sex, then you just need to grow the fuck up.

jax said...

old people get a life and stop perving on the neighbors.

califblondy said...

Woohoo, good for them.

I bet these people complaining don't think anything about letting their dogs bark, but get pissed about a married couple enjoying the big stick.

tania said...

I'm on Team Old People.
It's rude to make others listen to your 'sexy times'. Especially if the neighbours are too old to join in!

califblondy said...

Tania, never too old!

Maybe Christina needs to have her version of a Tupperware party and pass out Viagra instead of burping lids.

Everybody in the pool.

Rebecca said...

Oh please. Didn't that used to be the Osbourne's house? They should be glad it's only a little moaning and groaning from Xtina and not Sharon/Ozzy.

Twisted Sister said...

I'm betting it's the little old ladies with blue hair who are complaining. Their husbands are probably enjoying it.

jax said...

it's not like you or i being as close to our neighbros..hello its Xtina im sure there must be a good 20ft between the houses. lol and if it is the old Osbourne's house be glad it's not a moldy ham Granny!

i got no sympathy, i live around old epople and they complain about everything just to complain. sorry being older does not entittle you to a perfect friggin life.

turn up Leno and chill.

nothingsacred said...

lol
they just don't want to throw up the pureed goodness they just inbibed lol

AphraelDanae said...

Is it wrong that all I can think is "Well, Christina's equiped - she certainly doesn't have to worry about drowning..."

Robin the Mad Photographer said...

I heard a very amusing tale once involving a young newlywed couple back in the '50s who were, as newlyweds tend to be, rather active and enthusiastic (first thing in the morning, last thing at night, and when he came home from work for lunch at the least...). They tried to be reasonably quiet, but apparently the downstairs neighbors were all too aware of the bouncing bedsprings, and the wife finally felt compelled to do something...

And so it came to pass that the bride opened her door one fine day to both her mother and her mother-in-law standing there, unsuccessfully trying to stifle their hysterical peals of laughter at the news they had to deliver...it seems Downstairs Neighbor Lady tattled on the couple to their moms and demanded that Something Be Done (or not be done, as it were). The moms finally dragged it out of DNL that what was really driving her crazy wasn't overhearing the sex per se, but the fact that it was getting her husband rather, um, excited, to the point where he kept bothering her; she, unfortunately for him, couldn't be bothered with him, and the upshot (oh, the puns just write themselves...) was that he was jacking off so often that he ended up with the masturbation equivalent of tennis elbow...yes, really. The bride, understandably, was humiliated, but did at least have to chuckle a bit over DNL getting her panties in a wad, as the latter was notoriously prudish and blue-nosed; and, of course, the moms were laughing about it for weeks afterwards.

(The eventual solution? Putting the mattress directly on the floor. Problem solved... ;-)

So, if the worst thing the neighbors have to worry about is overhearing Christina & Jordan whooping it up in the pool, then they should be thanking God daily for their charmed lives, and reminding themselves that at least they're not dodging flying hams anymore...

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