Thursday, October 29, 2009

Ted C Blind Item

Think most of our homo Vices have totally effed-up ways of pursuing love? Well, don't rule out the horny-ass heteros, cause Adam Pounce-Prick is at the top of the heap when it comes to humiliating ways of getting off.

Adam P.P. dated a few other celebs once becoming a recognizable name—some honeys way out of his league, but they seem to fall for this funny fella's charm, if not his somewhat-appealing looks. But Adam, like every other swell-headed male out there, wants what he can't get.

Cue violins now, please.

Specifically, APP has his randy eye on one particular lady not in the business, not into casual stuff in the boudoir, either. Too bad for Pouncey, cause that's all he's looking for nowadays, and with this gal, he kept getting outright (and painfully) rejected. Did he finally prevail?

Well, listen up:

Those close to the lady of our dear Ad's affections don't say she has high standards or morals when it comes to bedding guys—they say she's a "prude." Because how dare a dude, and a famous one at that, get denied! What an icy bitch this girl is!

Adam has been incessantly texting Miss Priss late at night to thrill her with sweet nothings. Such as? Asking her if she wanted to "suck face," or "roll under the covers with me." We're not kiddin', folks, we couldn't dream up these lame one-liners (that still live in the femme's phone so she can whip 'em out at parties and give everybody a good laugh).

APP's totally horrible pickup lines for a booty call show just how immature he is in real life, not just the man-children he plays onscreen. (Though we give the dude some respect for not flat-out telling her to sit on his face or some other crude Piven-like crap.)

Well after a few weeks, Pouncey finally got the girl to come over by asking if she wanted to watch a movie. Right. Not sure why Miss Priss fell for this dork's see-through excuse, but she came over to his pad. "Door's open," he shouted from inside, and she sauntered in. And there Ad was, standing completely in the buff.

Miss Priss screamed, as any normal babe would who was being flashed (and sexually harassed) by Pouncey's paunchy bod, and flew the ef out of there, leaving Ad cold, alone and with a fab drop-dead line:

"I've already seen your movie."

What a way to woo a girl, man. It's a wonder you get laid at all.

And It Ain't: Paul Rudd, Bradley Cooper, Jonah Hill

30 comments:

allisonshine72 said...

David Spade is my guess

Nikki said...

jason segel? seth rogan?

Lori said...

Jason Segal - showed full frontal in Sarah Marshall. Poor thing.

Hilary said...

second that one- Jason Segal for the Win-

chopchop said...

Jason Segal. Another clue was the "what a way to woo a girl, man". Jason was in "I Love You, Man" with Paul Rudd.

Babs said...

I'm jumping on the Jason train, too. What a jerk.

Angie said...

Jason Segal! I think he dated Drew Barrymore?

West End Girl said...

Segel also works with the syllables that Ted's put up.

Sporky said...

Totally Jason

HeyThere said...

SEGEL, not Segal.

Mooshki said...

From what I've heard, he seemed like a really nice guy before the fame got to him. :(

Babs said...

Isn't that the case with most of the celeb assholes, Mooshki? A little fame and attention really seem to mess with their heads.

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

Dear god, that is sooooo Jason Segel. I've been in severe denial that he's a dbag in real life, but it's time for me to face facts. Damnit.

chopchop said...

He'll always be Nick Andopolis to me. *sigh*

shazzzba said...

BABS & MOOSHKI...YUP A TOUCH OF FAME AND A GUY WHO COULD NEVER GET A DATE SUDDENLY THINKS HE'S A STUD...REALITY CHECK...

amanda rae said...

Not buying this, because there aren't any straight men in Hollywood. Maybe there's some bi ones, but NOBODY is straight. So no dice, Ted!

Anonymous said...

LOL@amanda

Icecat said...

Wow! A Ted C. blind item I could not only understand and read the whole way through, but one I also know the answer too!!! Aha!!!

I'm on the Segel train. Just watched Sarah Marshall last weekend and (I don't know why) was shocked that we got full peen :)
It's about time right?? We get naked girls all the time....

maura said...

Wait, isn't this a plotline from "How I Met Your Mother"? The Naked Guy?

Tizzy said...

Got to be Jason Segal. Oy.

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

Chopchop - I know, that's what's killing me!

Funny Girl said...

My first instinct was Wilmer Valderrama, but this does sound like Jason Segal.

*girl said...

Yes, Maura, this is the Naked Man! But remember... the guy is only supposed to do it as a last resort. 2 out of 3 times...

Anonymous said...

I don't know if he's nice in real life. I think the whole I-play-with-puppets-and-can't-get-a-date is a schtick that he plays up for interviews. He's just another rich kid from the Pacific Palisades (his dad is a big-time attorney) who is now a total asshole.

Stardust said...

The clues do sound like him. But I've seen him a few times on the lot and at a restaurant (he was dining alone), and he was very nice, approachable and a bit dorky to boot. BTW - this happened to my sister with a guy when she was in her early 20s. One of the funniest stories she's ever told me.

RocketQueen said...

Totally Segel. The day after Ted did a follow-up piece further pointing everyone in his direction. He doesn't usually make it so easy - Ted must be seriously disgusted by him.

Char said...

Segal, he was just trying The Naked Man, from HIMYM! Haha, can't blame a guy for trying!

Miss X said...

@maura It was! No doubt this is Segel. Makes me sad. He's one of my favorites. Very talented.

Idiot Watcher said...

My first thought was Zach Braff...

abigail7881 said...

I would like to have ted change the name from Miss Priss to something not as immature. Just because the man is a slut doesn't mean all women in hollywood are sluts.

At least we know the woman isn't parisite hilton!

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