Friday, October 08, 2010

Ted C Blind Item

There lies a point when the debauched dalliances of our more storied Blind Vice celebs turn from sultry to sad. And it sure is getting that way, fast, for our beloved closeted movie idol, Crotch Uh-Lastic.

Poor Crotch. He used to amuse us all so much, by divining these ultra-elaborate kinky sex hook-ups, totally hot and daring stuff! But no more.

Now, Crotch is just plain ol' stupid:

Many of Crotch's close friends, colleagues and reps are hugely worried about the handsome dude. He's starting to do dumb things. He tweaks out all night, doesn't sleep, and then stumbles his way through interviews the next day.

Now, it's nothing new for Crotch to weirdly work his way through a chat with a journo—it's always been a charming side to the dimpled boy. But now all charm's been replaced by hollow eyes and listless pale skin.

"He's losing it," emphasizes a close confidant, adding Crotch's sexual escapades are "practically out in the open" to people in the business now. No one knows what's really going on up in Lastic's lonesome abode because he's exiling those close to him, beard included, who has stuck by him through a lot.

And it's not just risk-taking hook-up scenes, which we've mentioned before. But now the not-eating, staying up all night Hollywood way of living seems to have completely, sadly, taken over Crotch's very hunky existence.

Thing is it's not like Crotch is partying his talent away. You definitely won't see him out at the clubs with Leonardo DiCaprio's bromantic crew. Instead, CU-L is just isolating himself, ignoring calls for days, and appearing wackier and wackier whenever he mingles in with the real world.

Uh-Lastic doesn't even bother with the beard significant other anymore. No wonder the guy's been freaking people out lately with his career. Huge waste.

And It Ain't: Zac Efron, Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Cruise

35 comments:

rtsew said...

Isn't this supposedly James Franco?

RocketQueen said...

Or Kevin Spacey?

RocketQueen said...

Strike that guess, although I love him, I doubt Ted would describe Kevin as "handsome". Franco might be a good guess with the dimples and he DOES look like he doesn't eat vegetables anymore.

califblondy said...

Jared Leto looked pretty scary in the last picture I saw of him.

Franco has the dimples though.

Nutty_Flavor said...

Sounds like John Travolta to me, and the fake name has the same rhythm. Travolta is now pretty much out, and his beard has "stuck with him through a lot."

rtsew said...

I've heard bad things about Spacey supposedly liking his boys on the borderline illegal (age) side. Don't know if it is true or not though.

jess said...

James Franco is a great guess, he has changed so much over the last two years, he's looking sicker and sicker. But he's been going to school (Masters degree?) and acting so I don't see the huge waste since he's doing a lot of things at once.

rtsew said...

I think Travolta is supposed to be Seymore Plow Me More.

kelli_girl said...

Long time reader, first time poster (I've always wanted to say that!).

Seems like James Franco has a great career right now, couple of movies coming out (Howl & the one about the hiker who had to cut off his arm) so my guess is that Jonathan Rhys Meyers dude. He used to be so good looking, but he's totally morphed into a creepy weirdo!

MommaSaid said...

How about Hayden Christenson?

Ahari said...

Hayden has been working steadily, Takers in theaters and premiering in Europe this week, Vanishing on 7th St. at the Toronto Film Fest, he's due to start filming The Cold this winter and has been doing a lot of charity work. Plus, he's looking amazing since dumping that toxic boat anchor Bilson.

sherri dee said...

I like the Jonathan Rhys Meyers guess... he was so hot when the Tudors began and, by the time it was over, not so much. Sad.

GauchoGirl said...

What about Ben Stiller?

Nutty_Flavor said...

Does Rhys Meyers have a beard? I seem to recall that he has been in rehab once or twice, however-

Ben Stiller is hardly handsome.

Nutty_Flavor said...

I would also point out that the "it's nots" are all mostly movie-only stars, and all A-List idols in their respective age groups.

ms_wonderland said...

(Just had that error message. Always highlight your post and hold the copy before hitting publish. That way you don't have to retype it.)

The previous 'aint's'

Adam Brody, Alexander SkarsgÄrd, Christian Bale, Sean "Diddy" Combs, Dwayne Johnson, John Mayer, Josh Hartnett, Kevin Spacey, Matthew Broderick, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Downey Jr., Ryan Gosling, Ryan Phillippe, Tobey Maguire, Tom Hanks, Topher Grace

Lot of A listers. James Franco sounds a good guess.

Ahari said...

I got the 503 message also, and have in the past. It's good to copy your post first, just in case. What I tried was right-clicking and then choosing "reload," and my comment was then posted.

surfer said...

If you look at the last names in "And It Ain't," the last names begin with E, D, C. So working backwards, I think it might be someone whose last name begins with a B.

But, I have nothing to offer. Sorry. That E,D,C just jumped out at me. Not that it necessarily means anything.

Nutty_Flavor said...

Or the name begins on the other end of the letter series - F, as in Franco.

Ice Angel said...

I thought this was supposed to be the kid from Twilight, but don't know who is supposed beard is.

James Franco does not have a beard, that I know of.

Jennifer said...

2 of the it ain't are Leo and Tobey. They are both "bro's" with Kevin Connolly. I think he may fit. Looks like he's had a series of long term relationships that went no where. I'm just not sure if he has dimples or not.

surfer said...

@ Nutty_Flavor

tru dat!

kathy said...

I don't think it's Franco. Heard him interviewed on NPR last week, and he didn't sound wacky or out of it.

Missjenny619 said...

And Franco does not have a "beard" right now either... (I second what was mentioned above me)

delilah said...

Adrien Brody
Owen Wilson
Adrian Grenier

delilah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bubbles said...

When was the last time Kevin Spacey bothered with a beard other than on his face?

Tenley said...

Heh, yeah, even if Kevin Spacey hadn't been on an earlier "and it ain't" list, I actually thought Kevin Spacey was not just totally out but flamboyantly out. Is that really not the case?

sunnyside1213 said...

Franco was dating an Anna something or other.

Jackie said...

My first thought was Mario Lopez. But after reading the comments, I've changed my mind.

*Hops on Franco train*

Dolly72 said...

Bradley Cooper??

Nutty_Flavor said...

I still like Travolta. He fits every clue.

Gypsy said...

No one's guessing Downey Jr?

Kid Sis said...

Ms_Wonderland found the Aints that include Robert Downey Jr.

What about Colin Ferrell? When I think of wasted talent and notorious sexy hookups...plus he actually was A list (for action movies AND Oscar possibilities) and I'm thinking I remember dimples.

Nina said...

I am thinking James Franco. Colin Farrell looks more sober than ever.

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