Friday, June 20, 2008

Ted C Blind Item

No, not Toothy Tile. For a change. Ever since ol’ Tooth re-recommitted to Gray Goose and they got all hideously domesticated, our double-T seems to have lost his devotion to doing it in every open space he can manage. Like WeHo parking lots and the such. I mean, so many men just have sex the same way they pee, right? Let it fly (whatever the bodily liquid) wherever ya want! Morals be damned, a man’s gotta go—or go-go—when he’s gotta, right?

Right, squeals our latest boy wonder in the annals of Hollywood homosexual clandestine coupling. Dude’s name is Public Thrust. He’s a star of considerable rising proportions, is on some huge-ass projects. Huge. P.T.’s career is certainly humming along just fine, thanks much. And isn’t it fascinating, P.T.’s peeps, who supposedly have his best interests in mind, are doing their best to steer Mr. Thrust away from any gay projects that come dancing his way (‘cause, let’s face it, the guy looks as queer as my hair), all the while Public-babe is hitting some H-town parties that don’t exactly cater to the beer-and-football type o’ guys.

More specifically? Let’s just say that while Thrust’s managers and such are doing their best to keep their star out of anything remotely Brokeback Mountain-esque, P.T.’s performing, quite impressively, I must say, at some H'wood dos where doing each other is the point of the gathering. Orgies, gay ones—in case you’re having trouble reading my totally homo cryptospeak.

You know what this means, don’t you? It’s the same with Toothy. It’s the same with married men who cheat. It’s all about getting caught, in other words. Public, just like Tooth, wants to be found out. They desire to be out. But they just can’t seem to find the guts to do it. So they let their peckers do the walking, or talking, as it were.

Congrats on your Blind Vice badge of Honor, Public! Welcome to the chubby clubby!

44 comments:

Poey said...

Shia LeBoeuf?

what is eight past six? said...

Orgies, gay ones—in case you’re having trouble reading my totally homo cryptospeak.

No, Ted, it's the REST of your damn cryptospeak that we have trouble reading. The gay comes across juuuuust fine.

RagDoll said...

Chris Evans?

MontanaMarriott said...

Cristian Bale?

laesmralda said...

That's hilarious gayla! Love it!

Damned Fallacy said...

Zac Efron. I think all the singing/dancing clues lead to him. Plus, you gotta admit, he DOES look as gay as Ted's hair. :D

ms_wonderland said...

Just beat me to it damned! Must be Zac Efron.

mooshki said...

in case you’re having trouble reading my totally homo cryptospeak.

This is the thing he's ever written that I understood.

chickenrotini said...

The ain'ts are:

Tom Welling
John Krasinski
David Archuleta

Unknown said...

I vote Zac

MontanaMarriott said...

The ain'ts are:

Tom Welling
John Krasinski
David Archuleta

They are all brunettes
One plays a super hero like Christian Bale
One is a singer like Zac Efron
How does JK fit into all this? Comedy?

Mother Campfire said...

Hmmm, see I am thinking more Chace Crawford. He screams gay face to me.

lyz said...

Shia was the first to come to my mind.

Zac Ephron isn't on huge-ass projects. Ent emphasizes HUGE. I'd say Raiders of the Lost Ark is pretty huge. High School Musical isn't huge-ass HUGE.

Mother Campfire said...

They're all on TV.

lyz said...

Think HUGE projects. Chase Crawford isn't in a huge project.

Lisa (not original) said...

JK was in Dreamgirls

Mother Campfire said...

Very good point. Is it weird that when I read HUGE project I immediately thought of David Beckham's...er...endowment?

meow.

Unknown said...

LOL Big Sur!

captivagrl said...

huge projects...Shia LeBeouf.

dreadpiratecuervo said...

Wasn't Zac Efron in Hairspray? Which is about a big girl? "Huge-ass" project, no? Plus, I just don't see Shia as playing for the other team, but Zac is a total twink.

Ms Cool said...

Justin Timberlake?

soz said...

Jamie Foxx.

He was in Dreamgirls and Blind Vice? He was in Miami Vice.

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

God, I loves me the Ted.

I'm getting a Shia vibe on this one. Zac Efron is just too... obvious.

fiveleavesleft said...

What about The Rock? Muscle Mary for days. "Beer and football type o'guys" makes me think of someone that might not be totally out of place with this crowd. And, he did play a gay character in a comedy film.

Ayesha said...

Didn't I read here that Ted C.'s nicknames have the same number of syllables and are accented the same way as the blind? So "Slurpa Popoff" = Paris Hilton?

So that would make Jamie Foxx and Christian Bale good guesses.

I'm just saying...

ms_wonderland said...

HSM x 3 are HUGE projects in terms of revenue, biggest Disney musicals of all time. Hairspray didn't do bad either. Sometimes, it is the obvious one.

stephani said...

That dude from Speed Racer.

"Steering Mr. Thrust away?"

Rumor had it he macked on another man openly at a party.

stephani said...

Speed Racer dude's name is Emile Hirsh.

He was also in "Into the Wild" and is in the upcoming "Milk" which has Oscar-bait written all over it.

However, since "Milk" is a bio-pic of Harvey Milk it is as Brokeback Mountain-esque as on can get, so perhaps his handlers haven't done a very good job keeping his gay-friendliness on the Q.T.

RagDoll said...

Emile Hirsch is a really good guess, too, Stephani. And that sort of makes me want to cry...

lutefisk said...

I've heard lots of rumors about Emile
Hirsch.
Xac Efron doesn't set off my Gaydar--I think he is prettied up to attract tween girls--David Cassiday was also pinned as gay, & he was bedding girls by the thousands. But, I could be wrong.
Does Ben have anything major coming up?

Unknown said...

If I find out John Krasinski is gay, I'm probably going to end my life.

Binky Melnik said...

Emile doesn't look queer as Ted's hair, though. (Neither does John Krasinski, who was ruled out by Ted, so you're cool, Marisa.) Likewise, Emile's only upcoming project is the "Milk" movie, and that ain't "steer[ing] Mr. Thrust away from any gay projects that come dancing his way." I'm thinking we oughtta be paying attention to the words "humming" and "dancing" (which would preclude the Rock, thank god).

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

@ayesha -- Not always. See, e.g., Toothy Tile.

lutefisk said...

Big Sur--
I don't think his endowment is all his:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1027646/Great-tackle-Becks-Armani-airbrushers-pumped-lunchbox.html

Unknown said...

Shia gets my vote

Unknown said...

I just read in one of the comments earlier here that Shia was seen in a gay bathhouse? Could this be our gay boy?? He is much more well known right now than Emile Hirsch.

Production Girl said...

Shia and James McAvoy are the 2 that pop in my head.

James McAvoy is currently in Wanted, was recently in Atonement and is rumored to play Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit.

Unknown said...

James McAvoy is married to Anne Marie Duff. Whilst I know that doesn't often mean much in Hollyweird, he apparently lives quite a quiet and down to earth life in London.

I'm going with Shia.

Jaiden_S said...

I'm thinking either Zefron or Chace C. Zefron because of the Archuletta/humming and singing thing. Chase because of the CW clue.

Anonymous said...

Emile Hirsh and Shia Lebuff were the 1st two thta came to mind as well good guesses.

selenakyle said...

Well, I didn't even know who the hell the three AIA's were let alone give a flying f*ck about who else is gay in Hollywood.

selenakyle said...

...AANNNDDD, I would literally f-off and die if James McAvoy was gay. Just sayin'.

Cannot WAIT to see Wanted. Got me some Fandango bucks just burning a hole in my wallet ready to see some hot, violent action on the big screen.

sillyme said...

Even though it's been suggested that Shia fell in love with another guy on the set of one of his movies, he does not look gayer than Ted C.'s hair. Zac Efron does!

JRD said...

All of the And it aint's are from hit network shows from CW, NBC, and Fox. Maybe it's someone on a hit CBS or ABC show?

Advertisements

Popular Posts from the last 30 days