Friday, October 26, 2007

Ted C Blind Item

‘Kay, we know last week everybody got so damn grossed out over Sha-Sha Shimmy’s accidental (due to too many laxatives) poop session at a Hell-Ay mall. Well, all we have to say is, after you read today’s latest Blind installment, you’ll be screaming to bring Shimmy and her brown-stained antics back, already!

But we’ll give ya one saving grace on this new one: It’ll be brief. It’s just too gross not to be, really.

Here goes: Now, we’re not prudes at Awful, not by any means. Can’t speak for Cristina, really, but certain elder members of the Truth team have pretty much done it all. Spanking, peeing, bondage, cellophane, groups, ho-hum, whatever. All kinda boring, in the end, as it were. Nothin’ like plain ol' nasty one-on-one, we (predictably, and romantically) say! But Super-Dooper Cooper hardly concurs, of that, we are sure.

See, not only does Super-Doop live to urinate on—and be peed on by—his sexual partners, always very pretty, not often terribly smart gals, but now, we’re hearing he likes it even dirtier than that. Yep, you guessed where we’re going here, surely.

Mr. C just thinks it’s so orgasmic-fantastic to get shat upon by whichever curvy pretty hon he’s seeing. So yuck-o! And when his sizable, legendary talent isn’t enough dangling bait to lure whatever wary baby he can find to his rank boudoir, SDC simply orders out. And hookers charge a lot for that kinda merde, trust.

This is just too sick even for us. So, we’re outta here! Good luck guessing! Remember to towel off afterward, please.

32 comments:

Jenny said...

I guess I'll be first. Gross.

Jack Nicholson

Rare Avis said...

Hehee I am guessing old school. Peter Fonda

Cali Girl said...

Isn't John Mayer rumored this way? And there was something about Jessica in an Italian hotel and they had to replace the bed, supposedly she was sick with food poisoning while there or something along those lines?

wood1107 said...

John Mayer John Mayer John Mayer. Who else?

Christine said...

John Mayer. I heard the same rumor about him and Jessica Simpson.

jax said...

John Mayer is hardly legendary.

I'd go with Nicholson too,he's just that gross. Plus 'sizable' made me think tubby and Jack's got that down too.

enchantress said...

Long time reader, never posted until now.

This has to be a Ted C giveaway BI!

John Mayer = Super-Dooper Cooper

jax said...

ps "sizable legendary talent" could also refer to the size of his c*ck. who's got a big wang in Hollywood??

Rare Avis said...

Peter Fonda, Liam Neeson are 2 legends..

jax said...

This BI just shows how weird Ted is with his lingo..the obvious name for me would have been Super Dooper Pooper..no? lol

Happy Friday !!!

kellysirkus said...

The first thing that pooped - oops - popped in my mind was John Mayer, but that just seems way too obvs.
I could see him being that skanky though.
I also thought the "legendary" referred to the size of his member

kellysirkus said...

oh, wait, maybe John LEGEND???????

who were the "and it's not" photos?

captivagrl said...

my first thought BRUCE WILLIS

Esther said...

Wait! When has all the talk about John Mayer and Jessica Simpson doing all those rowdy acts? I totally missed it! Yikes! He sounds dirty...

Cali Girl said...

Here's the Jessica/John hotel mattress story
http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/2007/04/jessica-simpson-thinks-beds-are-toilets.html

captivagrl said...

those well hung: ALEC BALDWIN, ANTONIO BANDERAS,LARRY BYRD,MATT DILLON,ARSENIO HALL, WOODY HARRELSON, DAVID HASSELHOFF,DENNIS RODMAN,QUENTIN TARANTINO, MARC WALBERG,**JAMES WOODS**,MATT LEBLANC,DAVID CASSIDY, WARREN BEATTY, SCOTT BAKULA,DON JOHNSON,TOMMY LEE JONES,MICHAEL JORDON,LARRY KING,EWAN MCGREGOR,EDDIE MURPHY,JASON PATRICK... i can't personally vouch for all......

DisorderlyMan69 said...

Tom Cruise eats shit

Rebecca said...

In Ted's website he says that the Pooper is famous and a heartthrob. The aint's Kiefer SUtherland, Chris Rock, and Nick Lachey.... actor, comedian, singer. Hmmmmm.

Trix said...

This has been a blind item on another column. The main guess has been Leonardo DiCaprio, and I cant remember if its been confirmed officially or not, but its accepted generally as the right answer.

Rebecca said...

And who's this Cristina? Aguilera?

Rebecca said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rebecca said...

I think it may be someone in a super hero movie. Super-dooper, orgasmic-fantastic, yuck-o. Sounds very super heroish to me.

skb said...

john mayer totally....have a friend in CT where he's from and apparently it's a known fact he loves to pee on girls

skb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jolara said...

"Cristina" is one of Ted's co-workers who frequently helps write his column.

ms_wonderland said...

Yes, the pee-er was John Mayer. Sounds like he's moved up a notch. 'always very pretty, not terribly smart girls' = Jessica Simpson. Didn't Jessica used to be married to Nick Lachey, one of the 'it ain'ts'?

ajurk said...

im going with marky mark. only because the cooper comment, he was in the itlian job which featured mini coopers. also, with the and it aints, mark was in music and now films. plus, legendary...boogie nights when he whips it out in the end, its not him, but still.

Twisted Sister said...

I thought the phrase 'sizable, legendary talent isn't enough dangling bait to lure....' referred to his dangling bait. You know...his thingie....his frank and beans...James and the giant peaches.....

The key is Ted's use of the words dangling bait.....

Megan said...

what about cisco adler? i will never get those pictures out of my head.

Stephanie said...

This has GOT to be RayJ. We already know about his "legendary talent" (yes, the twigs and berries) and about his encounter with the "curvy" Kim K. And wasn't there some pee involved with them, too?

arecibo said...

This, ladies and gentlemen, is Harvey Keitel.

Virgo74 said...

Arecibo, my grandfather is from there! Santiagos!!!! LOL

Anyhoo, this could be Mayer! I also hear that Jessica is really into anal play as well.