The World Of WD
Mooshki said...
WD, I'm afraid you'll never make it big in Hollywood because you aren't enough of a narcissist. Being interested in other people is definitely not the "in" thing. ;)
The reason this caught my attention was because you read my mind. I never told you guys my New Year’s resolution. “For the year of 2008, I hereby resolve to be dumber and more self involved.”
Let me explain.
Keep in mind it’s not DUMB it’s dumbER. It’s not SELF INVOLVED it’s MORE self involved.
DUMBER - Based on your comments, and your almost scary detective skills, I have a feeling that we all have this in common. When on a job, any job, there is always someone who doesn’t know how to do their job, while we on the other hand usually do. How often has this happened to you?
Moron “ Umm... How would I _____?”
You “Oh that’s easy. You just ________”
Moron “Gee. Thanks. I’m so glad you know, could you help me with that?”
You (grudgingly) “oh...yeah...sure...”
BLAH! No thank you. Don’t get me wrong, if it’s someone who’s helped you before then please, by all means help them back. If it is someone you like and respect, then you should also help them. But usually it’s neither of those situations. Usually it’s the same person over and over. If it were someone you like and respect, chances are they would have either A) Not taken a job without knowing what they were doing or B) Figured it out themselves.
So in the cases with the moron. This is how I have been living my life since January 1, and it works great.
Moron “ Umm... How would I _____?”
Girls: Open your eyes really wide. Pitch your voice up and twirl your hair around a finger.
Guys: Dull your eyes over, look real confused, like thinking makes your brain start to smoke.
and say:
You “ Gosh, that seems real hard. Lucky you’re so smart and can figure it out!”
It’s the most amazing thing! I’ve been doing it for a month.
“Hey do you know how to budget a film?”
“Hey do you know how to file SAG paperwork?”
“Hey do know how drive a box truck?”
Now some of those I know. Some I don’t know, but could figure out. But I’m not gonna! They say “the more you know, the more you know you don’t know.” So I figure, the less you know the more you think you know. Or if you already know a lot, the more you pretend not to know, the more time you know you have.
MORE SELF INVOLVED- This is where what Mooshki said comes in. I grew up in a household of caregivers. My mom’s a nurse my dad is a doctor. My great aunt lived with us until she died of cancer. I think nothing of asking people the color of the phlegm that they cough up. So yeah, I’m the extreme opposite of self-involved (I do have my moments though). I see actresses on set totally oblivious to the rest of the crew. They don’t even know the name of the guy bringing them water. I don’t want to be that. I also see these girls audition and they are so oblivious to the other girls in the room, so oblivious to the bad mood of the casting director, so oblivious to the fact that they have very little talent that they book the job. It is incredibly frustrating.
Where as, while waiting to audition, I see a girl come in who’s perfect for the part. I sense the casting directors bad mood and want to get out of there faster so their day isn’t as long. And while I know I’m a good actress, I also know that I can always be better. Once I get on set, I ROCK but auditioning. Blah. So if I were more self involved...that whole process would be better.
Here’s the thing where both of those things backfire. Because I know more than a typical actor (stunts, producing, directing) and because I am not self involved, once someone works with me, they always work with me again. And vice versa. If I meet someone who is cool, smart and hard working I always work with them again. When I am in a position to hire people, there are a number of people, women and men, who I will always use. When I coordinate I hire people to do stunts that I know I can count on. And when the tables are turned and they are hiring, I know I’ll get a call. It’s a family. We see each other at premiere after premiere and have lots of credits in common.
There is one particular woman I hire a lot. She is the complete physical opposite of me which makes us not competitive. And makes us great team stunt wise because between the two of us, we can double any girl. She’s smart. A writer. Amazing stunt girl. Great actress. I’d tell you who she is but we have so many credits in common you’d figure it all out right away.
But my point is, if I follow my New Years resolution, would I have these relationships?
Maybe the idea is to reflect the person you are dealing with. Dumb meet dumbER Smart meet smart.Thoughtful meet thoughtful. Self absorbed meet MORE self absorbed.
Do think it’s possible to have a happy medium?
19 comments:
Maybe it's a matter of gut feeling? By which I mean: if you're like me, you get gut feelings about people almost at the instant you meet them (or within 5 minutes of being around them). Maybe it's a true 'gut feeling'....maybe it's just subconsciously picking up on someone else's behavior and getting an idea of what they might be like based on your past experiences and other people/similar personality types you've known. But what it boils down to is this:
Those that feel 'right'--maybe take the time to invest in 'em a little more, and be the smarter/more willing to help person. Those that set off alarm bells, or the "Oh no, not THAT again" feeling, don't invest anything. Play dumb. Don't help. Life is too short to waste it!
Granted, it's not a fool-proof system more than any other; and mis-judgements of folks are always possible. But from the way you come across in your writing, you seem quite wise enough to be able to make such a distinction correctly, more often than not, and so maybe it will help.
I dunno....it's just what MY gut told ME :) Kinda the way I operate in life, and it's served me pretty well since I'm a drama-avoider to the extreme. So maybe it will work OK for you too.
You sound like such a moral person and moral people struggle with such things.
I think the happy medium is that when you're going for a job, you're in a competitive arena. Nobody in that situation would be expected to give away the store. Sometimes those asking for help aren't as dumb as they'd have you believe. Keeping that in mind, do you still feel the need to help them? Or do you feel like you no longer want to put yourself in a position where you may be duped?
There are cutthroat people who are unethical on the job so they have some type of advantage. This is wrong. Protecting yourself and your proprietary information is not wrong. You can protect yourself as a fierce competitor when it comes to jobs and still be a giving, caring, loving person in other arena's.
You're really a good person and it's not an 'either' 'or' proposition. You can put on your game face and never compromise who you are as a person with a good heart.
I'm with you wenx. I completely walk away from confrontation, drama and anything that could lead to a soap opera. I like my life simple and clean.
I love reading WD's posts. It's nice hearing the inside scoop written by someone in the middle of it and isn't all ugly. The way she writes is like receiving an email from a friend. :0)
"I think nothing of asking people the color of the phlegm that they cough up."
HA! I love it! I do the same thing as I've been sick so much in my life, I feel I could help somehow =).
In your line of business I'm not positive that it is actually possible to have a happy medium, as there are sooo many types of people you come into contact with and have to work closely with. BUT! I think your last paragraph might actually work. It may not actually get much done-if you're the 'dumbER' one, for example-, but you my not have to do other peoples' work as often! And it could totally pay off when the situation is smart and smart, thoughtful and thoughtful, etc etc.
Love your posts! You seem to be such a decent, well-rounded, fun person. Glad to 'know' you! =)
Wenx, I go by my gut too. Its been dead-on too many times for me to blow it off.
So on that note,WD, maybe mix intuition into your 'dumbER' idea to decide when to use it and when not to =)
As mush as I love the drama online and celeb gossip..i detest drama in my own life..and won't put up with it for long. if your boyfriend dumps you im your go to girl for sure and i'll even bring the ben n jerry's but if its the 3rd time this month you're on your own.
but i'm also 'Monica' to my friends..always the hostess,the person with a bandaid or advil, the person telling you to take more Viatmin D..so i guess on some fucked up level i like being needed for good but abhore the bad.
my NY resolution was simple:
Make more time for healthy and less time for unhealthy people in my life.
I think you are well on your way to developing a very self-aware personality.
My view is that in everything we do in life; every profession, every competition, every collaboration requires adaptation. What you have embarked upon is that very realization. There are times to exert your individuality (self absorption, intellect) and times to mold them with those of others(assisting, teaching)in order to get whatever you are trying to achieve to work.
The real secret is being able to recognize when, where and with whom one uses the varying shades of themselves to best effect without compromising your own principles and self satisfaction. Sometimes the best answer is to walk away.
By the way, I adore where your mind goes. Something tells me you would be an awesome person to kill a bottle of wine with.
Jax, I'm right there with ya on the Monica thing. Maybe it's a matter of 'it's good to be needed, but I'll be darned if I'm gonna be an enabler!'
WD, something else I've thought about when reading your awesome posts (and the current one brought it to mind again): with all the self-importance, pettiness, and other unpleasant, unfortunate human characteristics you must see in that business, I would imagine sometimes that it must be difficult to maintain a faith in humanity and remember that there are decent people too (all the more reason to keep the good ones closer and maintain that 'family' that ya'll build).
Then again, I work right outside DC, so the same can very well be said by me on this end.....
People are indescribably frustrating, on SO many levels! This is exactly why I stay away from the drama; because, as Jolara says, I like life clean and simple. No more taking on other people's stress when they don't want to help themselves--esp. if they want us to do it for them!!! But people are also incredibly good; I guess regardless of where you are & where you work, or what you do, it definitely comes down to holding on to those good ones and letting the rest take care of messing up themselves.
Man, I read what I say and feel like I sound terribly callous. But it took a long time and a lot of growing up to get here, and ya know what? I really, really like the view, so I plan on staying here as long as humanly possible :)
Hehe Jax, your "Monica" comment made me laugh. A friend of mine recently was going through a rough patch with her significant other and was bending my ear for what seemed to me like the fifteenth time.
Finally, having had enough of this nonsense I told her that I thought she adored the misery and that if she really felt that life wasn't going to get better that she should just dump his ass on the highway at high speeds.
She then angrily informed me that she was going to find another Monica. So yeah, you just made me snicker. Eesh, people watch too much tv.
It's funny that all women with a certain amount of integrity and intelligence struggle with these things, no matter what they do for a living. This was a good read, so thank you!
Oh and Jax - my resolution was similar: Focus more on myself instead of spending so much time letting other people annoy me.
"Now some of those I know. Some I don’t know, but could figure out. But I’m not gonna! They say “the more you know, the more you know you don’t know.” So I figure, the less you know the more you think you know. Or if you already know a lot, the more you pretend not to know, the more time you know you have."
I'm sorry honey, but you hurt my brain with that last one... I can't help it, the phlegm monster has taken over (it's a lovely light green, in case you're interested, :p ), and the fever has stalled any intelligent thought process...
I totally understand what you're saying about dumbing down tho. And you're right, the more you know, the more the dumb ones hang on, and hope you'll do all the work for them. (which sometimes leads one to wonder if Dumb is as dumb as they're letting on, eh?)
Harriet, I refer to that as "flushing the toilet". Some people just bring negative energy into my world, and when that happens, I have to flush.
WD, I love reading your posts.
But you got me thinking, why are so many actors and actresses such egotistical, self-centered, idiots? Does the industry draw those sort of people to it or do people become like that after achieving success. And if it os the fame and power that makes people so selfish and self-involved, did some of them start out as sweet and grounded as you? What's your take on it?
jax, same resolution here.
Do think it’s possible to have a happy medium?
No. You're way too normal. And here's why...
But my point is, if I follow my New Years resolution, would I have these relationships?
Why do you value these relationships? If it's because they make your work life easier than certainly you can act the fool and still get from them what you want. If it's because you like them as people and enjoy being around them then acting like a Duh will only mess with your own mind when you try and sort out who gets the real WD and who gets her troglogyte twin.
I'm betting on the second one.
WD, after reading this I think you are narcissistic enough to make it in Hollywood! Also, why would you change who you are in reaction to someone else? Be MORE self-absorbed than someone who is self-absorbed? That's ridiculous.
You should be the best person you can be. Don't put up with any bullshit, but be an intelligent, aware, helpful person, as long as it isn't to your detriment. You sound like you think highly of your intellect/abilities in relationship to other people and find others beneath you, which you might want to take a look at, rather than how you should treat people less "whatever" than you poorly in your own self-interest.
No one would ever argue that you should let users take advantage, so that's obvious. I believe in karma and that if you treat people poorly (even "dumb" ones, as you believe), than your life experience won't be as positive, versus being a positive, helpful, generous, compassionate (of others' lesser abilities), yet ASTUTE and confident person (who doesn't change personalities based on who she is with). If who you are doesn't mesh with the dog-eat-dog world of acting, you should reconsider being there. But if you can thrive in that environment,
by being smart and still being who you are, more power to you. Otherwise it seems to me you are just as narcissistic and shallow as the people you criticize, and you'll do fine.
Unfortunately, a big part of my job consists of helping dumb people. Whenever possible I try to get them to let me do the task rather than explain it to them - it cuts the time & effort drastically. Your solution seems like a good one. I am a big fan of "killing with kindness," and making a "no" sound like a "yes." I worked for 8 years in customer service, and that gave me great training for making people happy through insincerity.
I'm guessing you can figure people out pretty quickly, so adapting your attitude depending on who you're with should work pretty well.
Being more self-involved is a hard one. It's a fine line to walk. You have to sacrifice enough that you feel good about yourself at the end of the day, but not so much that your own needs get trampled. I know this is pretty hippy-dippy, but I believe in positive energy, so I try to balance things by thinking good thoughts. Like, in your examples, think to yourself that you wish the other girl luck, and hope she is as successful as she deserves, then go in and try to knock the audition out of the park. And with the casting director, send a silent wish his way that things will get better for him and he'll be really happy soon. As an actress, you know very well how much can be conveyed through body language, and I think we convey these kinds of thoughts to people whether they are spoken or not. And as a bonus, you'll get a warm glow inside yourself for having such happy thoughts in your head.
p.s. Diego, being self-aware and introspective is different from being narcissistic (or self-righteous).
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