Four For Friday

Seriously I wish people would either be gay or straight because even I am getting confused. I mean I want Portia de Rossi to be straight but she is not and I can live with that. It can be just hard sometimes to get the image of Ellen out of my mind, but with effort anything is possible.

Another singer. Not the one from yesterday is now switching between guys and girls. I guess the guys are even interested now that they have seen the photos and he is more than willing.

A marriage that everyone thought was headed to divorce years ago because of bad boy behavior is actually heading to divorce now because of drug use and violence. His wife has always denied it in the past and been a big supporter of this bad boy. BUT that is all about to change and will become public knowledge very soon.

This female A list celebrity and B list actress has always alternated between men and women. Now it seems as if she has gotten herself in the family way and is not quite sure who the father is and so for now is quietly asking all of her recent boyfriends what they would want to do about the situation if they were the father.

This aging C list actor cannot get a date, but he does have money and so he always pays a woman to be his date/relationship for the month prior to and immediately after any movie he is in.

I know the last one is practically impossible so here is a bonus.

This aging former cable star was heard lamenting the other night how her very rich husband has cheated on her from almost day one of their marriage. He married her when she was still something. Now she is a oh, yeah I remember her. She just accepts the cheating because they have an iron clad pre-nup and she has no job prospects and no money.

Was Lindsay Drunk Driving and Other News aka Links To Waste Away Your Day

A woman says Lindsay Lohan was drunk driving at 230am on February 18th. Lindsay's publicist says the woman should be more concerned about why her 13 year old daughter was hanging out at a nightclub at 230am.

Eva Mendes says she was just having dinner with Joaquin Phoenix and nothing else. I guess she doesn't like that scar either.

John Travolta doing some "dancing" on Ellen.

Salma Hayek wins the best breasts award. Jennifer Aniston wins an award for best PG-13 nudity. NSFW.

Peaches Geldof is nothing like her dad. Which is a good thing since he is pretty ugly. She is involved in some love triangle with two UK musicians, she is 17, and does not subscribe to the Jessica Simpson holding a hand in between the legs when getting out of the car school. Luckily though, nothing exposed.

Pictures of Beyonce Actually Looking Pretty--Aah, The Magic Of Photoshop

The only comment I would make is that the flamenco number has to go and could you put your arms down. Pleeeeeeeese. I know you shave there or wax there. The whole world knows it by now. Honestly, we will remember. You do not need to show us every five minutes. I don't know who told you that was the way you should pose, but it is really starting to annoy me. Not annoying like Joaquin Phoenix's scar in Walk The Line, or Hugh Grant's teeth in Notting Hill, but still annoying.

Diddy Is Bare Everywhere Down There--Just Thought You Should Know

Well of course there is trimming and perhaps shaving the beans. BUT, I do not know too many men who shave it all off. Diddy says it makes him look larger. Well that would explain some things wouldn't it. He also admits to wild orgies and dangerous sex in the past. Of course now he just stays home with his baby's mama and is a good boy.

Jessica Simpson Proud Of Learning Lines, Making Faces For 'Blonde Ambition'

I know I am supposed to lay off Jessica Simpson for awhile, but she sounds like a 5th grader. Look Daddy, I learned my lines and learned how to spell ambition and the director gave me a gold star to take home and put on my door. He said I was the best at making faces in the whole world. I think he is a little naughty, but I like that. She also told MTV that the weight of her new movies was on her shoulders. I know Luke Wilson is happy to hear that. When the movie bombs he can say, she was the one who was responsible. The only thing positive I can find to say is that I may have to see the movie because I think Andy Dick is so funny. Of course I thought I could watch Dukes of Hazzard because I thought Seann William Scott and Johnny Knoxville were funny. I still get the shakes thinking of that movie. Not Lindsay Lohan going to nightclubs on Oscar night shakes, but still the shakes.

Obviously Living Together Is The Thing To Do

I know you have read about them and their adventure from last night, but did you really read what happened? In a movie, people would never believe it could happen.

Pete and Kate were at the NME Awards last night in London. They were there so Kate could present an award. Sounds innocent enough.

1. Kate got drunk.

2. Kate got in a fight with Pete.

3. Kate left the show early.

4. Pete licked Kate's face and she grimaced in disgust. (Probably not drunk enough yet)

5. Pete grabbed a table spoon.

6. Pete tried to take said table spoon into the bathroom.

7. Pete did not make it and was thrown out.

8. Pete and Kate ended up outside together and argued some more.

9. Pete and Kate went home to spend time with Kate's daughter.

10. Pete and Kate decided to get married because they love each other.

11. Pete and Kate have more children.

Pigs Attack Posh - Realize She Is An Alien

While visiting schools in LA for her photo-op children, she encountered two pot belly pigs who roam free in the science section of the school. Sensing danger from a life form not of this earth, they swarmed the high heeled wearing, almost entirely artificial Posh. She screamed and cried and begged not to have to do a Spice Girls reunion while trying to run in a pair of high heels. As she tried to run in her 8 inch heels, everyone who was with her started laughing and laughing and laughing. After the incident, Posh was so shaken she did not eat for a week and dropped in weight to the size of a 7 year old girl.

Today's Blind Items

This lead singer of a popular group which has a Gilligan's Island connection has never set very high standards when it comes to the women he dates. The easier the better. This has given him the protection he needs as he totally gives up the ladies and concentrates on men. In the past several weeks he has been spotted in several nightclubs in LA picking up guys for the night. He has to take them to hotels or back to their place, because his current boyfriend would be none to happy to know he has been getting a little something on the side.

This comedian who has been in the news lately has taken out his anger on the staff and crew of his television show. Producers have been ordered to fire anyone who is not working every second of the day. There is no standing around or you are out the door. Of course this rule does not apply to the comedian himself who takes long naps to make it through the 16 hour workdays. The producers understand that resentment is building. With no crew or staff, there would be no show and so only take action when the comedian is around. They also realize that the comedian only notices himself and so the producers yell at the offending party and then shuffle them off where they will not be seen the rest of the day.

Want To Be On A Reality Show?

MSNBC has compiled a list of all the reality shows currently in production and a link to their respective casting and application pages. Personally I am going to audition for Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader because I really want to humiliate myself as much as possible. A show designed to make people look like idiots on immediately after American Idol will surely allow as many people as possible to see what a complete moron I am. I was in the 5th grade for three years and I know how tough it can be. None of these kids have ADD or television in their house or video games. They probably all eat three meals a day and have parents that care. I obviously need more therapy. If any reader of this blog makes it onto one of these shows, let me know.

Diva Picture Of The Year

Call me when you are singing on a Carnival Cruise to the Caribbean. Hopefully you will not have to share a cabin with the magician's assistant. Those cabins can be a little small.

I Give This Engagement Another Week

Benji looks like a guy who had his heartbroken. Also, I know the angle is bad, but where is the engagement ring?

Comments Of The Day

I just think it is time that some of you be recognized on the main page because of what you said in the comments section. On Friday there was a comment that made me laugh really hard and I thought I would start a comment of the day feature. I have been thinking of comments lately because reading buzzcock's latest four or five comments I realized I wanted to run a Best of Buzzcock when there are enough of them. Anyway, I digress.

Last Friday was the Mischa Barton post about her smoking pot while her sister is in rehab.
This comment cracked me up!

Anonymous said...
That's not a joint...it's SUNBLOCK!!
Denise R.
5:35 PM

On Tuesday was the Jennifer Love Hewitt photo caption post.
In the comments section someone posted a 10,000 word rant on God and how he was going to bring destruction to the world. I deleted it because there were some racist overtones. Before I deleted it, this comment was posted. Simple, but yet so funny.

Anonymous said...
I think the last guy wins ;)
2:48 PM

And finally yesterday's Paris Hilton going to jail story brought forth this comment.

Anonymous said...
Nicole and Paris can bunk together for the new season of The Simple Life - They go to County Jail.
GGA
1:39 PM

It was refined by this comment

Pinky said...
GGA - BRILLIANT! Simple Life: The Slammer!
2:31 PM

Thanks for all the Great Comments!!

Being A Party Girl And Not Drinking On Your Birthday REALLY Does Mean You Are Pregnant

WOW!! The UK tabloids finally got one right. Charlotte Church is pregnant. Unlike her UK counterpart Kerry Katona who was drinking at 8 months, Charlotte managed to actually go without. Now, lets look at the facts about Charlotte. Child prodigy who has been spoiled her whole life. Turns into big drinker and partier and lets her rugby playing boyfriend move in to her house and knock her up all before the age of 21. Well it can't be any worse than Pete and Kate. Anyway, here is a link to Charlotte's website with the news. Also, you may want to spend a few minutes on her site because she ACTUALLY updates it and some of the videos are actually funny. Not little kid kicking dad in the balls funny, but still funny. The video below is when Charlotte Church met Britney Spears and was snubbed.

John and Jessica and Alicia??

Alicia and John look really happy here and you can see the affection they have for one another. This photo is completely natural and un-posed. If you showed me this photo and said they were a couple I would believe you.

The picture above is the most couple friendly photo I could find of John and Jessica from last night. John just looks uncomfortable. Remember, this is the BEST one I could find. Now, he could just look uncomfortable because Pimpa Joe was at this party and maybe was hitting on the ladies in front of John. Maybe he did something else. I will say that Jessica does look interested in John because I just do not think she is that good of an actress.

Djimon Hounsou Has A Lot Of Sex

Last week Djimon enjoyed the attentions of Ms. Cameron Diaz and her pale white skin. This week. Djimon went with someone a little darker and about 8 feet taller when he hooked up with Kimora Simmons. Yes, THAT Kimora Simmons the woman who is "married" and who has been known to mainly swing from a different side of the plate. Guess Djimon must have something she was really craving. The lovebirds were groping and making out right in front of Oprah. Do you think Oprah ignored them or watched? Djimon must have done something right or got Kimora really drunk because this is one of the only photos I have seen of her where she actually looks happy.

Britney Goes To AA Meeting

I know she is smiling and everything in this photo, but I do think that much of it is an act. If you read the article it talks about how she is scribbling in ink all over her hands. I am not a doctor but I am not sure if that is 100% normal and so I hope she stays in rehab and gets better. At this point it does not really matter if she ever has a career or not, it is simply about getting better.

If The House Is Rockin', It Is Just Pete and Kate Doing Drugs

In what is sure to make their drug use easier and less public, Pete Doherty moved into Kate Moss's house. The singer owns enough personal stuff to almost fill the back of a Range Rover. The rest of his stuff he sold for drugs, got stolen while he was doing drugs, left behind somewhere after he did drugs, not returned when he got out of jail after being arrested for drugs, or smoked because he thought they were drugs. Now that Kate has let Pete move in, it should not be long before her home also has nothing left as Pete loots it for money to buy drugs. Did I mention that Pete loves his drugs? It really is nice that Kate lets the druggie move the baby seat into the house. When she is away from home maybe Pete can watch her daughter while he is doing drugs. Maybe the daughter will learn a thing or two about doing drugs and then mom, Pete and the daughter can all be one big drug family.

I Just Cannot Stop Smiling

I know that every other site in the free world has talked about Paris Hilton being arrested last night, but I think we should all just pray that she does not have Pete Doherty channeling through her somewhere and that she ends up doing some jail time. The odds are long but we can always hope. I am not asking for the entire 90 days. I think a week would be plenty to make her realize that (1) the prison population may not have enjoyed her Paris Exposed comments and (2) that making out with a hot female fashion model is not the same thing as making out with your cellmate. Think positive people.

P.S. How come Paris gets to make a cell phone call during the arrest and the rest of us would be thrown into the back of a car still rubbing the marks left from the Taser?

Today's Blind Items

This A-List actor notorious for not having a full head of hair was recently sweating heavily. He thought he was hidden from anyone approaching and removed his headgear to wipe away the sweat. When he did, he revealed the most hideous comb-over in the history of comb-overs. What was even more shocking was the total lack of hair to comb over. Our spy indicated there were about ten hairs in total trying to cover up the massive bald area right down the middle of his head.

What husband cannot stand to see his wife have all the spotlight? The wife is scheduled to make a big television appearance alone, and the husband has told her she cannot do it unless he is right next to her. If he can't, then he won't let her.

More Proof That Hollywood Has Gone Nuts

People keep sending Kristin Cavallari scripts to read. Her current project is Spring Breakdown which is so good that filming was completed in October 2006, but the film is not due out until sometime in 2008. Must be brilliant.

There Is Something Seriously Wrong With Ryan Seacrest

Yes, we all know Ryan is an arrogant, self absorbed ass, but there is something else that is really wrong with him. Last week the producer of American Idol said he had not seen the photos of Antonella Barba. His story was sketchy, but maybe 5% believable. LAST night at a Playboy party celebrating the 3rd season of Girls Next Door Ryan Seacrest said he had not seen any of the racy photos. It has been a week since most of them came out. Randy and Simon were at the party and like every other guy in the world but Ryan, they had seen them. How can Ryan Seacrest work at E! and at American Idol and not have seen the photos? It would seem to me that simply out of curiosity or just being a guy would make you want to take a look. Nope, not Ryan. He probably did not enjoy the Playboy party either, and did not see any women while he was there. He was probably more interested in the zoo animals and seeing who could preen better.

John Travolta Says Lots Of Running, Vitamins, And Sauna Sessions Would Have Saved ANS

I try and stay away from the Scientologists. They scare me. They really, really do. So it is with great hesitation that I make fun of anything they say. However, I think John Travolta has a screw loose if he thinks that the Scientologist program Narconon would have saved ANS. It involves running people. Lots and lots of running. Imagine if you will ANS running mile after mile. After the running you head for the sauna. After five minutes ANS would have complained how hot it was and how her dog's hair was all frizzy. Now of course it may be moot because ANS allegedly died of pneumonia. Of course if she had tried lots and lots of running and taken a steam or two, that probably would have made that all better also.

Is Posh Going Bald?

Her hair keeps getting shorter and her breasts keep getting larger. I think she is trying to distract us as her hair slowly falls out. Extensions, coloring, bleaches, botox, and of course being an alien are direct causes of baldness. Everyone knows that. With that being said, I actually kind of like this new haircut. Of course it could be the glasses that make it work. Since they hide most of her face, maybe that is why I am responding positively. She was in the news a bunch yesterday with that reality show stuff so you would think that she would give herself a day or two off from publicity and wait to do the new hair reveal.

Next Thing You Know Matt Damon Will Be Doing Priceline Commericals and Starring In A Remake Of TJ Hooker

It looks like Matt Damon is this much closer to portraying Captain James T. Kirk as the Star Trek franchise gets a makeover. Joining Matt would be fellow Oscar winner Adrien Brody as Spock. I actually think that if a cast of this caliber can be assembled that the movie would be very good. Not, like I am going to be first in line good, but also not waiting to watch it on the airplane bad either. There are some other great names mentioned to join the Star Trek cast, but I really just wanted to mention Adrien Brody so I could post a photo of his girlfriend.

Heidi Klum Is Going To Have To Pull A Whitney

Heidi Klum's husband Seal who has not had a hit in what seems forever has lost a recent court appeal. He will have to pay his former manager almost $2M. Now, I love Seal, but I think maybe he does not have that kind of money just sitting around anymore. He may have to pull a Bobby and have to ask his baby's mama for some money to help pay off the amount due. It has been a long time since more than royalty checks were coming in and Heidi is probably already pregnant again. Seal should probably give her a kiss and a rose and say pretty please can I borrow $2M? If she says no, look for him on The Surreal Life.

How Many Blind Items Will Be Revealed In This Book? aka Bruce Willis Paid $15,000 for Two Hours Of Sex

Between myself and every other gossip blogger there are probably several that will be able to be revealed when this book is actually published. Jody Gibson was not as well known as Heidi Fleiss, but had just as big of a clientele. Her new tell-all book would have done really well 7 years ago. Now, many of the clients are not really so relevant or are dead. HOWEVER, Bruce Willis is trying to do some splainin' and so are a few politicians. To read all about Bruce's orgy you can click here. The only one who is not running is Steve Jones who is a DJ here in LA and used to be in the Sex Pistols. He seems to be proud that he was with some of Ms. Gibson's girls.

Today's Blind Items

This actor who is in a very serious relationship is on one of those television shows on every night of the week. This actor has been seen out and about with a lovely lady not his girlfriend. There have been no hints there is anything wrong with his relationship, but how else to explain his repeated sightings with this former 80's star. At restaurants and parties they just happen to always be there at the same time and always leave within five minutes of each other.

This steadily working, busty actress has done television and movies. She has been the star in small films and is fairly highly billed in the big productions. She has worked with a particular actor in several projects. When they first got together they had a brief romantic relationship and he introduced her to that lovely white powder. She stopped, and he kept using. Recently they got back together and she was reintroduced to drugs. This time though a pipe was involved, the drugs got a little stronger and she just can't stop. Up for a VERY big role in a very big film, but producers are hesitating because her problem is spiraling out of control.

Jennifer Love Hewitt's Date Caption Contest

"Yes, I may have a wonky eye like Paris Hilton, look like an ass and be an ass, but I am sleeping with her pal and not you."

"I make Carson Daly cry and I have never met him."

"They are real and they are spectacular."

"What makes you think I have money?"

Justin Timberlake Naked

OK, well not naked. Lots of him is naked though and lots of Christina Ricci also. This is a scene from Black Snake Moan. To me that title does not conjure up images of Justin and Christina, but whatever. This scene is NSFW in the sense that it is two people doing it. You have to really look to see any nudity. But, if your office frowns on you looking at sweaty sex then perhaps you should wait until you get home. If your office encourages you watching sweaty sex then please pass along how we can all get a job there.

Hi, I'm Sharon Stone

"I got absolutely hammered at Elton John's Oscar viewing party on Sunday night. Elton was having an auction and offered two tickets for his 60th birthday party. I had been sitting with Jon Bon Jovi and Diddy all night and I wanted them to want me for more than just my body. So, I bid $250,000 for the two tickets. Of course, the next highest bid was $500 because you can get them on E-Bay for $50. Oh well, at least I made sure I was next in line to give Diddy's kid a lap dance."

Jessica Simpson Always Wears Panties

This article is so funny, I don't care if Jessica Simpson was accurately quoted or not. I am linking to the article, but also because of its length just reprinting it here as well.

JESSICA SIMPSON will never get caught without underwear like BRITNEY SPEARS and LINDSAY LOHAN, because she always covers up her private parts. The actress/singer is astonished so many young celebrities have been snapped panty-less, and would be horrified to find pictures of her genitals splashed across magazines and the internet. Simpson says, "I don't understand what's going on with that. I'm the kind of girl who always puts my hand between my legs when I'm getting out of a car if I'm wearing a short skirt. I always wear underwear. It's a personal rule."

SATIRICAL continuation of above quote.

Option #1 -

Daddy always checks to see if he can see my panties when I get out of the car and also checks to make sure I am always wearing them.

Option #2 -

Of course my personal rule could change if my next album bombs as bad as this latest one.

Option #3 -

I have lots of personal rules. You know that personal rules are different than public rules. I don't think there are public rules that talk about wearing underwear so I had to make a personal rule even though we are talking about going out in public. You understand?

Ralph Fiennes Mile High Club Story Just Keeps Squeaking Along

I skipped the Ralph Fiennes and his mile high club adventures the first time through. This time however, they got me to write. Seems the flight attendant who had sex with Ralph in the lav of the plane and lost her job may be pregnant. In quite possibly the most ridiculous Q&A ever, flight attendant Lisa Robertson was asked if she could be pregnant since no protection was used. Her answer, "Perhaps, yeah." Way to get people to pay just a little bit more attention to the story. Next week they will ask her if she was pregnant, do you think it could be twins? "Perhaps, yeah." The next week they will ask do you think Ralph will marry you? "Perhaps, yeah." The next week they will ask if Victoria Beckham is an alien. "Definitely. No question about it."

Be Nice To The Olsen Twins--They Can Buy and Sell You

Forbes Magazine has a richest list for almost every category of person, company, profession, or group. In their latest richest list, they decided to conquer the Hollywood Earners Under 21 List. Even though Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen did not have any movies come out and rarely do anything except walk the streets of various cities drinking coffee, they managed to earn $40 million last year. Now, that is not their worth, and does not include interest on their fortune. The $40M represents only what they earned last year. In one of my very earliest posts I told you about some of my experiences doing business with them and how they are incredibly savvy about marketplaces, fashion (on others) and know how to exploit niches when they become available. Daniel Radcliffe was number 2. I do not know if he gets paid the most on the Harry Potter films or if he got a big salary for stripping down and showing everyone his frank and beans. Lindsay Lohan is number three on the list and Amanda Bynes was number 5. I am surprised that Hilary Duff is not on the list as well as some other singers under 21. When I saw that Lindsay Lohan was on the list, my next suggestion was a list to determine who retained the most money that was earned.

Posh and Becks--Reality TV on NBC

The network that brings you The Office, My Name is Earl, and Heroes, is bringing the world a reality show highlighting the move to LA of David and Victoria Beckham. When NBC talks about supersize episodes now, we will all wonder if it is referring to the breasts of Posh or the length of the shows. Part of me is desperate to watch this show and thinks it will be great. The saner part of me realizes the Beckhams probably have a great deal of control over what we will see and probably have no sense of humor about themselves at all. Therefore, each week we will be treated to Posh shopping with 20 bodyguards and Becks at practice. We will see cartoon drawings to represent the children and possibly enough humanity out of Posh to determine that she is in fact at least half human and not 100% robot or 100% artificial. Of course I will watch once, but will it be must see tv every week? The last photo is to offset all the Antonella Barba photos of the past few days.

Kindness Plug

As always it is in the writer's own words.

I was wondering if you could put up some information for me about a charity event/fundraiser in Plano, Texas. I know this is a long shot, but I am desperately trying to help this family get the word out. Their 4 month old daughter, Sadie, was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma stage IV cancer. Their family has put together a fundraiser in Plano, Texas on March 2.
It is at Jump Town, 3045 W 15th Street from 5-7pm $10 per child.
Their church has also opened a fund for donations to help with the cost of her care.
You can read her story at http://www.carepages.com/ "SadiesStory"
All the info for donations is on there also.

Jennifer Aniston Copies Julia Roberts

When it is time to settle down, there is nothing quite like the loving of a good cameraman. Seems as if Jennifer Aniston may have found a new love. Turns out the show Dirt was actually good for something since Jen met him on the set there. It also looks like Jen had to make the first move. Wonder if he has looked at the topless pics of her yet?

I See Playboy In Antonella Barba's Future

This is the last photo of this girl I am posting. I was not that interested at the outset and even less so now. She obviously loves posing for the camera and is not shy, hence the Playboy spread in her immediate future. If you want lots of new photos of her including NSFW pics and full frontal topless, than click here and IDLYITW will be happy to help you. They seem to get new photos of her every fifteen minutes, so check back often if she is your thing.