Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Song Titles From Jessica Simpson's New Album

As you all know, Jessica Simpson is going country. "I am a country girl. I grew up in Texas, and country music was what I listened to. I always wanted to wait until the time was right." Well the time is right when you have no career in pop music anymore and your movie career is dependent on who owes your dad a favor or three. There is no way she would be making a country album if her last pop album would have been number one or her movie career was skyrocketing.

1. NASCAR fans make me hot
2. My dawg don't come when I holler
3. Daddy watches through the window
4. My man done gone and left me again
5. Jesus was a race car driver (apologies to Primus)
6. Don't let your babies grow up to be Cowboys unless I can date one
7. Papa don't pimp (apologies to Madonna)
8. Living In A Double Wide (duet with Britney Spears)
9. I ran out of peroxide
10.Marrying your cousin is cool
11. Whose boots are in my bed?


Jolara said...


Merlin D. Bear said...

It is indeed a pleasure to see that you've recovered enough from the holidays to deliver a delicious serving of snark.
Way to go, Ent!

Merlin D. Bear said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jen Ryan's Brain said...


Though #9 should be ...
"I Ran Out of Peroxide (And My Plastic Surgeon's Low On Lip Plumper)"

also lets not forget those bonus cuts....

"Headin' Straight to DVD"
"Yep, I'm Famous (For What?)"

Anonymous said...

Love #6, ent.

YahMoBThere said...

LOLOL! Can we join in the fun, EL?

~My man took my heart and the trailer (and all I have left is Daddy and the tin foil from my tv antenna)

~Grits and all my lovin' served up just for you (and you and you)

~Daddy's my very own Colonel, just like Elvis and those chicken people have

~Boot scootin' sister Ashley rides agin

~Romo Song (how can I learn Eyetalian when I ain't got English down)

~Bible School and shooting practice made me a good girl

~If lovin' me is wrong, Daddy don't wanna be right

Did I forget any? Come on people, you know there are more here!

jax said...

I left my heart in SPAM Francisco.

Jolara said...

I had a few rude ones referring to Mayer and the lesbian shutdown, but I will restrain myself.

Kristen S. said...

"1. NASCAR fans make me hot"

Hey! I resemble that remark!

Carte Blanche said...

You're too much Ent. I love it!

ggg said...

The Chikin or Fish Blues

Please knock up my Little Sister (So I don't look so wierd)

Pretty & Dumb pt. 1

Pretty & Dumb pt. 2 (I'll be dumb forever)

Is it Summer Time Yet? (My Watch Stopped...)

RandomRamblings said...


I personally would title her album Mama Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Managed by Papa Simpson.

I just don't know if his image on the CD cover would require a parental advisory warning.

kellygirl said...

Oh, Enty, you're on a roll - keep it coming!

I think you left out an homage to the chicken and tuna which she owes so much of her fame to
how about

"If they're called breasts why do they smell like tuna?"

Unknown said...

"He dumped on me and then dumped me" (the John Mayer remix)

Catherine said...

And now her newest release...

My Dad Is Made for Stalkin'

You keep sayin' you've got lots of work for me
Fame and money, but it's always so bad
You been pervin' where you shouldn't have been pervin'
And the sick thing is that you're my very own dad!

My Dad is made for stalkin'
That's what he likes to do
He lusts for me and stalks my little sister Ashley, too!

Are you ready Dad? Start stalkin'!

Unknown said...

Okay - I was just about to post "Daddies, don't let your girls grow up to be pissed on" and I read Catherine's and almost pissed myself!

YahMoBThere said...

You guys are GOOD!


~Locked inside my car with no way to get out

~I can't say goodbye to the man who bought me my boobs (Daddy's song)

~When will a man look at me the way Daddy does?

Anonymous said...

I picture a little ballad simply called, "Daddy's little girl"

Carte Blanche said...

"Chicken fried diet pills are a Texas thang"

Video to include licking grease from around her lips... said...

"Bam Margera is not a jackass! Bam Margera jacked my ass!"
- a capella version

Anonymous said...


jax said...

"My husband dumped my slut ass for a MTV reject and now they bone in public."

too long?

"Chicken of the Sea is cool like me"

"My sisters other nose upstaged me too"

im tired these suck.

Unknown said...

Robert said...
"He dumped on me and then dumped me" (the John Mayer remix)
1:09 PM


takeme2espana said...

~"If we all used A/C would global warmin' stop?"

~"Lost my remote, can't watch a thang" (blues)

~"What's with punctuation anyway?"

Stephanie said...

Her roots are in Gospel, not country. Probably not as much money or fame to be had there, she reckons.

YahMoBThere said...

Her roots are also a lot darker than the rest of her hair.

jannie said...

Jessica going Country is really scary. I really wish she would not go there.

Merlin D. Bear said...

Okay, someone owes me a new keyboard.
I just sprayed coffee all over this one reading these.

bionic bunny! said...

"daddy set me up, now the cowboys hate my guts"

hmm. maybe i over-thought that one a bit.
she looks good in that pic though, i guess.

Bxrlvr said...

You guys are too funny! LOL

Anonymous said...

Heh that list is pretty damn good.

MnGddess said...

I love that we're all adding tracks...

To that end, in the manner that I think her brain functions, there will a bonus track entitled:

12. "Um,...huh?"


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