Fifty Shades Of Grey To Be Ruined For All Time
If you are one of the millions of fans of Fifty Shades Of Grey and don't want your series to be ruined by some crass movie adaptation that ruins all your built in fantasies, then you might want to look away. Seriously. You won't get the names I am about to say out of your head and then everytime you read the books and see these people pop in your head you will blame me. I don't want that misery on my shoulders. It is bad enough you see Michael Lohan in mesh and Verne Troyer's tongue in your mind while you are trying to fall asleep or have sex with your partner. I can't put this burden on your shoulders too. Have you looked away?
Kristen Stewart thinks she and Robert Pattinson would be perfect to star in the movie version of the books. I know, I know. You are crying now. You didn't look away and read it and the only thing you could imagine that was worse is the casting of Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott. Well, let me tell you about the stage version.
74 comments:
I vote Matt bomer. Alex skarsgard. ANYONE but them.
I don't know about the chick yet. Anna Kendrick maybe.
Of course Kristen thinks she and Rob are perfect for this... Fifty Shades started out as Twilight fanfic. The writer had Bella and Edward in mind the entire time she wrote it.
Now I'm off to hang my head in shame for knowing that. :(
Michael Fassbender or Alexander Skarsgard!!!
I'm curious - Am I the only person who has not read the book and has no desire to? I feel like I should read it but it feels too much like homework.
Not Skarsgard... I really don't get his appeal.
The books are crap anyway! This is some serious bad writing. There is actual good S&M erotica out there.
This whole 50 pieces of crap business makes me hang my head in shame as a writer, and someone who teaches writing. Is seriously makes the Twilight crap look like Hemingway.
I just hope they don't cast Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood again.
Yep it was written with Edward and Bella in mind.
I read that crap, its like a train wreck, you cant look away!
This very innocent girl at my work is obsessed with these books. My new hobby is asking her questions about it and seeing how red her face turns.
It's books like this that make me really glad to own an iPad. They're so terrible that I wouldn't be caught dead carrying them around or even going into a store to buy them, but with my iPad I can read them and no one is the wiser. They're literary crack - terribly written, but they suck you in and keep bringing you back for more.
From this headline, I thought that this would be about Gilbert Gottfried reading selected passages of this book. I saw the headline on some website yesterday, but I couldn't subject my ears to that.
I have no interest in reading this since I heard it's like Twilight, as far as good reading goes. But most importantly, since Michael K referred to it as "Fifty Shades of Mom Cream". Gross.
Snooze
Haven't read this, but is this like Secretary except really dumb?
I know there's a lot of hate for Maggie G. but I loved her and James Spader in that movie.
Alex Skarsgard can spank me any time. :)
@rejected - that's evil, and I LOVE it!! I know many a soccer mom who's obsessed with those books - barf!
The books are so terribly written but easy reads.
@EleanorRigby - OMG, that would be AMAZING!!! We need to start a petition to make that happen *L*.
I read some excerpts of the book online, and there was nothing sexy or erotic about it. My inner goddess agreed.
"Haven't read this, but is this like Secretary except really dumb?"
*snort*
That's what I figured, too, NaNa LaLa. I have no desire, pun intended, to read these books.
Finally, some other people who agree with me that the book was horrid - I couldn't even get through the first one, it was so bad. And I'm no prude by any stretch of the imagination. If anything, it inspires me to go throw up some fanfic garbage in hopes maybe I'll make some cash too. Ugh.
@Maja, be careful what you wish for. It already exists.
http://www.jest.com/video/174214/gilbert-gottfried-reads-fifty-shades-of-grey
I absolutely think it should star those two. It's exactly what the people who like the book deserve.
Take that any way you like.
But I did read that Skaarsgard said in an interview that he was 'born to play the role'...which might make the movie version worth a peek.
Oh it was terribly written, it's awful! But like some of you ^^ I could not NOT finish the series, it is train wreck like!
Like someone said, it was written with Kristen and Robert in mind, so why the shock Enty? They won't do it though.
I like Ian Somerholder for it personally. No on Skarsgard.
the books are awful badly-written:it's Twilight for adults
The story romanticizes abuse in a pornographic way.
What's wrong with this picture and why is America eating it up.
Kristen's interest speaks for itself.
Mary Stewart-McGovern, I feel your shame! I'll go one better and admit that I read the first few chapters of this when it was on the fanfic site. It was called Master of the Universe. I love me some good smutty stories but even I couldn't get through this crap. It was VERY popular with the Twilight Fanfic readers.
@rejected and @Frufra I know some super-uptight, hardcore conservatives who claim to be uber-Christian who love these damn books! I haven't read them, nor do I care to as I have heard they are very poorly written. I like erotic novels and stories, but they have to be well written!! As to Kristen and Rob playing the parts, isn't the guy in the book supposed to be quite a bit older than the woman in the book, or do I have that wrong?
Well said Angel! I couldn't even finish the second book. I felt like the relationship was emotionally abusive the entire time.
"Of course Kristen thinks she and Rob are perfect for this... Fifty Shades started out as Twilight fanfic."
The author is probably orgasmic at the thought. (I knew this too. And am equally ashamed.)
This was one of the worst books I have ever read. I couldn't even finish it, it was so bad. The writing is atrocious, the storyline is ridiculous, the characters have zero depth, and the sex scenes are lame. If you enjoy reading constant references to the main character biting her lip, saying "holy crap", and referring to her ladybits as "down there", then this book is for you.
I do think Kristen would be perfect as Anastasia. She has zero personality, is plain-Jane and skinny. But Robert as Christian? No. Robert is ugly. He looks like he's gotten punched in the nose one too many times. And Christian is supposed to be clean & smell good. That sure ain't Robert Pattinson.
I have already decided that I won't have expectations for the casting, since I know I will ultimately be disappointed....now, if Nicolette Sheridan could be cast as Elena, THAT would be a perfect casting.
Rob and Kristen won't do this film, because there are so many people already obsessed with that *they* do behind closed doors- it would only add fuel to the fire that every pap and interviewer wants to get dibs on...too personal- so won't happen...
but, seriously, some of the names out there begging to be cast- I would not want to see...Skarsgard for starters-he needs to stick to TB......I pity the person who makes the final decision....but, in the end- it will either make people happy or pissed....nothing new there!
Let's go with the current Hollywood it castings:
Jeremy Renner and ScarJo
Those Twilight people would never do this....talk about career suicide for them both.
My daughter always calls Robert Pattinson a "boxhead"...it is kind of boxy.
I've read enough really GOOD BDSM erotica, I don't need to read crap stuff.
Haven't read them, no intention of doing so.
I don't care who's in it, either, although I could stand either Kristen or Rob half naked on screen, so why not?
There isn't even a script yet. I read the books they were fun reads. Though looking back, it really just seems as long as you are rich and goodlooking you can pretty much treat women as chattel.
Enty, I love your blog and I'm a longtime reader, so I know that your disdain for K-Stew is up there. However.... had you taken the time to source the interview where she claims her and SparklyFangs should star, you'd know that she stated HAVING NEVER READ THE BOOK...only that she would love to work with Pattinson and if that provided the opportunity, then so be it.
Haven't read it, and I sincerely doubt I will. Came across a funny Tumblr that dissected the awful writing, now I can't find it or I'd post it here! Argh.
FRAN DRESCHER AND GILBERT GODFRIED!
You're welcome, America;)
@mikey - No you are not the only one. All of my friends are reading it and I just have NO desire. I heard it was like Twilight fanfic, lots of S&M, etc. I heard something about a tampon in one sex scene? I'm also hearing from a lot of people about how it's improved their sex life??
Mine's just lovely, so I'll just stick to my book club reads.
I don't know why Kristen would ever want to do another series of books to movies w/ Rob after Twilight?
Like I said, I haven't read the book, so I don't know if the story/characters are in fact experiencing/perpetrating abuse. It's just that there IS a difference between BDSM between consenting adults and pure abuse. Just something to consider...
If you ever decide to read them play the drinking game while reading. For every time you read internal goddess take a shot, looking through my lashes take another, every time they call each other mr. grey or miss Steele take 2 shots. That way you won't remember the endless shit you read the next day.
@Henriette. In complete and total agreement. This woman should be stoned everywhere she goes for her godawful writing and misrepresentation of a true BDSM relationship. Libraries should ban this book purely for the horrible writing not the sexual content. Also the title should be renamed to 50 Shades of Abusive Boyfriend. It's not entertaining, it's not sexy, it's not true BDSM and it should never have been published. If they go forward with this movie I hope it fails miserably.
I haven't read this trash. I prefer the Claiming of Sleeping Beauty trilogies.
@EleanorRigby - THANK YOU! I am seriously weeping with laughter right now. My coworkers are asking if I'm OK (I was wearing headphones, naturally).
"HOLY FUCK IS THIS WRONG."
OMG, just listened to the Gilbert G. link. That's so good!
OMAMA is BROKO -- I loooved those books!
Earlier in the week we have Kristen blurting out that her "Fucking BF just made that movie". Now we have her saying that she thinks she and RP should do a movie about a strong sexual relationship together. . . I'll reiterate my thoughts from earlier this week, someone is trying to hide something. Seriously, Kristen has ALWAYS hated the media interest in her relationships and now all of a sudden there is a ton of who-ha from her about her relationship with RP. Hell she wouldn't even admit it for months and months even though the Paps had photos that pretty much proved they were an item, if not sating at least bumping uglies. I think with the recent rumors about a young Hollywood actress that is actually asexual/homosexual but in a relationship to cover it up may have finally caught Kristen's, or her publicists, notice. This is too ludicrous to believe to be a natural, as opposed to planned.
Sure, it could be a move to get a future movie role but again their is the trouble that Kristen has stated in the past she hates being a celebrity and dislikes acting. I'm sure that's mostly BS but after the Twilight films she could actually retire, assuming her agent is halfway decent. She has no reason to line up future gigs unless she is proving herself a liar or trying to cover something up. My money is on the cover up. This reeks of her acting ability, i.e. almost non-existent and often overblown.
As for the book itself I have to agree with others about it's poor quality. I've only read excerpts of it but those excerpts were supposed to be NSFW. Once I read them though I didn't see were the eroticism came from. It was bland and if you want to read something erotic grab a romance novel or search any fanfic site. It's there and often very good. 50 Shades of Grey is the American Pie to the Internets easily accesible, and better written fanfic, 9 1/2 weeks/Lolita/Indecent Proposal/In the realm of the Senses.
In other words 50 Shades of Grey has only gained attention because it isn't as explicit as it can be. It's a shaken Martini, sounds good but is actually watered down.
I think I'm throwing out to many similes so I'll end this.
KS or RP is hiding something
50 Shades of Grey isn't good.
The movie will flop and flop horribly.
I'm not sure this post is accurate. My understanding is she was asked if she would like her and Rob to play these parts and she avoided commenting on the books altogether by saying that she really wants to work with him again because they make a great team.
@Mikey -- I'm with you. I'm not buying into the hype, and the excerpts online were prime examples of awful writing. I'll pass on this phenom.
@Lori - you made me laugh out loud.
Haven't read this, don't plan to. Female submission is not my thing.
@ those who think this is abusive - there are a lot of women (and men) who really enjoy the submissive role. As long as both adults are consenting and limits are not exceeded, I say good for them!
Just to clarify since I read all three books. Though domination/submission is the sex acts (sorta) it is pretty BDSM light.
But like Twilight, what women are responding to is the obsessive love aspect of the books.
In an age where men are more interested in TV, video games, porn and underage girls. A man to so completly pursue a woman and dominate for his own. Would get a lot of lonely women tails wagging.
It hits a nerve of being desired above all others. Just write a book and say YOU.ARE.MINE. 1,000 times and you will have a 4 million dollar movie deal too.
@SusanB I found the relationship mentally and emotionally abusive. It has nothing to do with the sexual content of the book which is pretty tame, not to mention lame, for BDSM. Maybe I should publish my journal and give these soccer moms a real look into that lifestyle, not to mention some much needed exposure to good writing.
Good lawd, I thought you meant Kristen Davis at first! LOL
Good lawd, I thought you meant Kristen Davis at first! LOL
I was told that you need to buy a vibrator before reading these books. Either that or have a serious boyfriend/husband or man within grabbing distance.
Haven't read this book, have no plans to, ever, especially since it's been confirmed that it started out as Twilight fan fic. As far as improving my sex life, I got a great book at the library for that yesterday, it's called Small Batch Baking by Debby Maugans Nakos, because there is no need to bake a whole cake for just two people. :)
Never read it. Don't intend to. I have no interest in anything Twilight related.
I'd rather read erotica that's quick and dirty.
@Lori
I see your Fran and Gilbert, and raise you Leanne Rimes and Eddie Cibrian
Vanessa Beyer or Kristen Wiig should be in any movie of this....
Ugh. Just ugh.
Some books should not be made into movies. I have not read this book...I read a few excerpts and it was so badly written that I knew I didn't want to buy it. It's obviously written for someone to hold in their left hand while going to work with their right.
Some years back there was a book called "Exit to Eden" by Anne Rice, which was somewhat like this. It was made into a movie and they cast Dan Aykroyd and Rosie O'Donnell in the lead roles, turning a hot sexy little book into a ridiculous movie comedy. Perhaps Stewpatz could do the same for "Shades of Grey"?
I also will not read it, and also heard about the domination "scenes" that were borderline abusive, I do not see the appeal at all.
I haven't read it and not sure if I will, but if the lead female role requires lots of non-emoting blank stares into the camera and the lead male role is a pussy whipped, barely emoting fool, then KS and RP are really perfect for it.
I am reading this... and quite enjoying it. I always seem to be in the minority here haha.
Anyway, I think RPatz would suit Christian (seeing as the book is basically a Twilight fanfic with the characters renamed it amkes sense that he would suit the role)
Despite that, I don't see K Stew as Ana, just doesn't work in my mind.
The book is actually good though - a trashy, mindless read - perfect escapism form revision. :)
Oh my goodness, the Gottfried comment made me laugh out loud on a public bus.
Also, what Kristin Stewart said was
"I haven't read the book yet– so I don't know. I'm dying to make another movie with Rob, I think that we're a good team. I think whatever it is needs to be so ridiculously ambitious. So maybe! I just haven't read it, so I don't know what it is, but I would love to work with him again."
so you're slightly playing this up Enty. I'm not a big Kristin fan or anything but this article is pretty misleading.
After googling alexander skarsgard I've decided he would be the perfect Christian. Wow.
I don't get how this can be made into a movie that isn't porn. It's all sex, with a very basic plot.
One of my friends has read them. She is in an unfulfilling marriage. She loved them. I am not interested.
The books follow the standard romance line, boy meets girl, they're attracted, they get together, something goes wrong, usually a misunderstanding, they split, they get back together.
It is appealing for two reasons. One because she is a sweet innocent thing and he is angry and heartless cold and unapproachable yet amazingly attractive.
Little virgin Ana breaks through the beast exterior into the scared abused child inside, something no one else has done. The control shifts to her. Reason two, even though he is a Dom, he has a PHD in womens bodies and how they respond. He takes great pride in making sure she is completely cared for in the play room and out. Many of us would love a man who is strong, takes control and knows what we want before we do.
I know I at least, love a bad boy. The problem with bad boys is they're selfish. Christian Grey is the baddest of the bad boys but he is totally focused on her and generous beyond dreams.
@AnotherAmy
Yes it's the standard Cinderalla story that ALL romances follow. I have seriously read better Harlequin romances than this crap.
Yes, a man taking control and infantilizing the woman. There is nothing new in that. 50 Shades of Puke doesn't even explore anything interesting about it.
This whole series makes me feel horrible about the reading public.
(Disclaimer: I'm not a BDSM practitioner myself, but I do have a lot of friends who are into various aspects of it, and I have done some serious reading on the topic.)
I haven't read the novel, so I have no idea how accurate a depiction it is of a good BDSM relationship, but I can say that, when practiced by partners who know what they're doing, BDSM does not equal abuse. I was going to try to explain the hallmarks of a healthy BDSM relationship, but then realized it would make a lot more sense to just point everyone in the direction of a good website, soooo...
http://www.xeromag.com
There's quite a lot of info on various types of alternative sexuality (BDSM, polyamory, etc.), so it's definitely worth your while to check it out; you may never want to do any of these things yourself, but it pays to understand them, especially if people you know are involved with them. (Trust me, you'd be amazed at the things some seemingly very vanilla people are into!)
@mynerva - that's just mean!
Ew. Ew. Ew. I cannot believe all the ppl saying Alexander Skarsgard would be good for this role! He looks just like his father, and not in a good way. Not too mention the male in this role has dark hair.. I'm thinking someone more like Matt Bomer would be better. Damn I wish that dude were straight, he's perfection.
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