Monday, October 05, 2009

Ted C. Blind Item

This is not a joke: Poor closeted movie star Toothy Tile, last caught pitifully fooling around with blow and broads, is more recently causing his friends to worry something fierce about his head.

And I don't mean the kind he prefers getting in West Hollywood parking lots.

As our beloved Mr. T's same-sex desires (and née partnership) have been cast as far back in the closet as Kevin Spacey appears to be, Toothy's extremely tight band of friends are fretting for the fella's emotional well-being?and rightfully so.

"We're wondering when he's going to crack," said one of the slightly lesser-inside chums to the notoriously private actor. "I keep hearing from everybody else that he's about to pop, but it's weird, whenever I see him, he acts like everything's cool. I think he only shows that side of himself to a couple of people."

And those people are telling other people who are telling me:

* Toothy's current and arranged girlfriend is starting to "really get on his nerves," particularly when she cleans up after Toothy, who's apparently a bit of a clumsy eater.
* Toothy's getting fed up with having to keep his (currently reinvented) relationship with Grey Goose in the dark and is threatening his publicists and hangers-on with outing both himself and Grey?which would then, ironically, ruin Grey's own beard relationship, not that anybody really cares, so never mind.
* Toothy's been heard complaining to his advisers that the Biz angle they've chosen for him is not exactly panning out, so "what has it been for?," as Toothy has cried.
* Toothy's so frustrated by being a nonperson, as it were (and how he deems it, quite unlike many other fellow Hollywood celebs who are perfectly happy to sell their empty souls to the tabloid devil), he's become unnaturally obsessed with his abs, a subject years prior, when he was happier with Grey, he didn't give an ef about.

Toothy, Toothy, Toothy!

Please give up this hideous fake life while you can?and before you turn into one of these six-packed prima donnas who have about as much to say in life as does Kristin Cavallari. We know the real Toothy's dying to come out.

Let him!

(Hey, Neil Patrick Harris still has an OK gig, ya know).

It Ain't: Kevin Spacey, Bradley Cooper, Robert Pattinson

31 comments:

ben46 said...

Hugh Grant, perchance.

Funny Girl said...

This makes me sad for him. It's all but publicly confirmed that this is Jake Gyllenhaal, right? Who is Austin Nichols dating?

whole lotto luv said...

Funny Girl, Sophia Bush.

jax said...

is he STILL going on about toothy? everyone knows it's jake and austin.

Pookie said...

wow...ted's really obsessed w/ this guy. poor toothy.

Funny Girl said...

Thanks whole_lotto_luv-- this makes me sad for her too.

melanie said...

Ted C's items are confusing, surely there's a more concise way to say all that.

Cheryl said...

I can totally picture Reese brushing crumbs off of him with a scowl on her face.

Alice D Millionaire said...

Sophia and Reese have to know...it is one of the worst kept secrets after Tom and Katie

Linnea said...

Wow, this is one of the few Ted C blinds i can actually read without going crazy!

Cheryl said...

Whatever happened to Baby Tile anyway? Ted was talking about them having a baby a while back.

Momster said...

So if Toothy Tile comes out, what's Ted gonna write about?

Oh wait. All that Twilight stuff.

Little Baby Jade said...

Reese would get on anyone's nerves. Come out already Jake.

sunnyside1213 said...

Ted Speak drives me bananas.

mikey said...

I'm having trouble following all this - why would Reese put up with the facade? Is there something about her I don't know?

Ms Cool said...

So are all the "It Aint's" gay, too? I feel sorry for Jake, er Toothy. Who cares if he is gay?

whole lotto luv said...

mikey, I've read a couple different theories about why Reese is involved. One theory is that money has changed hands (maybe his family's money? 'cause I think she makes plenty more than Jake). Another, more plausible one is that Reese didn't want to be Anistonized in the tabloids. And truly, Aniston has been all poor pitiful seeking love and happiness for what, 15 years now? So for Reese, it worked. No one is feeling sorry for her or thinking she is desperate, because even as a beard, she doesn't seem desperate.

mikey said...

whole_lotto_luv - thanks! I guess it makes sense on some level. Maybe he is a really nice guy and great with her kids. Good friends are hard to come by!

ItsJustMe said...

Not sure if it was Ted or someone else who posted the blind, but apparently Reese is into the ladies so it's a perfect cover-up. That's actually a surprise to me, but you just never really know.

Jasmine said...

What about Zac Efron? I still think Jake g. is bisexual. Rememebr him when he was going out with Kirsten Dunst? There were stories of them fucking all over LA..... so i dunno. Plus you always see Zac at the gym and he does have killer abs

Jasmine said...

jake has killer abs too but i think that started with the movie Jarhead, which was a while ago.

canadachick said...

Dear Jake:
The world knows your secret. We will still watch you in movies even though you're gay. Meh its called ACTING...and you're way hotter as a gay man involved with another hot gay man than you'll ever be with Reese or any girl like her - zero chemistry ...nada. Go, be wild and free with Austin. ITS HOT.

Love
Me

Sarah said...

Love your note Canadachick

slider1964 said...

Hugh Grant 1st one Ive been absolutely sure of lol!!!

Unknown said...

Ben Stiller?

Sherry R. said...

whole_lotto_luv that is the first thing that really makes sense about their relationship. In light of that, it is a smart move for Reese.

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

I heartily endorse Canadachick's comment.

Earaik said...

I dont understand why people care if a celebrity is gay or not. I think its sad that they feel that they should hide who they are because they think the public won't endorse them anymore. If we dont make it a big deal then maybe it wont be one and we can all live happily as we really are!

KellyLynn said...

Well said, Canadachick. I have to say, too, that even though I get sick of Ted C rehashing this crap, and of his overly floral style, I totally agree with his point that Neil Patrick Harris is doing quite well by being himself. Ellen is, too.

Mario said...

Please Ent: you're much better than this. This whole Toothy thing is sad and disgusting. Do let ted casablanca fade to nothing, alone. Only in Hollywood a killer is better than his victim.

Mario

News said...

I THOUGHT it would be sean penn and robin wright but ok if it is jake.

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