Do you ever wonder if that someone special back in the day is the one that got away? Missed out on your chance for true love and got someone else instead? Sure they are nice, but are you with your true love or is someone else the one and that got away?
Crazy Days and Nights is a gossip site. The site publishes rumors, conjecture, and fiction. In addition to accurately reported information, certain situations, characters and events portrayed in the Blog are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Information on this site may contain errors or inaccuracies; the Blog’s proprietor does not make warranty as to the correctness or reliability of the site's content. Links to content on and quotation of material from other sites are not the responsibility of Crazy Days and Nights.
Cookies & 3rd Party Advertisements Google, as a third party vendor, uses cookies to serve ads on your site. Google's use of the DART cookie enables it to serve ads to your users based on their visit to your sites and other sites on the Internet. Users may opt out of the use of the DART cookie by visiting the Google ad and content network privacy policy. We allow third-party companies to serve ads and/or collect certain anonymous information when you visit our web site. These companies may use non-personally identifiable information (e.g., click stream information, browser type, time and date, subject of advertisements clicked or scrolled over) during your visits to this and other Web sites in order to provide advertisements about goods and services likely to be of greater interest to you. These companies typically use a cookie or third party web beacon to collect this information. To learn more about this behavioral advertising practice or to opt-out of this type of advertising, you can visit https://www.networkadvertising.org/managing/opt_out.asp.
75 comments:
The guy I loved(and hoped to marry) didn't love me back and ended up to be gay, and my hubby was the only guy who was ever interested in me(fat ugly girls like me don't exactly attract guys) so I settled as I wanted a family but he's an asshat.
I'm with my true love and am so grateful that the others got away.
I don't have to wonder. The one who left me, contacted me and his leaving me was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I was devastated when it happened and I had 10 years of depression and emotional problems to overcome. Once we made amends I didn't know what to do with the depression so I released it.
The one who thought I was the one who I left under bad circumstances found me on Facebook and is a pathological liar and sociopath. Best thing I ever did was dump him.
I dated a LOT of losers.
I'm with my true love. Ironically, I dodged it for a long time without knowing it. We nearly crossed paths several times over the last 20 years. I ended up moving into my grandmothers house about 8 years ago. I work with a family member of his and the rest is history. We have nothing it common except a wonky sense of humor. It works for us totally. He is a good good man. And if I had to go through it all again (trust me, I have been through some shit) I would do it all again times 10 if I knew he was at the end of that journey waiting for me. Having two more darling girls with him to add to our family (one beautiful daughter from an asshat who was NOT my soul mate) just makes it all that much better.
I am now married to the man I am supposed to be with and I love him dearly. My first marriage was about being bored and not knowing what else to do.
I just searched out my biggest high school crush. There was a time I thought he was my soul mate. I am sad that his life isn't as great as I expected it to be. I guess that's a good measure of love, wishing for his success even if its not with me.
oh, and before I met him I would swear to you there was no such thing as a soul mate
There was a guy in college who I didn't take seriously for superficial and stupid reasons, and I never let our friendship get any further even though he tried. Years passed, and I saw him at the funeral of a mutual friend a few years ago, and I could kick myself for being such a stupid, stupid girl. He's a wonderful man, kind, successful, funny, handsome. I was such a fool.
Honestly, I was a fool until I reached late 20s/30ish. I have several regrets, but that particular one from college is the one I've seen recently where I had the self-realization about what a lousy, judgmental person I used to be.
I used to think I lost someone who was 'the one,' but I've since realized that you don't lose 'the one.' They come back to you no matter what. Also, the jackasses who broke your heart also come back, but thank goodness, way too late. That guy who broke my heart 10 years ago? Now I see that he's pretty wretched, and his wife would be shocked by the friending me on FB, watching me in restaurants, sending me emails that I don't respond to. Jerk. So much better off to be rid of him....if only I could have seen it then!
and I have total faith that I will meet / have met the guy who's right for me, and who I'm right for. Gotta kiss a lot of frogs. : )
What Missus said. I understand if people get away for circumstantial reasons--he moved away, one was in a relationship when they met, etc. Sliding doors type thing. But I personally don't understand why people who were dumped feel like that guy/girl was "the one who got away." If a guy breaks up with me, I wouldn't go much of my life believing he was the one that I'm missing out on. How can you be in love with someone who truly doesn't love you back? Like, long for them over the years. I'm not trying to be mean, I really am curious.
I am now with my true love and mate.
It did not happen perfectly--I missed having kids completely; he had kids way too young and was forced to stay in a 20-year suck-ass marriage to be a good Dad...
But it rocks just the same! Now we're two old horn-dawg BFFs who live every day feeling blessed.
My husband is totally NOT my type, and yet he is the love of my life. While sometimes I miss the "spark" of being singly, I couldn't imagine my life without him.
haha @ms snarky. THEY ALWAYS COME BACK!
I'm the girl who got away from a lot of guys, or so I am discovering in my later years...all these guys in high school and college who treated me like an afterthought on the B-list, kept me on the back burner as a consolation prize when the A-list girls flaked on them, and said things to me like "if we're both single by the time we're 40, let's get married" (seriously I heard that from at least FIVE different friends-with-benefits I was head over heels in love with...are crawling out of the woodwork now because I am over 40, in good shape, fairly attractive and well-adjusted in comparison to the crazy bitches they all married. I have never been married...not sure I ever will...I was kind of an ugly duckling, or maybe more of an awkward duckling and in my late 30's I really came into my own...so, not so sure I'm willing to give that up for any guy, unless he's incredible. If I can't have incredible, I'm happy alone. :) But @BigMama that's good to hear that you found your love, because at this point I don't believe in soul mates anymore...
My soulmate lives in australia. He and I met online and he visited me for 2 weeks but it was just impossible to have a real relationship. Even though he admitted I was the first girl ( he was 42 at the time. Now 50!) he fell totally in love with and would marry. We still keep in touch and talk. But he has seen the losers I've been with recently and voiced his opinion. I am now seeing a great guy who I have a lot in common with. But he will never be Paul
I have a "one who got away." We dated in high school, broke up because we were too young and the distance (cross country) was hard. We stayed friends and saw each other a few times over the years. He said he was in love with me, but I was too young still to get serious. By the time I was ready to settle down, he had found someone else. Now he's happily married, and I'm in a very very good relationship. Our lives were just on different timelines. I wouldn't trade him for all the adventures I had during the past 15 years. Was it true love/soulmate? I don't know. I care deeply about him (so much so that I don't keep in touch anymore...it hurts too much). But my life is so much richer for the way I have lived it, and I'm with someone who appreciates that and has also lived an adventurous life. So my current partner is the right one for me, more so than the one that got away.
For me, there has been more than one "the one" and nobody got away.
I've loved all of my soul mates and still have contact and an emotional connection with the best ones, but just because we love each other doesn't mean we should have gotten married or in some cases stayed married.
He came very close to getting away because it was hard to decide and I was keeping a relationship going that really I should have let go of before that. I am one of the lucky ones ;>
Yeah
And we both know it
But we're friends still. Best friends
Forgot to mention, I don't think there is "the one". There are a number of people who would make a great partner, if only we would let them. I think it's a harmful myth. But I am so glad to have my husband and now it is hard to imagine anyone else measuring up to him.
I am with my true love. We fell in love at first sight (and I'm an atheist and don't believe in that stuff) and we have tried to live apart, but can never do so for long. We're finally together and extremely happy.
@jetfuelgenius - I hear ya. when I moved here I swore I was done dating. My husband was persistant. He is NOTHING like any guy I ever dated. Not physically, not emotionally (thank goodness) and not intellectually (he's a lot smarter than he wants people to think). My sister met her soul mate a few years back and got married for the first time at 44. He is 18 years older and in better shape than most 20 year olds I know. My point is, I think as we get older we tend to make the list longer instead of shorter of what we want in a mate. The reality is, you can't schedule or arrange or itemize chemistry. It just happens. Good Luck
I ascribe to the idea that "the one" is the one who you commit to, and not the one who "got away." Otherwise the one who got away will always be "the one" and you will waste your life pining for and chasing after someone and something that might have been but never was and likely never will be.
I thought I'd found the one, and then was widowed after a year and four months, so who knows.
I did love a man who I met when he was separated, then he would go back and I would refuse to see him. This went on for four years, I finally told him I deserved better even if it was being alone, I stopped looking. The perfect man for me appeared and we have been happy and
in harmony for twenty years.
@BigMama - I was just talking about how my list has gotten shorter over the years the other day. Amen to that.
My high school crush, who I thought I'd never get over, turned out to be a real sleaze ball as an adult. (Probably was one then too, but I didn't want to see it). Him being like that made it easy to let go.
I still have yet to find the love of my life. May happen, may not. I just aim to live a happy life every day and be grateful every day I'm still on this Earth.
Yes. Well, actually I don't know. My best freind with benefits who I was in love with, but never spoke it, who I miss horribly horribly to this day, the guy who flew me out to see him working in Austraila, Japan, and all over europe..; the man who went out of his way to find museums and zoo's and shoe stores to take me to when I was visiting.. I let him get away. I guess at 21-24 I was too into partying, and having my own life and having fun, to understand "the only part of Paris that isn;t perfect is not having you here with me all the time." :/. We had the fight of our lives on NYE 1999/2000. He hated the guy I was dating,and my lifestyle at the time...heavy drinking and other stuff.. If you have seen "One Day", I was playing the role of Dexter at that time..LOL. I found him much later in Facebook, after not speaking for probably 8 years. He's married, to a woman who looks like a thinner version of me, has 3 cats, no kids, because she doesn't want any and I'm sure that breaks his heart because he wanted kids badly. Again, I have none, but if I had not married the world biggest jerk, I would have probably had one or two. I know at 37 I still can but the chances of meeting someone who wants them and having them ia very slim.
Just want you all to know it's never too late! I'm 44 and just got together with my guy when I was 39.
But anyway, I don't know if he was the one, but I think I should have tried harder to find out if he was. I see him on facebook but he never posts anything and I have never heard more than a few emails and one 5 hour phone call. I guess I still need closure. But, to sum that all up, I am not with my soul mate. Why? Probably because I was one of those tall skinny, very very insecure girls in highschool and college. I was very pretty but did not see it at the time...probably because I can still count on both hands the number of guys who have asked me out, and it not being a forced set up or anything.
But anyway, I don't know if he was the one, but I think I should have tried harder to find out if he was. I see him on facebook but he never posts anything and I have never heard more than a few emails and one 5 hour phone call. I guess I still need closure. But, to sum that all up, I am not with my soul mate. Why? Probably because I was one of those tall skinny, very very insecure girls in highschool and college. I was very pretty but did not see it at the time...probably because I can still count on both hands the number of guys who have asked me out, and it not being a forced set up or anything.
I went back to "the one", a supercrazy love, after getting divorced. We dated again, then broke up. I had the opportunity to play it out, and I'm grateful for that. I thought of him every day, even after I was married (and I did love my husband at the time).
I'm starting to think that falling in love is for the young. I can't imagine feeling that way, now, towards anyone. I've been purposely single for awhile, and I like it. I have someone I see when I need "that" kind of contact. I spent most of my life in constant relationships - can't imagine that now, either!
i realized that I was the one who got away from all those guys. it has been strange to have 3 grown men tell me i am/was the love of their respective lives.
i guess there's always another side to the coin.
I ended up marrying my "one that got away!" :D
Cliff's Notes version: We dated in high school. Teenager love. I was a dumb teenager and we broke up. I thought about him constantly for years. While I was engaged to someone else in 2005, I saw him at the bank. I was confused, scared, and realized I didn't love my then-fiance the way I had loved my high school boyfriend. I ended my engagement, but didn't end up seeing my "one that got away" for another year or so. I found him on MySpace in 2006, and we have been together ever since. Our second wedding anniversary is coming up soon! :)
I married my one true love...only to have her turn into Roy Cohn 20 years and two kids later.
From there I lucked into the arms of a woman with the wit of Dorothy Parker, the smarts of Lise Meitner (her sister is a well-published biochemist) and the body of a young Uma Thurman (almost literally). If I'd just handled her divorce for her...well, we'd still have split up, but oh man.
The very, very sweet and more-published-than-me honey with the rack like Christina Hendricks...the prosecutor with an ass that wouldn't quit who'd studied at Moscow Art Theatre...the gymnast darling, whom my daughters adored, with a smile that made my knees buckle and the most wholesomely perverse tastes...the ugly duckling who turned out to have a sexual persona that could peel the paint off the walls and grew up to be a renowned tech executive (honey, I am not paying a door fee to hear you speak)...the college darling who has labored in the gub'ment trenches for decades to rescue at-risk children, who is even more lovely now than she was 30 years ago and who I just missed out (sigh) on having a chance with again lo these many years later?
Yeah, I've had my chances at true love.
B. Prof, i'm just in love with your descriptions of them.
clearly, you got away from someone....
oh enty! i heart u!
No, but I still think about the first man I wanted to have sex with (nothing happened) oh my was he ever sexy...
Wow long responses.
I've got two words: hell no.
...Or, to put the list in different perspective, two bankrupts, three alcoholics (admitted), two molested by family to the point of sexual dysfunction (admitted, probably more), tons of single moms getting over bad divorces...oh, and the Catholic school teacher who is the protagonist in my one, epic "When Harry Met Sally" story.
@B. Profane.
ok, out of love. but the years colour things so prettily...
i no longer look at myself as the bankrupt drug addict with mental health issues (which always left me wondering how i could be a "someone who got away" to a few dudes).
i hope those ladies you mentioned see themselves in a better light now too.
This is an ironic topic for me. I had this one friend that I was always in love with but never said anything or did anything about it(I was the fat girl and was afraid of rejection). I always tried to find guys that reminded me of him in the looks category. I actually married my first husband and hoped that he would stop the wedding from happening. That marriage didn't last very long and we continued to be friends but I was still to scared to say anything. Then I met another guy and he met a girl and we drifted apart and moved on with our lives. Fast forward to the present time. I am waiting for my divorce to be finalized and one day while on a boring conference call I looked him up on Facebook and there he was with divorced in his info. I sent him a message and we started chatting. Just this past Monday night we actually met up in person for the first time in years and the sparks were flying. He told me that the 20 years was definitely worth the wait because we've both been through so much that now we know what we want and appreciate things. Way too soon to know what will happen for us but today I am a very happy woman.
Absolutely not! My exes are exes for a reason. I'm very happy with my husband! :)
I was married for a year to my husband who I thought was my soulmate but I was so incredibly unhappy. Not because of him but because I was not ready to settle down. He is an amazing person but I knew and voiced it that I did not want to get married however everyone's reaction to that is always the cold feet excuse. So I convinced myself of that and got married. That day was the most stressful day of my life and I hated everymoment of it. A year later I left (not in the best way possible) and I am slowly learning to be my own soulmate and happiness.
I'm so grateful for the romances that didn't work out. My husband is everything to me. I am thankful for him daily. I dated a few losers and paid my dues.
My one that got away was a middle school crush – he was so cute, smart and popular & I was gawky and chubby, but he used to stare at me and smile all the time in class. I know this because I was always starting at him! Everyone knew that I was in total love (well, what I thought was love at age 11) and I wasn’t afraid or ashamed to wear my heart on my sleeve. We ended up going to different high schools and I lost track of him. He was friends with my cousin and the last time I saw him was at their wedding back in the early 90’s. I heard that he moved to England with his “much younger” wife.
I occasionally search for him on FB and I still even dream about him sometimes. I’m gonna be 47 next month. How pathetic is that?
After going through alcoholic douchebag husband #1, I love my much younger hubby and do feel that he is my best friend and soulmate. However, I still think about J from time to time and wonder what if…
I'm with who I was meant to be, so I'm glad the one before him got away. And the boy I was so sure I was in love with in high school (completely unrequited, of course) turned out to be an idiot. Turns out it's a good thing it was a one-way "love." :)
I think my first love is still in love with me and we remain friends but I'm happy I moved on and had love affairs and lovers. I finally found the right guy and I'm extremely in love and happy after 15 years together. He was worth waiting for.
awwwww Yeah! @New Life! I am very happy for you
Had a crush on a guy all of Middle School and HS, too shy to ever say anything to him. At 24 met my husband and had 30 yrs together. Would it have been different if I wasn't so shy, maybe. You know someone loves you when they help take care of your dieing Mother. Miss him everyday.
My answer is a huge NO! I'm glad they all got away! They were not all bad, but my hubs is the One. Granted, it took us a while to figure out no one else would put up with us though;)
It't funny because my hubs, and I led parallel lives. We both lived in LA at the same time. We were both married to other people at the same time and almost always nearly meeting each other.
We were definitely When Harry Met Sally...
I met my soulmate when I was 22 and he was 20; it's now 25 years later, we've been married for 23 years, two annoying teenagers, and I'm the luckiest woman alive.
That would be a good Your Turn topic: your real-life "When Harry Met Sally" deli scene moments.
@ Angry O. -- Shit happens, and some of those ladies definitely felt I was NOT The One. They were all wonderful. Drugs and money woes are often symptoms of something deeper. It was the grown-up molested honeys who expected the to be The One and otherwise pretend nothing ever happened around their (un-prosecuted) family member perps...that was a bitch.
Hm. Guy1: high school first love who told me he loved me then two weeks later said he made a mistake and was in love with the big breasted redhead in band.
Guy2: said he loved me but was actually holding out for my roommate to break up with her boyfriend. Thank goodness she made him suffer for it when he broke up with me and tried to hook up with her.
Guy3: was everything that all the romance movies were about. Time literally stood still when we were together. But while he had 'fun' with me, he was still hung up on his sociopathic ex. When I walked away he cried and begged me to stay in his life.
Husband: I married a guy who said he loved me and shows it every single day, even after all these years.
And I am dedicated to him and our family.
I only wish he could give me butterflies and goosepimples when he touches me.
So what does that say?
I've been married to my true love for over 20 years. We were born on opposite coasts, I moved to Austin just after he moved away, and then we ended up meeting in Dallas.
I look at our kids and just know that it was meant to be.
I've been married to my true love for over 20 years. We were born on opposite coasts, I moved to Austin just after he moved away, and then we ended up meeting in Dallas.
I look at our kids and just know that it was meant to be.
I can't imagine still being with any of the guys I dated before!
11 years in and I hope this is not my soul mate because I deserve to be happier than this. But we have a gorgeous daughter together and make the best of it for her. The one that got away well I often wonder and I reckon he does too :oD
I am with my true love, but I do have two regrets for men who loved me when I was too young to handle it. I don't regret not staying with them, but just regret how I handled leaving them.
Shiresugah - a guy who shows you how much he loves you is worth so much. I spent years looking for my soulmate. In the end, I found a guy who tells me how much he loves me everyday, and I learned the power of a love that grows vs a guy that gives you instant tingles. The tingles often go away but a slow growing love lasts.
I've only ever been in love once, but have been with other guys since. Met him when I was 18, he was 21 and this was just the start of the coincidences:I chose the same degree he did at the same uni (he graduated the year before I started so his choice didn't influence me).Between 18-21 we saw each other a few times a year, but nothing serious. After my graduation though, I got a public sector job and was placed in his building (again,I did not asked to be placed there).We then dated for close to 2 years, but I broke it off as he wanted to settle down with me but I wasn't ready, he has refused to speak to me since. Then he transferred to another site, however we still live in the same small town. Fast forward a few years later and I got a new job in a different town, then a few months after me he was transferred to the same town...It just feels like I can't get away from him and I don't think I want to. It's harder lately as not only have I just ended a thing with a guy (who was an idiot), I've been offered a post-grad college course away from home and all combined has just made me think about the guy a whole lot more in the sense of - is he my 'the One' that I let get away? Sorry for the long post, but reading everyones' stories has made me think about it...a lot.
But they're always the love of your life aren't they? every single time.
Thanks BigMama!
And I would have to say that mine is a good When Harry Met Sally story.
I can't imagine being with anyone else other my husband. I don't think anyone else could get me they way he does. If for whatever reason we aren't together forever, I know I wouldn't sharing my life with anyone else.
First love cheated on me & called w her on the line to tell me he loved her more in 3 weeks than he did me in 3 years. They've been married 15 years, 2 kids.
Husband was a great man but I didn't have passion and felt too young to 'settle'
Met the one who was 'the one' if you ask my heart. He kept me hanging on for 5+ years, moved to new city wo me, ran up bills on my tab, excluded me from plans in public, broke my heart repeatedly & said he never wanted to marry or have a family. I left him because I knew I would never mean enough to him and almost 5 years later still think of him 100x a day. Just found out he's engaged to someone younger, smarter, and prettier than me and DOES want all of those things, just didn't with me.
Only other someone after him loved the hell out of me but was suffering from drug addiction and didn't love himself enough. I couldn't love him for him. He's now clean and dating someone younger, smarter and cuter than me.
Now at 38 I've got chronic sicknesses that have caused weight gain and depression and I don't know if I'll ever get that happy I've been told I deserve.. Someone else always gets my happy ending.
Ooh, good Your Turn! I used to think about this and wonder, but old age has made me wiser & I know everything happens for a reason. Also, Facebook allows me to see "what might have been" and I thank my lucky stars I choose another path.
It started on a balcony, on a perfectly warm Summer night.
I’d just met her, and she could not have been LESS impressed by me if I was there to unclog the toilet. She was the smartest woman in the room - ANY room. I was a disaster that had already happened. I made a total ass out of myself trying to impress her. I was singing old CCR rock songs to her - without any backing music. She rolled her eyes, but she finally smiled. And oh my God…what a smile. For weeks she would not even return my calls. I finally had to bribe her boss, and sell my soul to him, just to get alone in a room with her for two minutes. I asked if I had offended her. She said “no”, but that should could never “date” anyone she worked with, around, or near...especially a person - like ME.
Ouch.
I told her that was okay because I was totally schizo and I could be anyone she wanted me to be. She laughed again and I couldn’t stop thinking about her. It was almost a full year later before we ran into one another again, and I convinced her I was not the antichrist. We were at a swanky industry party, and I literally abducted her into an empty side room. When she realized I only wanted to talk, we wound up doing that for almost three straight hours. She said she could see herself getting caught up in me. But that I was (quote): “Like trying to hold burning gasoline in your hands”.
It was dangerous for her, because she stood to lose everything. Including her identity, her well-earned success, and possibly her mind - just from dating me. I was a train wreck that was limping along the shoulder of the tracks. She told me she was NOT going to be my mother, my doctor, my savior, or my enabler. I asked her to be...just my friend.
She was afraid of me, and of falling in love with me. I didn’t blame her, especially after the wreckage I’d caused to others whom I had loved. But in her I finally saw what it meant to have a soul mate. Because of her, I finally realized that I had a soul.
I found out what the term soul mate really meant one night, when she left me all alone in my hotel room - in another country. I needed her so badly that I ached. Just to talk to her, watch her laugh, have her tell me I’m a complete self-involved infant...and see her brown hair cascade down the nape of her neck.
I physically hurt I needed her so badly. So without packing, I literally jumped onto a plane and flew across the globe to catch up with her. Practically in my pajamas with only a wallet and passport in hand, we kissed next to the luggage carousel at LAX in the middle of the night like two insane teenagers. She had tears in her eyes and couldn’t stop laughing. I handed her a plastic flower and proposed. A woman I’d hardly known a full year continuously. Would she marry me?
She asked me if I knew the secret to a happy marriage? I told her “yes...when two people like the same kind of mayonnaise.” She shook her head in disbelief as a smile poured across her lips. She said I was illogical, immature, insane, and mercurial. She said I was a total, complete mess. I batted my eyes. Would she PLEASE marry me?
Then she said...yes.
We told no one for EVER. It was like trying NOT to tell people you’ve cured cancer or won the lottery. But I’d have welded my lips shut if it meant keeping her. That’s been several years now, and she’s the only person (other than my kids) whom I never get tired of seeing. She could leave me tomorrow, or things could change 20 years from now. But my feelings never will. I know we’ll be sitting in our rocking chairs laughing as the sun goes down in our old age. What more could any man ask? I truly believe there IS someone for everyone...even if you need a telescope and a GPS to find them.
I met my husband on Myspace of all places, I wasn't looking, he found me and the rest they say is history. He's the one, I know it in my bones.
I used to think someone else was, a beautiful man with a very dark side. I hope to never run into him again, when he left me he said it was because of my drinking (12 years sober thank you very much) but at the time it devastated me.
I was sure he was the love of my life, but time healed the wound, I found true love and I wouldn't give this up for anything, especially the asshat that dumped my drunk ass.
In hindsight I thank God I'm not with him, I'd be miserable. How do I know that? cuz I was when I was with him. I wouldn't be 26 again if you paid me.
@himmmm yes just like that
"At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet."
@Himmmmm - That made my insides melt. How wonderfully sweet.
So cool to read all of these! It makes me happy that some of you guys are so happy and content with your better halves - congrats!
I have been with the same guy for almost 4 years now, we have a one year old daughter but when we started dating there was also another guy I was casually dating. Back then I felt like I was choosing between love and money, the other guys looked way better on paper. While I love my guy there was always this little voice and these fleeting thoughts about the other guy. The last 4 years have been full of ups ands downs and we weathered a lot together (I don't think it would have been the same with the other guy) but life finally seems to be falling in to place and I'm glad I'm with my guy and not the "one that (i thought) got away".
"I truly believe there IS someone for everyone...even if you need a telescope and a GPS to find them"
That's gonna be my Facebook status :)
@The Black Cat: I hope you're right about that. And I should have internalized that already, being that I keep on repeating to myself that Colin Firth didn't start dating until he was about 30 and didn't find "the one" until he was about 36. So if that could happen to THE Colin Firth, I should still hold out hope. But there's always this element of my being that thinks I'm really getting on in age (I'm 33 -- God, that was horrible to type out) and I'm really at a crisis mode when it comes to finding someone who loves me enough to want to spend the rest of their life with me, someone who is genuinely "the one".
The big hindrance to this is really that I spent virtually all of my twenties being a caregiver, first to my dying father, then when he passed away to my ailing mother. I never got to go out in my early twenties and have that youthful fun, encounter a large group of males to date and explore, have the experience of dating around and going through multiple relationships in a short period of time, and all of the other things one would expect would happen when one is a twentysomething. And I am deeply, deeply jealous of those of you who had that type of twenties experience. All I had were responsibilities punctuated with the odd fun event (though I haven't taken a real break in over ten years) and I feel like I'm in my sixties on the inside because I'm so burned out from everything.
I do have one exceptionally good male friend, someone who's my best friend and closest confidante. I not-so-secretly wish that he could be "the one" and we could spend the rest of our lives together in wedded matrimony, but I don't know that for sure just yet and I don't want to make assumptions or jump the gun too much. It sucks both knowing that there's this one person out there who is so perfect and right for me in so many ways, not knowing where things will end up, and pinning all my hopes on this one relationship. I do feel that I love this person and that I know what love is, unlike a lot of people out there who think that love is all fireworks and butterflies in one's stomach.
And, see, that's the thing. Because I'm realistic about love and know better than to equate grand romance with love (romance is selfish, whereas love is selfless), I feel like I should have more of a chance at finding love than some immature adolescence-rooted adult who thinks that love should be as the romance novels or movies portray it. Yet there are so, so many of these immature adolescence-rooted adults who have found love and waste it because the starry-eyed honeymoon period is over and they think that means they've "fallen out of love". I wish I could unload my life on those people and make them live through what I've had to live through, so that I could secure that love that I'm so desperate to hold onto and cherish for as long as I live.
Anyway, that's my story.
Diane, You've done what so many children couldn't do -- You've devoted your life to your parents when they needed you. I hope that's given you many memories, among others knowing that you did what no one else could do for them.
I'm one of the last people to talk about 'the one' because i'm not in a relationship now, and i've moved on from thinking of anyone in my past as possibly being 'that' person. But i do kind of believe in 'the one' in a serial way; we change over time, and i think our perfect person changes with time, too.
As much as possible, spend your time doing what makes you happy. You won't be wasting a second of it that way. You may make friends with similar interests that way. I met my last 'one' because we collected the same type of silver. We had some glorious years.
I hope that you and your current friend become even closer and spend much more time together in what ever way develops.
Best wishes,
e
Post a Comment