An Open Letter To Katie Holmes
Dear Katie,
I had intended to just start off this letter with warm birthday greetings. As I am sure you are aware, it is your birthday today. When you entered the world on December 18, 1978, I'm sure your parents had no idea that you would end up where you are today. Actually no parent actually knows where their child is going to end up. When a kid is born, it doesn't say serial killer on his forehead. Anyway, that is here nor there. Let's talk about where you are now as you approach your 30th year on this earth.
Your parents named you Katherine Noelle Holmes and they called you Katie your entire life, as did your friends, peers and mailmen. Not to say that the people who deliver mail are not peers because they are. I was just trying to make a point, and did so rather poorly. To make up for it, I will remind everyone that your mail carriers are so sick of cookies and sweets by this time of the year that they probably are not touching anything you left in the mailbox. However, they are up for some salty at this time of the year. In addition don't just leave good stuff in the mailbox during the holiday season. Remember that cold water in July is just as refreshing as the regifted fruitcake you put into your mailbox yesterday.
At what point did you change your name to Kate? Kate is severe and threatening. Have you seen Kate Hudson and Kate Jackson? Not exactly warm and fuzzy huh? I know it is Tom's fault, but it's time you put your foot down and told him that you prefer Katie and the world prefers Katie. Hell, we just want our Katie back.
You are 29 years old, and looked 50 at certain points during this past year. Each day ages you 10, and it shows. You look more like Laura Bush than the Katie Holmes we all know and love. I have to tell you that despite your constant appearances in front of the cameras this year, there were very few photos of you which I absolutely loved. I posted it at the top so you can see. Yes, I know it shows a lot of cleavage and Tom probably made you do it, but hell, it was his one good idea all year and so credit where credit is due. I don't want you to think I only like it because of the cleavage. I do, because, hey I'm a guy, and it might even be nice to have a guy around who actually likes looking down your blouse. I like the photo because it reminds me of the pre-Tom Katie Holmes. The happy go lucky, not living in a prison Katie Holmes. The I was really starting to get some great film roles and do some great things before I met Tom Cruise Katie Holmes.
I do want to say that you seem to be a great mom to Suri. The five minutes a day you spend in front of the cameras has allowed me in all my years of wisdom to declare you as a fine parent. Actually I can tell you are great because Suri actually seems to enjoy being with you unlike the photos of the similarly hairstyled husband of yours. By the way, what is the deal with that? Did he just wake up one day in his separate bedroom and say, "From now on, Suri and I will have the same hair color and style?" Does his word become law? I'm not real sure about the whole Scientology thing and whether he is your God or John Travolta or some weird amalgamation of Jada Pinkett Smith and Leah Remini. You might want to tell Tom that in his daily photo ops with Suri that he doesn't need to always be holding her bottle. Most guys wouldn't do that anyway. We would just let our overburdened significant others shoulder whatever load wasn't in the stroller. I know you are never outside a vehicle for longer than 5 minutes so this is not a problem, but just tell him it looks staged when he does this. Ditto the fact that there is never a nanny present in public which just makes everything look staged also.
I do want to say congratulations to you on finishing the NY Marathon. That is tremendous, and a proud accomplishment. I know that if Tom wasn't waiting at the finish line you probably would have finished much faster. I hope you enjoyed your time alone, and it was probably the best you felt all year.
As next year rolls around, I hope that when you turn 30 in 2008, that we see the Katie Holmes back we all love and fondly remember. We promise not to look that closely if Tom "disappears" while going out for coffee.
EL
25 comments:
ps. wear a sports bra.
It really didn't look like she had much a chest to hold up, jax...
And El, do you really think Tom allows her to get to a computer??
lol jax.
great letter, EL. I wasn't aware that katie and I were born only a few days and states apart.
She still seems as sweet as she ever was, it's just that she doesn't have the opportunity to speak anything unscripted anymore. I hope she's allowed to be herself in front of her family.
BTW- Chris Klein also called her "Kate".
My husband must be very controlling because he calls me "Steph". I thought it was a term of endearment. Thank you for showing me the light.
P.S.- Do you also dabble in divorce law?
I would hate to see the Christmas letters you send to your freinds and family?
No matter what size..no boobs deserve to be chucked around a thin tank top while running a freakin marathon. my nips hurt just recalling the time.
Ent, he didn't just wait at the finish line -- the public became aware of Holmes in the Marathon when Cruise (carrying the baby) jumped into the mass of runners in Brooklyn (Bronx maybe?) to give Holmes a kiss. Ever been to one of these races? He really put the baby in jeopardy by waltzing in there. But everything's about him, and he got the attention he wanted. That way he also took some attention away from Holmes' considerable achievement. Wotta guy.
nice of katie/kate to add Conner and Bella's names to the beautiful family holiday card. i'm sure both tom and nick would have overlooked that small detail.
lol@jax
KatE only has 8 more years and 10 months before Tom dumps her to preempt the California laws regarding property or whatever. That will make her almost 40, but she will still look youthful and we'll all welcome her back into the fold.
That cleavage is long gone in the thinnification of "Kate". The body of an adolescent male is the model of beauty for gay fashion designers, so why not for robustly heterosexual male mega stars?
Wow - this must have been very cleansing EL. ;)
Now if you'd just reveal the whole darn BI that would be great!
Oh Katie.
I remember reading a magazine article about Katie (in the spring of '05) at the time when she suddenly appeared as Tom's Amazing True Love.
The article had been written a couple of months prior, when she had just moved to NYC to be single in the big city after breaking up with Chris Klein.
She spoke about how she had always wanted to live there, how she was happy to be single etc.
It made me sad because she had JUST (that week? the one before?) became Tom's contract girlfriend.
So disappointed that she sold out like that.
I did not follow Holmes before she married Tommy Girl. Can someone please tell me if she always dressed like a 40 year old soccer Mom? How did she dress in the year before she met him?
TIA
Underarock: Katie dressed age appropriately. Lots of jeans, casual tops, long hair. Just think the opposite of how she dresses now. Although I would kill for some of the shoes she wears. Shoes are worth killing for afterall.
Amazing! (insert air quotes)
I have always thought that Katie and Britany Spears look very similar. Not so much in the last few years. They have the same eyes and the same smile. Not so much the same stylist. I think Katie and the Queen of England might use someone in common. And Brit Brit... she uses my sixteen year old step daughter as a fashion consultant. (too tight + too short = perfect) Either way, take a good long look at Katie, and look at a pre-bloat photo of Brit. Dopplegangers (I have never used that word before, did I use it right?) Oh well, I think they both used to be precious.
did she sell out? or did she find herself knocked up with Chris Klein/Josh Hartnett's kid in NYC and desperate to bail herself out from the Catholic guilt instilled in many of us in our youth?
just askin....
Woo, all right Katie, today's my bday too. And Steven Speilberg. Hmm, and Christina Aguilera, Kiefer Sutherland, and Brad Pitt.
Thanks Califblondy. Maybe shoes are a form of rebellion for her. A girl's got to draw the line at wearing fugly shoes. She should tell Tom it will cost him an extra 50K everytime she has to slouch and wear flats.
Crichmond1000, Funny you should mention the queen. When I see Katie I always think she must be styled by some minion who hates her. Makes me think of Princess Di's wedding gown, everytime.
as much as I feel so frightened for Kate
there is a part of me that looks at this picture and thinks "I want that life."
NOT
Liveunderarock (love the name by the way! hahaha) used to dress more bohemian and less structured. I really liked her style. Now of course (thanks to Tom's wonderful guiding hand) you don't really see that.
I never thought she seemed the type to sell out so much but who really knows these people...
Along with everyone else though I would love to know the full deal of their "relationship".
Thanks Bluegirl.
As I said, I'm not that familiar with Katie. But I don't get the impression that she sold out. My impression was that she was truly swept off her feet by her childhood idol. Then once she was in love with Tom it was easy for him to talk her into contracts, Scientology, and whatever else he wanted.
We, humans do a lot of things when we are in love that we normally wouldn't do.
I would love to know if she has realized what an unholy mess she has got herself and her child involved in.
I am too lazy to correct that last sentence so it doesn't end in a preposition. Is there an editor in the house?
Stephanie said...
My husband must be very controlling because he calls me "Steph".
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The problem is not that Tom calls her Kate, the issue is that he insists that everyone ELSE call her Kate as well.
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