Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Dear 20th Century Fox

Dear Rupert, (Is it ok if I call you Rupert? You are a US citizen now and here in the US we call everyone by their first name),

First of all before we get into why I am writing you, I would just like to say that I thought it was in pretty bad taste for Geraldo Rivera to show the body bag containing the dead model who jumped to her death this past weekend. Granted, I know Geraldo isn't very popular and hell, most of you over there probably don't like him either, but next time, do you think you could reign him in a little bit and show some restraint. My guess is that if you had some potential big television deal going on in Russia you wouldn't have shown it, so lets just pretend you do and make sure it doesn't happen again.

Now, the reason I wrote you is the whole double feature thing on one DVD. I applaud you for this and think it is a great idea. I also understand that you, like other studios usually try and combine the same general theme in order to attract more sales. Therefore when you put an Estrogen fest together like Steel Magnolias, Ya-Ya Sisterhood and, The Joy Luck Club, I forgive you. Actually I think it is great. Those three films equal the approximate length of two Sunday football games so we are all good.

My problem is when you take a really kick ass film and put it with a loser in order to prop up sales of the loser. For example, I don't think many people are running out to buy Glitter in the Glitter/E.T combination if you know what I mean.

On Friday I was cruising the Target looking for clearance wine to really get the weekend started off right, and happened to head by the film section. I generally will wander over there after I have popped open a bottle to savor the buzz from my $5 chardonnay while finding something to watch. Well, lo and behold I saw Say Anything and I thought that would be a perfect choice. See, I kind of sat on my last copy. Then, I saw that for some idiotic reason known only to you, you combined it with All The Right Moves. Now, I have nothing but the greatest affection for Lea Thompson. Lots of affection actually if you know what I mean. Craig T. Nelson? Please. Legend. Chris Penn? RIP. Tom Cruise? I don't think so. See, your average John Cusack fan has a brain, and when that brain engages we have a tough time seeing Tom Cruise as a football player.

In addition to his lack of football playing ability, we who worship at the altar of Caroline In The City know that Lea Thompson would never actually have sex with Tom Cruise, find him attractive or go along with the charade that is Tom's d**k in the film. Yes, you can claim body double all you want, but lets face it, he was practically a no name and there was no budget and if you are going to get a d**k double, then by God it better be the size of Dirk Diggler. Who wants a 2 inch d**k double?

I feel that having Tom Cruise on the same DVD as Say Anything is really soiling the good name of that classic. A more appropriate choice for All The Right Moves might be something like Harry And The Hendersons or Cops And Robbersons. To know that the two movies are somehow touching in some weird digital way is kind of like some version of cyber cooties, The only way this would be acceptable is if there were some way for John Cusack to be able to actually go inside All The Right Moves and kick Tom Cruise's whiny ass. That would be worth watching.

However, until that technological marvel occurs, please, replace All The Right Moves with some other Cusack classic, or just dead air. If you need to leave All The Right Moves in, would it be possible to delete all the scenes involving Tom Cruise. Sure, the film will be shorter, but, I think it would make it worth watching repeatedly just for the novelty.

Thank you for your prompt attention and the Married With Children T-shirt. (hopefully)



Lux Luthor said...

"I was cruising the Target looking for clearance wine to really get the weekend started off right.."

LMAO. Enty, your posts are getting better and better.

mags said...

At least it wasn't paired with Blonde & Blonder!

My Target doesn't sell wine. Hmmmppphhhhhhhhhhhh.

OG Gossipmonger said...

lol, ent!! I hate those double feature packs, they NEVER pair the right movies together!!!!!

Anonymous said...

They might have wine coolers at target, but not wine.

And ent, "worshipping at the altar of Caroline in the City"? You sure you're not gay or a girl? :)

lol at the married with children t-shirt

Tania said...

'2-inch stunt dick' - LOL!

So, what would have been a good movie to put with 'Say Anything'?
Sticking with the Cusack, I'd vote for 'Gross Pointe Blank' or 'High Fidelity'.

Georgiana said...

"Dumped in the Malibu?!"

Say Anything is a classic, a movie that most persons in my age group can quote, and- Lily Taylor is in it! ("Joe lies, when he cries...")

Pairing it with a Tom Cruise movie (any Tom Cruise movie, incl. his "teen" flick "Risky Business") is just plain unforgiving. Who in Fox marketing decided this? Who??

juicy said...

I'm able to get wine at my local Target. (WA state)

OG Gossipmonger said...

lol, the funniest part is you guys debating whether or not Target has wine.

It's only at California stores, I think. or select Super Targets

OG Gossipmonger said...

ent probably bought the wine-cube, a tar-zsay exclusive.

Ps. I have no clue how to spell TAR-ZSAY the fancy way. i was thinking like...zsa zsa gabor...tarzsay

mags said...

OG Gossipmonger said...
lol, the funniest part is you guys debating whether or not Target has wine.

LOL. The holiday weekend is coming up and knowing what we can get where of the drinking variety is important. The One Stop shopping kind of thing.:-)

lutefisk said...

clearance wine no less!!
I can no longer watch Tom in a movie & enjoy him. He totally ruined everything he has ever done for me--well, excpt "Cocktail". That sucked 20 years ago, & still sucks.

mooshki said...

Minnesota still has the bloody blue laws, and we can't get wine at our Targets or grocery stores. :( Damned puritans.

irishstayc2 said...

You are too funny - I am trying to look like i am working damn it and you have me guffawing (yeah i said it... guffawing ) out loud!

how's this for a pairing - cause heaven forbid they combine 2 movies from the same people - High Fidelity and Empire Records. I for one love John Cusack movies - and would have snatched Say Anything and Better Off dead up in a second.

"Sorry about your mom's lips Ricky!".... classic

Anonymous said...

YOu can get wine at the Targets in WA state!!

And by the way, EL, Giraldo didn't just show the body bag. HE SHOWED THE BODY SPLATTERD ON THE GROUND

irishstayc2 said...

and oh yeah - I feel ya with the stupid BLUE laws u guys - I live in Pennsylvania and my area of PA JUST... and i mean within the past year or 2 JUST decided to let the liquor stores stay open for 5 hours on Sundays. and that was HUGE!!! -

shoeaddict said...

I live in Louisiana, they pass out booze at daycare to keep your tolerance up! There is def wine at Target!

I was shocked at the gruesome pics and coverage on the poor girl, too.

c17 said...

Sorry, but "Say Anything" SUCKS ASS! It should be paired with "High Fidelity" - both showed John Cusack at his worst.

After I found out how he treated Savage Steve Holland, he lost his place on the "list". Meh.

Moonmaid said...

Lloyd Dobler is still my dream man.

Paisley said...

Am I the only one who enjoyed All the Right Moves? I love these kinds of sports movies where the lead is desperate to get out of a dead-end town. I'd pair it up with Robbie Benson's One on One.


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