Wednesday, April 15, 2009

When Tattoos Go Horribly Wrong

I hate waking up in the morning and discovering a tattoo on my body that wasn't there prior to me getting hammered. I especially dislike it when the tattoo involves some kind of name or word that probably seemed like a great idea at 3am and was full of meaning, but now makes no more sense than Sanskrit.

Speaking of Sanskrit, Rihanna got a tattoo recently in Sanskrit. Well, she thought it was. She also thought it said, "forgiveness, honesty, suppression and control". What it really said was "you owe me $100 and you won't know the difference." See, that is the problem with all of these symbols and foreign languages being inked onto bodies. Unless you read or write the language how do you know it is what it portends to be? Just because you saw it on the wall of a tattoo shop doesn't mean it's correct.

And then what if your tattoo artist makes a little slip and instead of wishing everyone peace, you are now telling everyone to f**k off. That's why I like nice simple themes for my tattoos. Food, drink, an outline of my house key. I know, I know. I was drunk and I think I had this idea I wouldn't lose it anymore if it was on my body and I was going to tape it there. I don't know. I'm sure it made sense at some point that night.


shakey said...


Kills me when people get a tattoo just to get a tattoo. At least the outline of a house key would have *some* meaning.

Anonymous said...

I have a small tat on my ankle. First one I ever had not something I would do but it was suppose to be a promise that my niece was suppose to have kept which she didn't. Really pissed me off that she still went ahead and did these bunch of tats on herself just because she was pissed at her mom. Never could make her understand that the one that is doing the damage is herself not at another person.

Pookie said...

eep, well we know who'll be paying for the removal.

oh to be 19 and stupid.

califblondy said...

All these tats are going to be so attractive once she hits 50.

Emma31 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mooshki said...

God you crack me up, Enty!

"All these tats are going to be so attractive once she hits 50."

I used to worry about that, then I realized that my ass is going to be sagging to my knees whether or not I have a tattoo on it. And at least it'll cover up some of the age spots and varicose veins. :)

mooshki said...

And conversely, even though Megan Fox is a young 'un with one of the hottest bods around, her tattoos still look like shit.

PotPourri said...

Tramp Stamps are a joke!

PotPourri said...

Tramp Stamps are a joke!

Charlene said...

I do not get why people get tattoos in languages they do not read. Google "Hanzi Smatter" to see more stupid Asian tattoos that say things like "healthy woman flow" and "crazy diarrhea".

When she was young (ca. 1952) my mother bought a shirt that had Chinese lettering on the pocket. The first time she wore it, a Chinese couple on the bus almost died trying not to laugh at her shirt. The wife finally told her that it said something like "Property of Lee's Whorehouse".

Embarrassing but not a disaster: she was able to replace the pocket. A tattoo isn't that easily removed.

Bryn said...

I used to work the ER back in the 80's when no older folks had tats other than veterans. One time a woman in her late 60's came in with a tatoo on one of her breasts. Literally you could not make out what it was. Totally a disfigured/stretched/wrinkled blob of ink. I knew from that point I would never get a tatoo, and I never have.

Sporky said...

Charlene - that reminds me of my mom, who doesn't read English and almost wore a t-shirt she'd taken out of my sister's closet that read "bite me" to her church deacon meeting. Thankfully, said sister was walking in as my mom was walking out and promptly made her change shirts. It happened over 10 years ago and we're still laughing about it.

Re: the tattoo - I think the age limit should be raised, to like, 30. Maybe by then the young dumb kids won't want them anymore.

GladysKravitz said...

I've always thought that the names of IKEA pieces of furniture ("poang," "ingo," "stolmen," etc) probably mean "stupid Americans buy s*it like this" or "We'll charge you $100 for reconstituted paper." This story makes me think that IKEA might have gone into the tattoo business.

Maja With a J said...

As a Swedish person, I would like to reassure you that all IKEA names are names of places and people. But I'd rather leave you wondering....*LOL*

I like tattoos, I don't have that many but I hope to collect more. I don't care what they're going to look like when I'm old. If I lived my life worrying about what it would look like when I'm old, my life would be pretty boring.

Getting a tattoo in a different language without double and triple checking the meaning of it though....I mean...why even get a tattoo if you don't even care what it means?

Wack said...

dude if i got a tattoo in a different language, other then french or spanish...i would forget what it meant and just make shit up if asked.

i'd just get it in english but then again it doesn't look ~cool or whatever.

and lol now i want a house key tattoo.

WBotW said...

Beats me why so many people think it's their place to criticize what someone else does with her body...
And as far as the whole 'what will that tattoo look like when you're 50' debate, well, what do you think your vadge or peen will look like when you're 50? Is it really anyone's concern but your own? And do you really think it will be more appealing than the ink I wear with pride?
I doubt it!

Miss(pdx) said...

I have over 50 hours of work done on my body including a full back piece and a 3/4 sleeved arm piece. All of my work ( the good work that is ) has been done by one of the most well respected and reputed artists on the W coast. Its not cheap by any means, but the work is beautiful, meaningful and every time I look at it, I smile. I am a 29 year old woman who has given the thought of what I would look like at 50 a lot of thought, and I agree with the ideal that when I am that age, it won't matter a whole hell of a lot anyhow.

What people don't remember to factor in is career, family reaction and the art work ( most importantly ) itself. I'm lucky in the respect that I own my own business and will continue to be self employed for life. If you don't have that option, then perhaps the Calvin and Hobbs on your left arm isn't the best idea...

that being said.. I would still LOVE to have
"Property of Lee's Whorehouse"
tattooed on my somewhere! :D

It just comes down to personal choice, and hopefully someone who has the common sense to distinguish between good art for life and nights worth of laughs.

Bryn said...

To tattoo or not to tattoo is definitely a personal choice - to each his own. But those who don't consider the future do so at their peril. If anyone thinks it doesn't matter, or they will not care what they look like when they reach 50, are sorely mistaken. The older you get, the more you care.

Miss(pdx) said...

Of course I will care what I look like when I am fifty.. but I will be more concerned about my health and lifestyle more than how aesthetically pleasing I am. My mom is fifty two and is a friggin knock out, so I know that looks are absolutely a factor. But I also see myself being set and happy with who I am and what I look like so that if my work fades a bit or things aren't as tight as they used to be .. its just time and gravity I am working against at that point, not opinions :)

Majik said...

Bryn said:
"To tattoo or not to tattoo is definitely a personal choice - to each his own. But those who don't consider the future do so at their peril. If anyone thinks it doesn't matter, or they will not care what they look like when they reach 50, are sorely mistaken. The older you get, the more you care."

Puhleez...those who get the stupid tramp stamps, the cutsy little butterflies and unicorns, angry skulls and little band avatars will eventually regret their tattoos--not because they're saggy and distorted, but because they're RIDICULOUS and IMPULSIVE!!! lol Those who spend time choosing their ink and their artist are the ones who are likely to have higher self-esteem as they grow older because, most of the time, they'll be adding to their art collection. You don't get a full sleeve or back done if you don't want people to see it...and it's not the skin people are looking at--it's the beauty that is expressed through it.

And I don't have one...yet. :o)

Don't even get me started on burning...that's just the coolest thing ever.

bionic bunny! said...

@ gladys, that's hysterical, lutefisk and i were just talking about the ikea thing!

as for tats, next year, after my 50th birthday, i'll be a grandmother, and i'll be getting my first one, of my grandbaby's name (providing they don't give it a really long name!). screw what gravity may be left, screw my constant weight battle.
but it WILL be in english!

stupid, stupid girl.

sprinkles said...

I have a butterfly tramp stamp and I don't regret it at all. The only thing I ever regretted is not waiting a little longer to get it. I got it shortly after surgery, I just wish I would've waited longer to heal up from that first. I actually designed the tat myself and it came out beautifully.

ardleighstreet said...

Wow octomom is a real MOTHER!


I could totally see her making her own brand of epicat (because everytime I see or hear about her I want to puke)!

RagDoll said...

The two best tattoos I know of belonged to my grandmother (born in 1914) and her sister (born in in 1910) The tats themselves were fairly tame and uninteresting: they had teeny little "beauty marks" tattooed on their faces, maybe the circumference of a pencil eraser. Apparently, it was super-glam in 1930-whatever to have "beauty marks" Grandma had a Cindy-Crawford-style mole near her upper lip, Auntie had one by the outer corner of her eye.

The story, however is PRICELESS, because, as is mentioned by the poster above, in "the old days" only sailors, soldiers, thugs and prostitutes had tattos.

So...there's my skinny little 5'3" tall Catholic grandma and her sister sitting in a seedy shit-hole of a tattoo parlor near the freakin docks around New York Harbor. With their little white shoes and purses and their lttle "dressy" hats and gloves, and faux-Chanel skirtsuits, surrounded by sailors on shore leave and hookers and scumbags. The visual never fails to crack me up.

Ror said...

Anyone who has a tat is a fucking idiot. PERIOD! Here's why dumb fucks. Where does tattoo's come from? have no fucking clue, because you're an idiot.

It's a CULTURE thing. Originated in Africa and South America. It has NOTHING to do with American culture. ZIP! But of course, stupid fucking Americans have to jump on the fucking band wagon and think they have to ink up their body to make them 'cool' or 'relevant' or what the fuck ever.

Jesus fucking christ on a poop stained dildo! Get a fucking clue losers! The more you do the "cool thing at the moment", the less you are.

If you need INK do prove ANYTHING you're a fucking idiot. PERIOD. These people who ink themselves do it for standing in their culture, in their tribe! Not to be 'cool' or 'hip' in front of their equally idiot friends.

Trust me, nobody gives a fucking SHIT about your ugly fucking tat. And everyone think's thier ugly...because they ARE!!!

LMFAO!! Hello! removal well be HUGE in 10 years. Trust me. I'm smart. You're not.

Tania said...

if you're that smart, why can't you use apostrophes correctly? Or spell "they're"?

People borrow from other cultures all the time. So what?
I don't have any tats, but if I wanted them, I'd get them, and not worry about whose culture I was supposedly 'hijacking'.

that's hilarious!

Wa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wa said...

I remember when I was a kid, watching TV, Mel C was on this Thai late night talk show (she came here to promote her album.)

She showed the host what she thought to be two Thai words tattooed on her wrists. She was doing "See? I love Thailand" bit but turned out they were some Chinese characters... which is nothing like Thai btw.

I felt sorry for her but it was so funny, lol XD

Miss(pdx) said...

Ror - I think your grammar and punctuation need some refining before you go around calling people you don't know idiots. Opinions are like assholes.. so thanks for sharing yours.

BTW... Tattoo removal is huge NOW. It will just be better in ten years.

Miss(pdx) said...

btw I heart Ragdolls story! My grandfather was 17 in 1955. I have a picture of him from that year looking like a young Marlon Brando with full nautical tattooed sleeves on both arms. It was the coolest picture I have ever seen. My brother got it( the picture ) tattooed on his left side/ribs. For those of us who are tattooed or admire tattoo's kudos. No one will ever understand unless you have the fever :) I caught my dose at the age of 8. At least I waited ten years after to get inked though.

Green Wave Gal said...

Before I got my kanji character tattoo, I looked it up in a Japanese-English dictionary! :) I'm not stupid!

Murphy Brown 2020 said...

Welcome back, Ror. We all fucking despise you. Or are you too dim to notice?

And, yes, YOU'RE (see that proper use of an apostrophe?) an idiot.


Popular Posts from the last 30 days