Friday, April 17, 2009

Your Turn

The Lil Jon/Miley Cyrus phone number post from yesterday got me to thinking about phone calls and wrong numbers and also drunk dialing. I am not a drunk dialer. I am a buzzed dialer. Throw a few drinks in me and get me buzzed and I will call anyone and everyone in my phone and just become Mr. Talkative. By the time I reach drunk stage, I am not really in a position to call anyone, because I can't focus my eyes on the numbers or even make coherent sentences.

What I would like from all of you today is your best wrong number stories or favorite story relating to drunk dialing, or favorite prank calls. Basically anything to do with a telephone will work today.


captivagrl said...

We would call stores and have them page Mike Hunt.

It's funny when your 12, I guess.

Miranda said...

My phone number used to be one number off from the local police non-emergency line. I can't tell you how many times I would get people calling me in the middle of the night thinking I was the cop shop.

For some reason, the same phone number must have been on some telemarketing fax list because I would get fax calls at least twice a week. Usually the fax would call back four or five times in a row, too. It made me absolutely crazy.

Those stories ... not so amusing.

Unbalanced said...

I can definitely be a drunk dialer and a drunk texter. It's always fun to laugh about the next day. Can't think of any particular stories, if I do, I'll come back.

kasey said...

i work at a flower shop and over a year ago i had a delivery for someone who lived in a building that i had to be buzzed in. she was not home so i called her from my own cell and left her a message letting her know what i had for her and to call me back when she was home so i could drop it off. bad idea. from that point on, this girl starts to drunk text and call me. i've never met her, but she would texts me nasty things. i guess i should have told her roommate when i dropped off the flowers that i wasn't into women.

Mr. T said...

I was laying in the bed of my hotel in Lima, Peru when the phone rang. It was around 10 at night. It had to be my parents staying in the same hotel or a wrong number because no one else knew I was there. Turns out it was a wrong number, an American girl asking for mister so & so. I told her "you've got the wrong number" and was about to hang up when I heard her say "wait wait." She said she had the number because seom friends stayed there the month before & was just looking to talk to someone because she was bored. I was also bored, and a little liquored up, so I started talking to her. She said she was from Kansas or some other mid-western state, staying with her parents in some other part of the city. This was several years ago so I can't remember what we talked about at the beginning - probably basic stuff like where are you from, why are you in Peru, etc. Somehow the conversation turned sexy and I tried to get her to tell me where her parents place was so I could meet up with her (she said she wasn't staying in the hotel and I believed her because I was drunk) but she made up different excuses why she couldn't (too late, her parents would hear her leave & get worried, etc.). But, she said, we could get dirty over the phone. And we did - we totally had phone sex (my first or second time ever). It was totally hot but really weird. I couldn't believe I was doing this with some random person who called my hotel room. I kind of expected it to be some kind of scam, that she would agree to meet somewhere & I would get robbed or something like that. But it wasn't. Who knows what the real story was, why she called, why she called my room. All I know is that I was lucky because the cable in the hotel was shit & I was out of beer, so she saved me from a boring night.

Impertinent Vixen said...

My hub used to get calls all the time from his alma mater for donations. He had no interest in donating but was never home to tell them so. This was when my kids were little and I was tired all the time and frazzled. They called one too many times and I eventually fake cried and said I didn't know when he'd be home, because he was boning his secretary and they could try THAT number, which was 555-BITE ME.

Oryx said...

wow @Mr.T lol intense.

a friend and i had our first babies a few days apart. while our husbands worked we'd meet up at one of our houses and spent the days together gossiping and parenting together. nap time was always the best time. we'd sneak smokes and call adult chat lines. we'd talk to all sorts of men from our city. making explicit sexual promises. fantasizes into realities for these hmm... rather pathetic men. lol. we'd give them an address and 9 times out of 10 they'd come within the hour. we'd watch from across the street, as they knocked and knocked on our neighbors empty homes. we'd laugh our asses off for hours. we did this 5 days a week for the first 8 months of our children lives. dont tell, okay?

Mr. T said...

A telemarketer for the local paper wouldn't let my girlfriend off the phone no matter what excuse she gave, so after several minutes of going around in circle she said "I don't want the paper because I can't read." Silence for a second or two and both of them started laughing and the telemarketer said ok, ok & got off the phone.

Green Wave Gal said...

My freshman year of college, my dorm room had the same last 4 digits as the pizza place next to the bar JUST off-campus. Well, drunk students thought the pizza place was actually on campus and only dialed the last 4 digits and got me or my roommate. This got old really fast, especially on week nights when we actually needed to sleep at 2 or 3 AM.

So we started taking orders. When people would call back to check on their orders, we told them they had the wrong number and had to dial all 7 digits! :)

The joys of college in New Orleans!

Unknown said...

I have a few:

A few years ago, my phone number kept getting fax calls. Constantly. I'd get about 15, 20 fax calls per day. Sometimes a number would print and other times it wouldn't, so you'd answer, say "hello", and then MEEEEEEEE-RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR this super-loud fax tone would blast your ears to bits.

I found out that my phone number was being used by a company in the US as their fax line. All these people were screwing up on the area code.

I had one woman call me once who asked for someone, and when I said they weren't here and that she had the wrong number she proceeded to tell me what I lovely voice I had and it was a shame that I didn't want to talk to her because she wanted to hear me talk some more.

When I was a kid, we (my mom and I) spent about a year getting crank obscene phone calls from some nut.

Unknown said...

I am a drunk dialer and texter. One time I was plastered at 4am and I was texting my friend Monica with "I just fucked a really hot guy in the bathroom of the bar. I sucked his dick and everything." (I used to be a slut in another life). The next day my mom called--she's a nurse--and told me she was worried about me and that I should get an STD test. I said, why the hell are you talking about this? Turns out, I drunk texted my mom NOT my friend Monica! Mom and Monica are next to each other in my phone directory. Oops.

Holly Golightly said...

Well, I'm not a drunk/buzzed dialer but a drunk/buzzed text-er. I sent a text to my boyfriend at the time, telling him how much I wanted him when I got home and then went into explicit (and misspelled) details about what he could look forward to.

I wasn't until I got a reply back from my father that I realized that "David" and "Daddy" are right next to each other on my phone.

My father said he hoped I had a great night and to get home safe.

Goodgrief said...

When I was in highschool I had a really cute algebra teacher. My friend and I used to call him on the phone at all hours on the weekends(before caller ID). Of course we disguised our voices(or so we thought). He figured it out. Anyway the phone calls turned into stopping in and saying a lot. I was getting the feeling my friend was falling in love with him which turns out she was, and he her. They have been married for a few years now and have 2 kids.

Another highschool story. There was a girl that was really jealous of me because I was dating a guy she really liked. She was always talking crap about me and was trying to make my life miserable. Anyway I came up with this idea of putting tires for sale in the local paper classified section with her name and phone number as the seller. I made them really cheap so she would be getting a lot of calls. I heard that her family got so many calls they had to change their phone number. The best $10 I ever spent.

Damned Fallacy said...

We had an employee who I didn't realize was a serious alcoholic AND drunk dialer. One night she called me at 2 a.m. and said that one of our clients (I'm a lawyer) had broken into her apartment and tried to rape and strangle her.

What I knew of this client didn't make that the craziest thing I'd ever heard, so I spend the rest of the night trying to deal with all of the shit. Come to find out -- the whole thing was a hallucination.

PotPourri said...

When I was in high school, my phone number was 1 button away from the high school's Ag Barn. Well, Ag Barns are visited at 5 in the morning by students before they go to school, as they have to get up and feed and take care of their animals.

One guy called at 5 and said "Is this the Ag Barn". I replied "NO, Do I sound like a Cow?" He said "NO, but I'd like to eat you!"

Kara said...

Damned Fallacy - that would scare the ever-livin-crap outta me! I would be so pissed at that employee!!!!

I'm a drunk dialer. Or at least I was in school. I'd go out, come home, be all melancholy and miserable because I was by myself and would drunk dial ex-boyfriends.

After over $1,000 in phone bills to Australia, I started hiding the phone from myself before I went out.

Anonymous said...

This is my favorite prank call of all time. Honestly, I'm in tears and can't breathe by the end of it.

I did inbound phone sales the summer before I went off to college. There was one guy who would call 1-2 times a week, and who was dubbed "the bathtub guy". He would call and place an order, and at some point in the conversation said "by the way, I'm in my bathtub, but I know my credit card number by heart. Ok?" fine whatever. Now, if he got a guy on the line, he'd just decline to order. If he got a girl, while in the process of spelling his name back to him (usually John Smith or other bland name), he would start to verbalize an orgasm by the time you got through his name, and hang up before credit card # was entered. The address was also faked. Girls liked getting it because it guaranteed a 15 minute break for something that while gross, was entertaining. When you saw a hand waving frantically above someone's cube, you knew they had The Bathtub Guy.

Kirpez said...

I used to be very good friends with a guy who I met in a foreign country while I was visiting a friend. We happened to connect pretty well but I had a boyfriend and he lived on the other side of the hemisphere. We kept in contact though and had a really nice friendship. During school times, he happened to live in the States while he was going to college. One weekday morning at about 5:00am, my phone rings(I was 18 and lived with my parents) and it is him on the line. He is drunk off his ass and is having a huge party at his house. He starts to profess his undying love to me and is going on about how much he misses me and wants to be with me. He then pauses for a second and I hear this horrid noise in the background start. After a couple minutes of listening to this, I was like "What is going on?" He proceeds to tell me he was puking his guts out in a garbage can and that he loved me. He then hung up. All I kept thinking was "Wow- I thought we were just friends!"

redhotpepper said...

My roommates were out of town one memorial weekend and I got a phone call. I thought it was someone I was kind of dating and we liked to talk dirty to each other on the phone. When the person started talking dirty, I did the same. It took a few minutes for me to figure out that it wasn't who I thought it was.

Apparently, he decided he liked my voice because he called back a lot and would hang up when my roommates answered but talk to me.

I was in the middle of a divorce and didn't know if this was someone I knew or not so I called the police. They put a trap on our phone and eventually caught him. Luckily, he did not know where I lived and did not have a car so it would have been a little difficult to stalk me when he was riding the bus!

Maja With a J said...

Linnea will know what I'm talking about. There was this radio show in Sweden in the 90's where every day they would make prank calls, it was sort of their thing. They made so many prank calls that they had enough for a whole box set of CD's of prank calls. And people bought them. A lot. Great for pre-parties. Anyway, one of my favourite calls was when one of the guys called the grocery store to complain about the shampoo he supposedly just bought. "I want to return this shampoo because it's the wrong kind. It says it's for greasy hair, but I already HAVE greasy hair. I want to return it". And the poor girl from the store goes to great lengths to try to explain to him that he has the right shampoo, but he just DOESN'T GET IT, and finally she gets upset and just tells him to come change it then, and hangs up.

I don't know. It's possible that you have to be a Swede in the 90's to understand how funny those CD's were *L*.

Maja With a J said...

DNfromMN...oh my god...I just had a coworker turn around and ask me if I was OK because I was trying to laugh quietly, but apparently I souded like I was choking on something *LOL*

sunnyside1213 said...

I was a college freshman in New Orleans and our phone number was formerly Joanne K******s. (How can I remember her name after 25 years?) Well, Joanne got about 30 calls a day to come and ply her trade. Finally, my roommate got her new number and taped it to the phone so we could give it to all the guys who called. That went on for 4 years.

I personally will answer the phone in my sleep and have whole conversations that I have no memory of. My boyfriend broke up with me over it. He just couldn’t believe I was asleep.

Cooper's Mom said...

I've had really great text sez and also the more 'traditional' phone sex a few times... very fun! And i wasn't even drunk oo a few of them. LOL.

Also, i've done the whole 'why won't you take me back??' very, very off my head/drunk dialing thing. Mightily embarrassing i have to say. I think at one point i was sobbing like a baby down the phone cryinng "but why???? WHY???? i love youuuuuuuuu" i'm cringing my ass off remembering. To his credit though, the guy didn't hang up on me, he calmed me down and gently told me that people change and feelings change and we wouldn't be getting back together. Oh, i was CRUSHED! Took me a wee while to get over that one too.

Gypsy Eyes said...

I'm not a drunk dialer but I am one of those people who has trouble sleeping so calling and waking me up is a no no. So after a night of drinking I got home and went to sleep and the phone rang the conversation went like this:
Me-Someone better be dead or in jail and either way you called the wrong person because I don't talk to dead people and I can't afford to bail you out.
My brother- "Hey? I was just calling to tell you I made it home okay."
Me- Are you dead?
Him(confused)- No... How-?
Me- Are you sure?
Him- I guess so.
Me- Is someone else dead?
Him- No. I-
Me- Are you in jail?
Him(more confused)- No...?
Me- Then what the hell do you want at 3 in the morning?
Him- I just wanted to let you know-
Me- And you couldn't call me I dunno when the sun came up to tell me you got home?
Him- What the hell are you...
Me- I hope you meet a really pretty girl with crabs! *click*

Cooper's Mom said...

Whoops i meant to say "text sex' not 'text sez'!

ardleighstreet said...

OK This is not very nice and now makes me a bit ashamed of myself but a number of years ago I kept getting phone calls where a very confused old lady would call for Grace. This happened at all hours day and night I was usually quite nice to this old lady who wasn't very nice at all. One night very late this woman calls for Grace. I'd had enough (it was 4AM & I had to be at work at 8AM). I told her Grace didn't live here check the number & hung up. She calls back a minute later and tells me I am hiding Grace from her and not I am allowing her to talk to her friends. So I tell this lady I am NOT, that Grace died and not to call back.
Two mos. later my sister sees an obit that Grace C. living in my Podunk town died. My sis snags the phone book and looks up the # of Grace. Sure as shit this womans number and mine were close.
The old crank had inverted the last two numbers of Grace's number and got mine.

TCD said...

When I first moved to NYC I ended up with a roommate who called his girlfriend Peggypoo and she called him Peteypoo whenever she came around.

Fast forward five years and I'm back in town drunk and horny at 2:00 a.m. walking back to my hotel when I decide to reconnect from a pay phone, hoping he's changed his ways.

"Hey, Peteypoo, it's me. Come out and play!"

Obviously awakened, stunned silence, and then frantic whispering...

"Peggypoo, he's back! Drunk and GAY!"

"Just hang up Peteypoo. You're going to wake Pauliepoo."

Suddenly less horny. But MUCH more gay!

Genesis said...

Didnt happen to me, happened to my bffs other friend, he had gone to pick up another friend of ours for something they were doing, my bff gave him the other friends number. So he arrived outside of her house and called the number to tell her he was there, we are kind of ghetto so when he called the number he started doing a ghetto voice and was accusing my friend of acting and kept telling her to get her bitchass outside lol only 5 minutes later did he realize it was the wrong number and he had been insulting some random girl.

Genesis said...

ohhh and i call this guy im in <3 love with when im ridiculously drunk. he doesnt mind which is the funny part.

stiffkittens said...

In it for the email updates :)

Green Wave Gal said...

Sunnyside--have we talked college before? I went to Tulane in New Orleans. :)

0 said...

My last name is Brown, and my father had the misfortune of being named James. You can imagine all the [in retrospect, awesome] prank calls we used to get asking for the Godfather of Soul.

In college, my best friend and I's landline had a number that apparently formerly belonged to a gay bar.

amazonblue said...

I've got 2 phone stories:

Back when I was a teenager, before caller ID and *69, we would get obscene phone calls in the middle of the night from some guy. My mom had a phone on her nightstand and she would always answer the call and listen to this guy. The call never lasted too long, but my mom never had the heart to tell this guy off or hang up. She would always say, "But he has such a nice sounding voice".

I accidently made a somewhat obscene call myself many years ago when I was still young and naive.
It was lunchtime at work, and I was calling in an order to be delivered from an eatery called Paradise Bakery and Cafe. A co-worker gave me a handwritten number for the restaurant.
I dialed and a man answered with a simple "Hello?".
Puzzled, I innocently asked, "Is this Paradise?", and he said, "It can be if you want it to baby."

Mortified, I made a sqeaky mouse sound and slammed the phone down. My co-workers teased me about that for quite a while.

Miranda said...

Okay, I've got a couple of better ones.

I used to work at an answering service. One of the lines we answered for sold products of an adult nature, mostly supplements to get you hard or whatnot (I didn't sell the stuff, I just received the occasional order). Anyway, one of the girls in my office got a call on the line one afternoon and the man on the line sounded a little, well, excited. She started asking him what he wanted to order and he started panting and she hung up. He then called back and I got the call. When I answered, he moaned, "I'M CUMMING!" and I promptly hung up.

One of the other lines we answered for was a lawyer line. Now these lawyers (Halpert and Shrute*) must have defended some odd people. We had frequent calls from a man named Jack Bauer* who would often get in fights and need to be bailed out or have the lawyers meet him in court. One night, we received a panicked call on the line from a friend of Jack's.

Caller: "JACK BAUER'S HEAD'S BEEN SMASHED OPEN! We need to talk to Shrute right away!"

Me: "Is Jack okay? Do you need a doctor?"

Caller: "NO! Just tell Shrute that Jack's bleeding and we need to talk to him!"

So I called Shrute, who just laughed and said he'd take care of it. We didn't hear from Jack or the friend for a very long time after that.

*name changed to protect the not so innocent

I have dozens of answering service tales :)

dbfreak said...

I have two drunk dialing stories:

The first happened ten years ago, and it was the last time I got this drunk until this last Tuesday. I had moved from Florida to Knoxville, TN for my job, and someone I used to work with in the Florida office, who was leaving Knoxville as I was arriving, asked her friends in the office to take me in, be nice to me, etc. So they invited me to an all-girls birthday party for one of the women in the office (thank god all girls). My parents had been visiting me and just before I went to the party, I saw them off at the airport. I was sad and homesick. I bought a pint of Vodka and orange juice and cranberry juice. I didn't know anyone and I have NEVER known how to mix my drinks or pace myself. So, next thing I remember, I'm completely confused as to why my cigarette won't light until someone points out that I'm sitting in the pouring rain. They bring me inside, and give me clothes to change into, which I do in the middle of the living room (this causes the birthday girl's daughter to start streaking through the house at later dates screaming "I'm DBfreak!"). They put me to bed, as I was too drunk to function. Somehow, I managed to work my cell phone to call my friend, a male co-worker from the town I had moved from who I was in love with. I was on the phone with him for 45 minutes, sobbing, telling him I missed him, I missed Gainesville and I hated Knoxville. I did not stay in bed while I did this but also wandered around the party. NEVER lived that down until I moved back to Florida. Was sick for days.

Next story was Tuesday. This Tuesday I got my divorce finalized and I was mad because I had to go to stalker support group. So right after, I called a cab to take me to the bar. Ordered three shots and drank them pretty quickly because I was by myself. I hadn't really drunk much since 1999, so I didn't remember that drinking fast = bad. So less than an hour after I arrived, I was calling a cab to come get me. As I was standing outside of the bar, I decided it would be a GREAT idea to call a guy that I have been on one date with to tell him that I was drunk. I did, and while I was on the phone with him, I fell into a hole filled with water and hurt myself. I thought it was funny - he was a little concerned and I was just laughing it off and blabbing away and about 10 minutes into the conversation, he's like "I actually have some people over, can I call you back?" I died. LOL. Didn't amount to anything too embarrassing as we have a date on Sunday : )

Green Wave Gal said...

Hey Miranda--Who knew Jack Bauer hung out in Scranton? ;)

Penny Whacker said...

It's not really a drunk-dialing thing. Much more of a revenge thing. My friend and I used to do prank calls all the time, but it usually had some important reason behind it.

Like she didn't get paid for all of the overtime she did, etc. So, we made this elaborate story of a party. For about 30 thirteen year old kids. Kids who apparently ADORE pineapple on their extra cheese pizzas. Did I mention that at least one of their parent was going to attend the party? Soooo... 15 extra large pizzas with a shitload of pineapple on them. I give them 'my' adress and 'my' phone number. I even sugar coated it all by telling the guy on the phone that I'd call him back on the day of the party; to make sure every piece of info is good.

On that day, my friend unexpectedly showed up at the store "just to say hi". I had already called before to make sure everything was still a go, so she saw the delivery boy fill up the van. She also saw the aftermath and the look on the boss' face. It was priceless to say the least.

We never got caught and my friend left to go work in a clothing boutique a few weeks later. We still get a good laugh about it, and she makes sure she tells this story to as many people as possible.

hammyjam said...

I was at this party awhile ago and it was dying down so we were drunk and bored. This guy made two calls. The first was to McDonalds about how they messed up his order really bad and he just kept saying funny things and the guy working was like ok next time you come in you can get all this free food. I guess they went the next day. The other call was to Wal-Mart because he was going to ask if he could put something on layaway. I said the first thing that came into my mind, which was bug spray. So he calls and the guy said that they don't do that anymore. The guy making the call then went on to say how bad the bugs were and just wanted the spray to make them go away but didn't have the money for it right now. Maybe it was cuz I was really drunk but it was HILARIOUS at the time (and still is).

Crystalrope said...

I guess I don't get what is so funny about drunk dialing or making prank calls.

Robin the Mad Photographer said...

This isn't a drunk call, but it's still a good one: A number of years back, I was living in Athens, GA & working at a very small law firm, which had a phone number 2 digits off from the local Papa John's Pizza joint...needless to say, we got a LOT of calls for pizza. Finally, one day the female partner just happened to answer the main line. "Dewey, Cheatham & Howe."* "Um...this isn't Papa John's Pizza?" "Hey, we'll make you a pizza, but you'd hate to see our hourly rate..."

*Firm name changed, obviously

mooshki said...

Hammyjam, that's hilarious to me too, and I'm not drunk. :)

shakey said...

Oryx, that is HILARIOUS!

My life is full of prank calls/wrong numbers. When we were little, my mother didn't bother with babysitters. My brother's best friend used to come over and we'd make prank phone calls using my brother's reel to reel tape recorder (this is late 60s). My brother would record cartoon theme songs then call people like the last name in the phone book and tell them they'd win a prize if they guessed the song. They were pretty good-natured about it.

We also had an elderly woman calling for Monsieur Binette. Constantly. We kept trying to tell her she had the wrong number but she wouldn't listen to us. Our phone number has been in my husband's family since it came into existence (he never had the name changed over after his father died). We've gotten wrong numbers as far away as Israel.

I'll do my BIL's phone call in another post.

mygeorgie said...

Parents split when I was 3, moved away & never saw my dad after age 5. Every year from age 12-26 I'd prank call my dad just to hear his voice. It wasn't until I was 29 that I had the guts to spark a conversation.

shakey said...

So my BIL is awakened at 3am from a sound sleep to hear "Lise, are you there?" BIL answered no, it's a wrong number, hung up and tried to get back to sleep.

The next night - 3am. Same thing. "Lise, are you there?" My BIL was pissed. He told him no, it's still the wrong number just like the night before and added "stop calling here."

3rd one's the charm - 3am again. "Lise, are you there?" My BIL finally lost it and said "SHE'S BUSY SUCKING MY DICK" then slammed the phone down. The phone calls stopped.

blankprincess said...

When I was about eight, we got an obscene phone call that I answered. After I said "Hello" the guy on the other end said, "How would you like nine inches?" In my ultimate wisdom as an eight year old, I said earnestly, "No, I need at least a foot."

The guy hung up immediately. My dad and older brother, who were in the room, asked who had been on the phone. When I told them everything, they absolutely howled with laughter.

I, of course, did not understand until many years later why they were laughing so hard at me. I guess I taught that obscene phone caller a lesson about bragging! :)

Anonymous said...

I tell this one a lot because it's one of the funniest memories I have of my dad. First off you have to understand my dad had a great sense of humor, but when he was home, watching TV, he was the quintessential single guy (post-divorce of course). What I mean by that is that he would sit in his underwear and t-shirt, eat his dinner in front of the TV, and couldn't be bothered for anything.

So as he tells it. He's sitting in bed watching TV, when someone calls and asks for someone not there. Obviously this was a genuine wrong number. The only thing is, when my dad was in this mood, he could be very curt in his responses. Apparently the caller took offense, because this is the way it went, according to my dad.

Dad: Hello
Caller: [Asks for someone who doesn't live there]
Dad: [Some response indicating to the caller that they reached the wrong number]
Caller: Well fuck you then. I hope I woke you up.
Dad:[without missing a beat] Well no. But you woke up your mother. She's right here next to me.

And my dad hung up.. (Oh well maybe it's funnier if you knew him..)

Unknown said...

Blankprincess, that is awesome. I'm actually crying right now.

When I was 15 (this would be 1996) my school got internet access and a girl I was friends with showed me what a chat room was and how you could talk to guys from all over and whatnot. So after a few months of chatting and exchanging emails with this british guy named Sam, he asked me if he could call me. I was picturing some sexy dark handsome type with a cute accent. This guy starts calling me non stop. From england. Wanting to stay on the phone with me for hours while I was trying to hang out with friends and always telling me that he loved me, that he was going to come to canada and we would get married. Normal, right? He had a really annoying high pitched almost feminine sounding voice and he just would not go away. Finally after months of him calling me overseas I told him he couldn't call me again until he sent me a picture of himself. I was dying to see this bozo. So he gets all dressed up in a suit, goes to a photo booth thingy in a mall, and mails me 2 pictures of himself. I swear to god this dude was wearing white face powder and brown lipstick. He had crazy bug eyes and he looked like a serial killer pedophile albino. So creepy. I eventually started dating a guy I met at a party (also named Sam, randomly) and I just started being a superbitch to british sam whenever he called, which was up to 5 times a day no joke. I figured he would take the hint and fuck off but he persisted for weeks until finally I had to tell him dude fuck off don't call me anymore and he was all offended and threatened to kill himself. I told him it was his funeral. Because I'm classy like that.

So flash forward 6 or 7 years and I am at my parents house with my best friend (I no longer lived there) and my old phone line rings with the long distance ring and I was like wtf because no one knew that number anymore and it was Sam calling to ask if I remembered him and to let me know he was going to be in. New york city the next week and would I like it if he came to see me in toronto and oh are new york and toronto very close? I told him to start walking. My friend and I were dying, it was absolutely hilarious. Oh and I used to make sam three-way my friends so they could hear what a retard he was and we all laughed at his picture and meanwhile he must have spent thousands of pounds calling me every day, multiple times, for months on end. This is why I'm going to hell.

sunnyside1213 said...

Green Wave Girl...I was accepted to Tulane, but just couldn't afford it. I went to New Orleans University. Are you still in NO? I am in Denver, but sure miss LA.

Cooper's Mom said...

Rayla, that's funny as fuck! Ditto to blankprincess!LMAO!

Rebecca said...

When I was single, there were 2 other women in town who had the same first name, same middle initial and same last name I did. One was normal; the other was a total deadbeat. The deadbeat, of course, had an unlisted number. I used to get calls from bill collectors looking for her. I got one from some jerk at a bank one time. Apparently, she had only made half of her minimum payment and he took this as a personal affront. I tried to explain to him that he had the wrong person. He didn't believe me. When I told him that I did not have her phone number because I did not know her, he got mad and started screaming at me. I finally got mad and told him to just close the account.

Ells said...

I used to get a lot of strange voicemails from people calling their parole officer. One girl was crying and saying that she was so sorry that she'd messed up again. I finally tracked down the parole officer... turns out he had the wrong number on his business card.

Green Wave Gal said...

Sunnyside--I went to Tulane from 93-97. I moved here to Los Angeles shortly after graduation. NO was such an amazing place to go to college (I'm from NY). :)

IndigoBlue said...

Back in the 70's before caller ID and all that jazz, my mother's friend (a rather rotund lady) kept getting all these sicko heavy breathing phone calls about the same time every evening. Nothing really pervy, but you could just tell someone was there and, uh, excited. night she picked up the phone and there was her caller. She finally said, "Are you ever going to say anything?" And the male voice on the other end whispers "Tell me what color your panties are." She responded, "Honey, if you could see the SIZE of my panties, you wouldn't CARE what color they are!" To which the caller responded with laughter and a "That was great!" and hung up. Never called back. Classic!

IndigoBlue said...

Back in the 70's before caller ID and all that jazz, my mother's friend (a rather rotund lady) kept getting all these sicko heavy breathing phone calls about the same time every evening. Nothing really pervy, but you could just tell someone was there and, uh, excited. night she picked up the phone and there was her caller. She finally said, "Are you ever going to say anything?" And the male voice on the other end whispers "Tell me what color your panties are." She responded, "Honey, if you could see the SIZE of my panties, you wouldn't CARE what color they are!" To which the caller responded with laughter and a "That was great!" and hung up. Never called back. Classic!


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