Friday, July 27, 2007

"I Know Who Killed Me" Review From A Reader

This is something I've been thinking of doing for awhile and DNfromMN put this review in the comments yesterday and I thought it would be a great start. If any of you want to review a movie, do so and e-mail it to me and I will post it. You can review it in any way you want and say anything you want and vent and rant or just gush and gush. So without further ado, the first review.

I got a free preview to I Know Who Killed Me. Hey guys, just got back from an early screening for this movie. I had high hopes that Jessica [Rose-Lonelygirl15] would rise above what looked like a bad movie. Unfortunately, she has about 5 lines, and is in the movie for I would guess less than 10 minutes. She's not even listed in the opening credits.

What's even worse, is that the movie is HORRIBLE. Admittedly, I'm not the target audience for this movie (late 20s, male, midwestern), and I like to think I know enough about film to get me through the day. I am the kind of guy who even if I REALLY have to pee, will wait until the end of the movie and book it to the restroom. I didn't care, I went, and I didn't miss anything except some of the stripping stuff that we saw in the trailer.

There isn't an in-focus shot in the whole movie, and the script is horrible. The entire audience laughed at the big scenes at the end of the movie. They weren't supposed to be funny.

In my teens, I watched many a bad direct-to-video movie and this has all the hallmarks.

Star who should be the highlight of the film: Lohan (check) Lonelygirl15-Jessica Rose (check)

Fading stars: Julia Ormond (check)

TV actors who you'll recognize but probably not remember their names: Neal McDonough ("guy with those intense blue eyes and bad blonde dye job" check), Paula Marshall ("girl who looks like Janeane Garofalo, but isn't as PMS-y" check)

Poor production values: the aforementioned out of focus camera, and (not yet mentioned) bad lighting (check)

Cheesy script that uses all the cliches: I won't give out any spoilers, but (check)

Gives away the ending by the end of the first half hour: If you pay attention to what people say and do (check)

This is clearly a wait for the cheapy theater, video, or youtube movie. I'm sorry to drop the bad news everyone.


Anonymous said...

Aw thanks, Ent. I would like to add that I originally wrote this for the forums that's why it's so LG15 focused. My only addition to the review: Go see the movie SUNSHINE (which opens nationwide today) instead. One of my favorites for the year.

Unknown said...

If there is anyone who needs to go to rehab, it's the idiots who produce movies like this and hire Lindsay to star in it. Might as well just burn the millions of dollars, bcus that's what they are effectively doing by hiring her.

Hohan's career is officially over. Expect to see her try a failed comeback in about 3-5 years.

Jim said...

Lindsay's career is not over. I will work with her (after she completes rehab).

She has the potential to be an outstanding caliber actress if she can get her shit together.

__-__=__ said...

Deacon, that's two qualifiers in two sentences. I'm just off the bandwagon for now.

Tracee said...

"I'm sorry to drop the bad news everyone."

HaaahaaaahaaaHAAAAAAAA. Wait, was that a joke?! Who was anticpating THIS movie? HAAAAAHAAAAA

So Jinxed said...

I finally saw a commercial for this last night. It looks SO bad, and not even funny-bad. I bet its out of the theaters by the end of next week.


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